Perry Jackson Title Card

Not my best work but, meh.

This is a screenplay for "Perry Jackson and the Agents".

Copyright Ferblover 2010

The Inator Theif

Based on the “Percy Jackson” novels by Rick Riordan

September 26, 2008


Wooden bleachers line the surrounding walls of the Olympic-sized pool. The room is empty. MOONLIGHT shines through the skylights, reflecting off the water. A CHOCOLATE BROWN FEDORA along with a BADGE are piled at the pool’s edge. CAMERA CRANES INSIDE the water. AT THE POOL’S BOTTOM, we find. . . PERRY THE PLATYPUS, age 14, sitting with his legs crossed, and in agent form. His deep brown eyes are closed. His scruffy, blue-green fur floats around him. His expression is peaceful. PERRY (V.O.)

Ever since I was a platypup, I liked being in the water. Not just because I’m a semiaquatic mamal, It’s where I do my best thinking. Sometimes, when I concentrate, I hear this distant voice. . . like somebody trying to guide me, give me direction. . . Wierd, huh? Perry opens his eyes in alarm, shoots to the surface, fills his lungs with air. PERRY (V.O.)

Probably just water on the brain. EXT. YANCY ACADEMY — DAY A large campus in Danville, New York. Old, brick buildings are scattered across several well-manicured acres. Perry walks alone across campus, in agent form with out his fedora and is listening to an iTouch. His attitude is tough, hard, cool. PERRY (V.O.)

My name is Perry the Platypus. Until a few months ago, I was a student here at Yancy Academy. The kind of place where pet- owners send their “unique” pets to go and be obediance trained. A fight breaks out between a group of students. Teachers run to break it up. Perry keeps on walking. INT. YANCY CLASSROOM — LATER — DAY A 52 year old, grey haired, moustached familiar- