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Well, thank you for inviting me!
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| READER DISCRETION: There is nothing wrong with the following story. Read on. |
Written by Some Guy
Directed by Agent Goldfish
Produced by Phineas and Ferb Fanon
Based on characters created by Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh
... and not one, not three, but TWO characters created by the same dude who wrote this.
Prologue[]
Darkness. Silence. That was all that seemed to exist in the desolate wasteland. But that was all about to change. Steps were heard. White eyes were seen clearly in the pitch blackness. This being walked over to another being, much taller than it. "Sir, is it time yet?", the small being asked in a wimpy voice. "No, not yet", the taller growled in a much more menacing tone, "But it shall be... Very... VERY... soon."
Chapter 1[]
Joel Severe lay asleep in his bed, tucked under his blankets, covering in his pajamas. The morning light shone in through the cracks in the shades covering the windows, shining on the boy. He moved around in his bed, trying to get away from the light. Eventually, in his efforts, he fell off his bed, landing on the floor, waking himself up.
He stood up apruptly. "Huh?! Hmm?", he muttered, "I'm awake!" He looked around the room, trying to find the source of what made him fall out of bed. "I don't reckon I've woken up on the wrong side..." Joel's eyes came to rest on the rays that lay on his resting item. "Ah, my old enemy... light."
Joel walked over to the shades covering his window and pulled them up, exposing his room. He flinched a bit, and then looked outside. The whole street and various houses were covered in snow. "Ah, first day of vacation and we already get snowfall!", he noticed. He opened the window and stuck his head outside, breatihing in the morning air. "Ah, good morning Danville!", he exclaimed. He looked out the corner of his eye. The newspaper sat on the house's porch. "The mail!"
Joel raced out of his room and over to his temporary parents'. You see, Joel didn't actually live in Danville - he was on an exchange program, and had switched places with an obscured student from Danville Middle School who had gone to his hometown - but you probably knew that already.
"Still sound asleep", he concluded. Joel dashed towards the stairs and sled down the rail on his rear end. He landed on the floor and went towards the closet, where he pulled out his coat and happily put it on. He unlocked the front door and jumped outside, subsequently picking up the newspaper. "Ah, I love this kind. They color the comics even when it's not Sunday!"
Joel jumped down the steps and started to sing and dance down the street:
When I'm walkin' down the street
Tapping my feet to that beat
I can't help but feel oddly fantastic
When I'm looking all around me
That white flurry stuff I see
That can only mean something good's around the corner
Can you feel that Christmas spirit in the air?
Can you feel it now, comin' from everywhere?
I can't shake off that yuletide feeling
That I get when we get to this time of year
Joel continued strolling down the road until he came to a bench filling with Christmas carolers who were sitting, looking bored, and minding their own business. He continued to sing, and the carolers stared intently at him while he was doing so:
Grab your jackets and your coats
Take your trumpets and music notes
We're gonna make some noise in the subsequent days
Pile around for hot chocolate
Laugh and have fun that's awesome
Light the trees with electricity!
The carolers got up from their resting place and joined the boy:
Joel
Can you feel that Christmas spirit in the air?
Carolers
Spirit in the air!
Joel
Can you feel it now, comin' from everywhere?
Carolers
Comin' from everywhere!
Joel
I can't shake off...
Joel & Carolers
... that yuletide feeling...
Joel
That I get when we get to this time of year
Carolers
Get to this time of year, do-do-dooooo...
Joel turned around, and noticed that the carolers participating with him:
Joel
Hey, what are you guys doing heeeere?
This is supposed to be a solo, not a group sonnng
Carolers
Hey, we are carolers! It's practically our job to sing! So when we hear a tune, just listen to the joy we bring!
Joel
No, I won't listen to whatever you bring
Because this particular song is only my thing
Go somewhere else, and with your bells, ring
But in this exact song it's only I that'll sing!
Can you feel that Christmas spirit in the air?
Carolers
Spirit in the air!
Joel turned around, but as soon as he did, the carolers disappeared from sight. Confused, Joel turned back around and continued to sing:
Joel
Can you feel it now, comin' from everywhere?
Carolers
Comin' from everywhere!
Joel hastily spun around, but as soon as he looked towards where the carolers had been behind him, they had hastily hurried out of sight. Annoyed, the boy turned back around and continued once again:
Joel
I can't shake off...
Joel & Carolers
... that yuletide feeling...
Joel turned around, and once again, the carolers disappeared. However, this time, he continued singing facing the direction of where the carolers were:
Joel
... that I get when we get to this time of year!
On cue, the carolers resumed their position, and continued:
Carolers
Get to this time of year, do-do-oh...
Joel had caught them red handed. "Okay, now you guys are going to get it!", Joel growled, clenching his fists. The carolers screamed and ran off, with Joel in hot pursuit. The camera leaves this area and goes over to the Flynn-Fletcher house, closing in on a window, and entering the bedrooms of stepbrothers Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher.
Their pet, Perry the Platypus, sleepily opened his eyes and chattered in a yawn-like matter. Phineas and Ferb woke up right afterward. Phineas reached over his blanket and pulled out a red, rubber ball. "See, Ferb, I told you I could sleep with this ball and it wouldn't fall off the bed!", the triangle-headed child gloated. Ferb pulled out his wallet and proceeded to hand a dollar to Phineas. Phineas rejected it: "Nah, you can keep it, bro. The thought that I did it is enough reward for me. Besides, we've got a music number to continue."
Phineas, ball in hand, and Ferb jumped out of bed and began to walk down the hallway, towards the bathroom, and the former started to sing:
When I'm walking down the hall
Bouncin' this big, red, rubber ball
I can't help but feel very ecstatic
So many ideas for this holiday season
Not executing them would kind of be treason
No worries, 'cause not doing them? I don't have a reason!
The two entered the bathroom and Phineas picked up his toothbrush, put toothpaste on it, and started brushing. He also sang, which made his words come out somewhat muffled.
Can you feel that Christmas spirit in the air?
Ferb (deep voice)
Spirit in the air
Phineas
Can you feel it now, comin' from everywhere?
Ferb
Comin' from everywhere
Phineas
I can't shake off that yuletide feeling
That I get when we get to this time of year
Ferb
Get to this time of year, do-do-dooooo...
The camera then moves out the window of the room back to where Joel has grown tired of chasing the carolers and, after finishing his panting, continues the song:
Looks like I cannot catch you
Eh, what more's a kid to do?
I have better use for the song lyrics
Staying focused is the key
Let us continue now, shall we?
Eh, what the hey, let's get on with the finale!
The carolers joined Joel as they prepared to sing the last stanza. Phineas and Ferb opened the window in their bathroom, apparently hearing their noise, and tossed a rope out, which they began to climb down to join the group.
Joel & Carolers
Can you feel that Christmas spirit in the air?!
Joel
Spirit in the airrrrr
Phineas & Ferb
Can you feel it now, comin' from everywhere?!
Joel rushed over to meet his friends, singing:
Joel
Comin' from everywherreee!
Phineas, Ferb, and Joel
I can't shake off that yuletide feeling that I get when we get to this time of year!
Carolers
Get to this time of year!
Phineas, Ferb, and Joel
Get to this time of year!
Carolers
Get to this time of year!
All
Do-do-dooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Out of nowhere, a frazzled-looking Candace Flynn stuck her head out the window of her room and shouted, "Will you all shut up?! I'm trying to get some sleep here!" She then shut her window loudly in anger. Phineas, Ferb, Joel, and the carolers sat there in stunned silence for awhile.
Joel broke the silence, simply saying to Phineas and Ferb, "So, what have you guys been doing?"
If this was some sort of TV show, a loud "DUHN!" would be heard and the scene would cut to black. But this isn't some sort of show, now is it?
Chapter 2[]
Phineas, Ferb, and Joel continued to walk down the road to the Flynn-Fletcher house. "So, like I was saying before the chapter ended, what are you guys planning to do?", Joel asked. "Well, today, we're going to be putting up the Christmas tree in our house. Lights and star. The whole shebang. We're going to wait until tonight to actually light it though. What would be the use of lighting a tree during the day?", Phineas explained.
"Good point. So, you two have any big ideas for vacation?", Joel questioned. "Oh, sure! We have lots of things we want to build. Go on and read him our list, Ferb", Phineas told. Ferb told out a smartphone from his pocket and touched some things on the screen. After a few moments, he said, "There's nothing here." "Huh?", Phineas stuttered, "Lemme see that." Ferb handed Phineas the device. He glared at it intently. "Well, I'll be! We have everyday of the month scheduled EXCEPT for today through Christmas!", he realized.
"Hmm. That's, uh... Kinda weird", Joel muttered. "Well, there's got to be something we can do. Ooh, ooh, I know! We can thank Santa Claus for everything he does for us by turning Danville into a giant, shimmering thank you card for him!", Phin thought. "Did that already", Ferb reminded. "Oh, right... Er, well, we can put on a generic televised holiday special with some guest star!", Phineas suggested. "Nah, you did that too", Joel added. "Dang it! Well, uh, maybe... we can make it summer... in winter! And call it... S'winter..." He groaned. "Man, what are we going to do?!"
Joel patted Phineas on the back. "Relax, man. I'm sure you'll think of something", he reassured. Phineas just sighed. The trio entered the front door of the Flynn-Fletcher house. Linda Flynn-Fletcher and Lawrence Fletcher sat at a table in the kitchen. Lawrence was reading the newspaper. Linda was at the stove cooking breakfast. "Where have you boys been?", she asked. "Oh, we were just doing a musical number, nothing big", Phin explained. "Oh, okay then. Go get ready, breakfast is almost done", the mother told. Phineas and Ferb climbed up the stairs, leaving Joel.
Lawrence looked up from his newspaper. "Oh, hello there, new kid", he greeted. "Mr. Fletcher, I've been here for a few months, I'd have thought you'd have learned my name by now", Joel replied. "Ah, well, you know my memory. What was it again?", Lawrence wondered. "Joel." "Ah, yes, Joel. You know, that's spelled similarly to Noel. Isn't that French for Christmas? How does a long word like 'Christmas' turn into a short word like 'Noel'?", he asked. "I haven't the slightest idea", the boy responded.
"So, Joel, will you be joining us for breakfast?", Linda asked. "Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude", he refused. "Oh, it's nothing. I have enough eggs for one more", she replied. "Eh, if you insist." Joel took a seat at the table. A little bit later, Candace came walking down the stairs. "Mmm... What's that smell?", she asked. Once she walked into the kitchen, her smile diminished. "Oh, it's you", she muttered, once she caught sight of Joel. "Good morning to you too, Candace", he replied, jovially.
She took a seat. "What, are your parents too lazy to fix you breakfast are your house?", she questioned. "Oh no, your mom invited me. Besides I'm kinda starved after that big song I just did", he explained. "That was loud. Couldn't you guys have tried to be quieter?", she asked. "We could have, but the song would have lost some of its awesome", Joel retorted. At that moment, Phineas and Ferb came down the stairs and joined the rest at the kitchen table. "Mmm... Smells like eggs and bacon!", Phineas sniffed.
Linda set the plates full of the food on the table, and the family began to eat. "So, I was thinking of heading over to the mall with my friends later. Besides, I want to see Jeremy's new coat that Stacy texted me he got just yesterday", Candace explained, her mouth half full. "Me and your father have to do a gig at the old folks' home. Could you talk the boys with you?", Linda asked. "What?", Candace almost choked at these words. "It could be fun. Maybe it'd give Ferb and I some ideas on what to do for Christmas", Phineas said in approval.
"Great idea. I'm in favor of it", Joel added. "It's settled then", Linda concluded. "No, it's not! This is supposed to be me and my friends' time! Not me and my friends and Phineas and Ferb and that kid's time!", Candace rejected. "This is supposed to be the season of giving, Candace. Don't keep all the time to yourself", Lawrence said. "Yeah, that's just greedy", Joel cut in. "Fine. Just don't bother me on the trip", Candace reluctantly accepted.
"That's that, then", Linda stated, and began to collect the empty plates that everyone has eaten out from. Subsequently, everyone departed from their position. Linda went to the sink, Lawrence went somewhere that's irrelevant to this story, Candace went to her room, while Phineas, Ferb, and Joel went to their's. Once in their room, Phineas reached into one of his dresser drawers and pulled out a notebook and a pen. "Okay guys, we need to start brainstorming ideas. Fire", Phineas ordered.
Joel
So many things that you can do
Endless possibilities, if you only knew
Sadly, none of them are coming to mind
Ferb, would you suggest some, if you'd be so kind?
Ferb
I'm completely stumped with no hope of thought
If I had a few dollars, on eBay, I'd have bought
Some brilliant plots, thoughts, and stuff for me and you
Those endless possibilities, if only we knew
During this vacation, oh man, what will we do?
Phineas
My brain would be flowin'
With all sorts of juice
Some hidden mental blueprints
I'm sure I could deduce
But when it's most critical
It seems to go dead
All I can do is bury my face in my pillow and jump on my bed
What will we do?
That is my question
What will we do?
The sole thing that I beckon
Oh Great Idea Giver, shine your wisdom on me
'Cuz I look all around, but no solution I see
Candace sat in her room, laying down on her bed:
Could it be?
Could it finally be?
They've run out of things they could do to annoy me?
Oh what a day, what a glorious day
Why, it seems thing may be going my way
Could it be?
Finally
All my wishes are coming true
It may be the best Christmas for me, don't you see?
Ha ha, now, what will they do?
Back in the boys' room:
Joel
What will we do?
That is my question
What will we do?
The sole thing that I beckon
Oh Great Idea Giver, shine your wisdom on me
'Cuz I look all around, but no solution I see
Ferb (deep voice)
What will we do?
Joel & Phineas
Shoobie-dee-do
Ferb
What will we do?
Joel & Phineas
Shoobie-dee-do
Ferb
Oh Great Idea Giver
Phineas, Ferb, and Joel
Shine your wisdom on me...
Phineas
Cuz I look all around, but no solution I see
-Melancholy ending-
Chapter 3[]
Candace barged into the room. "Are you three done singing your sappy song? We've got to get going soon", she reminded. "Hey, you were singing in it too!", Joel replied. "I only had one stanza!", Candace retorted, "Now get whatever you need and let's go."
Sometime later, Candace, Phineas, Ferb, and Joel were walking down the stairs about to leave, decked out in their winter coats, hats, and so forths, when Linda who too was getting ready to leave along with Lawrence, blurted, "Oh my goodness, I forgot! We were going to put up our Christmas tree!" "Oh, don't worry, honey, we can put it up later", Lawrence suggested. "Yeah, it's just a tree. It's not as if it has anything better to do than sit in the garage", Candace added.
Suddenly, Phineas's face brightened. A wide smile spread across it. As they piled out and Candace closed the door behind them, Joel asked, "Hey Phin, are you okay?" "Okay?!", he replied, "I finally got it! Ferb, Joel, I know what we're going to do today!" Candace who was about to turn on the car, heard this and facepalmed. "Oh great", she muttered. "We're going to make the biggest Christmas tree ever!", he announced. "Cool. But, uh... how?", Joel asked.
"Simple. We just go over to the Danville Woods and cut down the hugest pine tree we see! And as for paying for the decorations we'll need, well... Show him, Ferb." Ferb reached into his pocket and pulled out a giant safe that looked too heavy and big to even be able to fit in his pocket in the first place. "It's loaded with money. And made out of papier-mâché", Ferb explained. "How does that fit...?", Joel started. "Don't question us", Phineas snapped.
"Hello!", Candace called from inside the car, "We're burning gas here!" Phineas, Ferb, and Joel opened the back doors and climbed into the back seat. Once they closed the doors and put on their seat beats, they were ready to roll. As Candace backed the car out of the driveway, a girl dressed with a pink coat, hat, scarf, boots, mittens and pink bow dashed out of her house across the street and ran to meet up with them.
In case you didn't check out the link, the girl was Isabella Garcia-Shapiro. She ran to the window of the right back car door. The window rolled down. "Hey, Phineas! Whatcha doin'?", she inquired absent-mindedly. "Oh, we're headed over to the mall to get some stuff for the giant Christmas tree we're making", he explained. "That sounds fun! Can I come along?", she asked. "Well, we've have to ask Candace", Phineas said. "Fine, just get in", the older sister muttered. "Yay!" Isabella opened the door and crawled inbetween Phineas and Joel, squishing Joel across the window on that side.
"Oh sorry, are you okay?", Izzy questioned. "Peachy", Joel replied, his face mushed on the glass. "Well, if no one else is coming, let's get goin'", Candace concluded, finished backing out of the driveway, and drove down the road.
The group continued on their journey to the Googolplex Mall when they passed by Buford Van Stomm's house. He was walking on his lawn and he carried Baljeet under his arm when the car passed by them and he waved for it to stop. Buford ran over to the same door Isabella had some time ago, and the window rolled down. "Hey, I was just about to head over to you guys' house right now", said he, "Where are you going without me?" "We're going to the --", Phineas began. "Shut up, wherever you're going, I'm coming with!"
Buford opened the door and piled in with the rest, and they all shifted to accommodate this new addition to their gang. "This is very uncomfortable", Baljeet whined. "Deal with it, nerd", Buford retorted. "Hey, I never said that you two could come in here!", Candace shouted. "You never said we couldn't either. Now make with the driving", Buford replied. Candace scoffed and continued driving to the mall.
Eventually, they came to their destination. As it was the holiday season, the building and its surroundings were covered with sparkly snow, and the mall itself was covered with brightly shining lights. The area was bustling with people, and carolers were chanting famous Christmas tunes. Phineas, Ferb, Joel, Candace, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet climbed out of the car and began to walk. "Hey, it's those carolers who interrupted my song in the first chapter!", Joel noticed. "Want to go heckle them?", Buford offered. "Sure!", Joel agreed, "Hey guys, we'll catch up with you in a bit, we're going to go troll those guys!" "Have fun!", Phineas responded.
Joel and Buford departed from the rest of the gang and went over to the gaggle of carolers. "Joy to the World...", they sang, "The Lord has come. Let Earth receive her king..." "By call or by mail?", Joel cut in. "Do ho ho ho!", he and Buford chuckled. The carolers cleared their throats nervously and went to singing another song: "O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree..." "Y U TAKE UP SO MUCH SPACE IN THE LIVING ROOM!?", Buford imitated the "Y U NO" guy. "Ah ha ha ha!", he and Joel laughed.
The carolers muttered among themselves and then went to another song: "Jingle bells..." "Batman smells!", Joel continued. "Robin laid an egg!", Buford added. "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la..." "You can't have boughs of holly. Holly is an abstract thing!", Joel noted. "I wish this song was abstract, so I wouldn't be able to hear it!", Buford insulted. "Do ho ho ho!", they chuckled. At that moment, a police officer walked up to the two and stated, "If you guys are bothering these carolers, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"What, I can't use my first amendment rights?", Joel asked. "Freedom of speech is different from tearing someone else down pitilessly and ruthlessly", the officer corrected. "What? Pitilessly and ruthlessly? That's taking it a bit too far. Carolers, was I tearing you guys down pitilessly and ruthlessly?", Joel asked. "Yep", they replied. "Boys, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you in", the officer announced. "You'll never catch me alive, coppers!", he retorted, and Joel and Buford made a run for the entrance to the mall. "Hey!" The police officer chased after them.
Meanwhile, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Baljeet were walking the mall (Candace had dispatched herself from them to go spend time with at his Slushy Dawg post) when they met up with the Fireside Girls, who were also in the mall. "Hey girls! What brings you here?", Isabella asked her troop. "Oh, I'm just here waiting for my secret Santa to come and show herself", Adyson Sweetwater replied, "I don't even know why I signed up for this mall program anyway."
Shortly after, Wendy Stinglehopper walked up to the group. "Uh, is Adyson here?", she asked. Adyson raised her hand. "Here's your final gift. Merry Christmas!", Wendy presented. "You too!" The two traded presents. Adyson opened up hers first. "Oh my gosh, it's the Secret Santa patch!", she announced, enjoyed. Wendy opened up hers next. "Zoh-em-gee, it's a really big hat!", she shouted, and placed it upon her head. "What's with you and your infatuation with abnormally large headgear?", an Indian voice asked.
The group looked at where the sound had come from. It was Baljeet, who was crossing his arms and had a sly smile on his face. "Baljeet!", Wendy yelled, and glomped him. "I haven't seen you in so long!" "Ahem", Ginger cleared her throat quite loudly. "You have something in your throat, Ginger?", Isabella asked. "Oh no, it's just a little phlegm", she retorted.
Just then, Joel came running around the corner and joined the gang. "Hey, guys, you gotta help me, the police are on my tail!", he pleaded. "Hey, where's Buford?", Phineas asked. "I don't know. I lost him along the way...", Joel panted, "But wherever he is now, I'm just glad he was able to buy me some time!" Suddenly, the loud speaker came on, which startled Joel. "The new 'Holiday Love' section of the mall is now open! Couples will be able to go on a Tunnel of Love-like ride through a recently built area of the mall for a limited time!"
"Oh, we should go on that, Phineas!", Isabella suggested. "Oh, but Isabella, we're not - Whoa!" Isabella pulled Phin along with her. "Come on Baljeet, let's go too!", Wendy suggested, and she and Baljeet followed. "Well, there are lots of other badges we could earn, so we'll catch up with you later", Adyson said, and she and the troop went off. After they had departed, Candace and Jeremy showed up. "Hey, you lonely two, me and Jeremy are going to go check out that new exhibit they have! Too bad you can't, since you're all alone!", Candace laughed, and left.
Joel to his side and noticed that it was only he and Ferb who were standing in the now vacant perimeter. "So, it's just you and me, huh?", he asked. Just then, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz walked up to them and complained, "Ugh, I can't believe everyone's going to this big opening and I can't go there because I don't have..." She looked down at Ferb. "Hey, come on kid, you're going to be my date." She took Ferb's arm and walked away with him; He looked back at Joel and gave him a wink.
Once they were out of sight, Joel just stood there by himself. "Hmm... Fine. I don't need them...", he muttered, "I'll, uh, I'll just go find Buford and..." Before he finished his sentence, Buford showed up holding hands with Jessica Fletcher. "Hey Joel, there was this space ship that landed outside and there was a girl in it! Sweet!", he whispered. "Hey Buford, over their in the faint distance, there are a bunch of couples about to go on this ride thing! We should head over there!", Jessie suggested. "Whatever you say", he agreed, and they walked away, "Hey Jess, do you like ponies...?"
Joel was left alone again. "Oh for crying out loud!", he grunted, "Can't I get a break?! Everybody who's anybody has got themselves a partner going over there and I'm just... *sigh*... I'm just stuck here... Like a loser..." He walked for a few minutes, looking down at the floor, when he came to a water fountain. He looked around. The place was abandoned. He looked down at his reflection in the water and began to sing a song:
I sit here by myself
I sigh and I wonder
What if my whole life
Has just been a big ol' blunder
Am I stuck by myself?
No one to hang out with
If only I had known
I'd be forever alone
He walked away from the fountain and just paced around the room:
Everyone's off with their beau
What about me? I don't even know
My heart is split in half
If only it was sewn
But it's no use now, cause I'll be forever alone
The sun has set in the sky
The night is slowly approaching
I take out my journal
A pencil, and start noting
Would anyone ever want me?
Or am I just unknown
To the large majority of people
Who don't know I'll be forever alone
Will I have somebody by my side
To go with in that exhibit and ride
Will I ever get a chance at love
The statistics that it's close to none
Or will I be successful in my endeavors
Find someone to hold dear forever and evers...
Or will I be forever... alone
Background singers
Be forever alone
Joel
Will I be forever alone?
Background singers
Will he be forever alone?
Joel
I don't ask for too much, just a little bit
For one of my organs, I need a first aid kit
I feel as if I've been run over by a kart
But the place it damaged most was my heart
All I want is a chance
Can you give me a reason to dance
Will I meet a girl whose world I can take for a whirl
Or will I sit down and be a loner or vein doner...
"Vein doner?", the background singers asked. "I ran out of rhymes okay? Besides, in the mood I'm in now, I don't feel like putting much effort in the song...", Joel replied. "Eh, okay, whatever", they responded.
Background singers
Or will he be...
Joel
Or will I be...
(Simultaneously)
Joel
Or will I be forever alone...
Background singers
Or will he be forever alone
"Hey, would one of you background singers mind going out with me?", Joel asked. "No. Just pay us, we have other songs we need to do backup for too", one of the singers retorted. "Ugh, fine", Joel muttered and handed them the money. "Thank you!" The singers began to leave. "Besides, you're only, like, what, 10? Why would you even care about this stuff?"
"It's to add drama to the story. Every good fic needs to have romance in it, you know!", Joel shouted back. "Not that it would matter to me anyway...", he said quietly to himself.
Chapter 4[]
Joel continued to walk through the empty floor. He happened upon a chair at a table and kicked one of its legs. Immediately, the police officer from before appeared behind him. "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you for physical assault on a chair", he explained. "What? Dude, it's just a chair", Joel replied. "Oh, so just because it's a chair, it doesn't have feelings, right?", the officer asked. "No, you don't underst--", Joel began. "So if I was a chair, you'd kick me, right?", the officer growled. Joel facepalmed.
"Hey, you look familiar? Weren't you that kid who was harassing the carolers earlier?", he questioned. "Huh? Uh-oh", the boy muttered, turned around, and made a dash for it. "Get back here!", the officer ordered. Joel kept on running until he reached some stairs. Dashing up them, Joel found himself on a platform that, when he leaned against the glass on the side preventing him from falling, he stood high above most of the mall's populations, who were around the "Holiday Love" exhibit.
Joel was looking down the side of that glass when the police officer caught up to him. "Got 'cha!", he shouted. Joel spun around and saw him coming closer. He looked over the side again. If he were to fall, he'd probably land on someone there. Joel took one last look at the police officer.
"Adiós."
Joel leaned over the side and -- WHOOSH! He flew down, down, down. The police officer looked over the edge, with his mouth wide open, as the boy seemingly committed suicide. Joel fell through the air, surprisingly calm, when he crashed, hard, down on some innocent customer. "Aak!", she screamed. The girl kicked Joel off of her and stood up, brushing the dust off of her. Joel sat up on the floor. "What is WRONG with you?!", she yelled.
Joel looked up at the chick. As soon as their eyes met, Joel's vision became distorted. The background became a golden yellow, and the girl's face turned into the picture of utmost beauty. Her face was beautiful. Her lovely, peach skin. Her luscious black hair that elegantly ran down her back. "What are you... looking at?", she whispered seductively. "Wut?", Joel muttered, mesmerized. "What are you looking at?!", she yelled, louder and angrier.
Suddenly, Joel snapped back to reality. "What?" The girl smacked Joel across the face. He spun around, whilst sitting on the floor, and fell back on the waxed floor. She scoffed, went back to her shopping cart and continued on her way. "Huh? Hey, wait!", Joel called. He jumped back up and dashed to in front of the girl's cart. "What do you want?", she asked rudely. "I just wanted to say - Er, excuse me for a moment." Joel turned a few feet away and pulled a book titled "Cheesy Jokes to Impress Women", hastily read a page, and went back to the girl. "Ahem, are you from Tennessee, because you're the only ten I see." He winked.
The girl pushed the cart past him. Joel ran up to her again. "What? That wasn't good enough? Want me to try another one? Uh... Have you heard the one about falling from heaven?" The girl stopped and looked at him. "What is it that you want? Because you're obviously not entertaining me." Joel's eyes shifted from side to side as he tried to think of something. "Um... Hold on, I'm trying to think of something. I've never gotten this far in a conversation with a girl before."
She turned around and continued to walk. A few other girls joined her. "Hey, Nicky!", one with glasses greeted, "Why'd you stay behind?" "Oh, some idiot fell on me from the ceiling. No big deal", Nicky replied. Joel dashed up to them. "Oh, so your name's Nicky? Well, hi, Nicky! I'm Joel", the boy greeted. "Well, you're good at introductions", Nicky rolled her eyes. "Well, thanks! Many women are, uh, impressed at my skills, to say the least", he gloated. "I was being sarcastic."
"Sarcastic? What's that something to mean?", Joel asked. "It means that your introductions are bland and annoying", Nicky retorted. "Hey, don't diss my introductions!", Joel shouted. "Ha. A monkey could make better introductions than you", Nicky replied. "You think your introductions are all that?", Joel inquired. "Please. I could school you in the art of introducing. Heck, I doubt you even know how to charm a lady", Nicky insulted.
"Oh, yeah? Well..." An idea formulated in his head. He stood in front of the cart, preventing the girls from going further. "If you think you're such a genius, go ahead and give me a couple of tips on how to charm a lady. Right here. Right now", Joel dared. "I will!", Nicky replied. She thought for a few seconds. "Um... er..." "Just as I thought! You're just bluffin'!", Joel chuckled, "Why should I waste time with a girl like you who can't even back up what she says."
Nicky grabbed Joel by the neck and put her face close to his. "Listen here, I will NOT be bested by the likes of you. I just need... uh, some time to gather my thoughts. I know so much about the subject, I need time to assemble 'em", she told. "Uh-huh. I haven't got all day here", Joel retorted. "Don't be smart with me", she threatened. Nicky reached into her pocket and pulled out a card, which she handed to Joel. "That's my address. Stop by tomorrow by 5:00. I'll teach you then", she explained.
"Cool. So, it's a date, then?", he asked. "It is most certainly NOT a date", she emphasized, "I just don't want you to think you're all that. Catch you later." Nicky and the rest of the girls departed from Joel. While they were away, the glasses girl said, "Hey Nicky, I think he likes you." "What makes you think that? He's obviously just a jerk", Nicky replied. "It's obvious! What, are you trying to hide something?", she questioned. "Hide something?" Nicky coughed. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Let's just, erm... Hey, look, it's a shoe store...!"
Meanwhile, Joel just stared at the card. Once the reality of what had just happened hit him, he let out a loud "WHOO-HOO!" Music started playing in the background, and Joel grabbed a hat and a cane from a nearby stand and used them as he sang:
Joel
I thought that today would be a horrible day
but then the sun sent somethin' fine and shiny comin' my way
Yes, I don't know how I did it, but I hit a stroke of luck
In just some seconds, I go to feelin' like a million bucks
All I have left is to wonder how tomorrow will go
but I'm awesome, got nothing to worry about, no sorrows, and so
Does it seem that I am no longer forever alone?
Yes, it's confirmed, I'll never again be forever alone!
I will be my best
If I'm not, that's a crime!
Look out world, it's finally JS time!
Phineas and the rest of the gang walked out of the exhibit, chatting amongst themselves about it, when they came to Joel and found him in his get-up. "Gee, Joel, have you been singing these past two chapters?", Phineas asked, surprised. "No. I sang my first song, like, last chapter, and then I took a long break, and then I just did the reprise. Y'know. Forever Alone (Reprise). It's in the soundtrack", he explained.
"That's enough wasting time. Come on, we have to go find whatever you guys need", Candace reminded. "Yeah, she's right. We still need to find that pine tree of ours. Guess we'll have to save it for chapter 5", said Phineas. "Yep, and I have to back to my dad", Vanessa stated. "And the author had no further use for me in the story other than this chap and the last, so, I'd best get going. You'll see me as an extra in another number", Wendy explained.
"Hey, where's Buford?", Isabella asked. Nearby, Jessie was talking to Buford about something. "Okay, Van Stomm. Tell me - will you choose me or that Ducky Momo doll?" Buford looked back and forth between Ducky Momo and Jessie. "Can't I just shower you both with equals amounts of love and affection?", Buford suggested. "I see how it is! You don't like me anymore!", Jessie cried.
"No, wait, baby I can change!", Buford pleaded. "Thank me some, brother", Jess called. Suddenly, a portal that tore through the space-time continuum opened, and another Ferb stepped out of it. He took the crying Jessie into his arms and walked with her back into the hole. "It's okay. We can try another timeline", he reassured her, and they disappeared. Buford went back to the gang and groaned. "Oh, maybe can I get another woman. Who here wants to get some Buford?" As soon as he finished speaking, the whole exhibit cleared out, except for he and his friends. "Oh, I see. Everyone's a critic", he muttered.
Soon, everything went back to normal, and it was just the regular group together again. "Alright, folks, let's start browsing!", Phineas announced.
Chapter 5[]
TBC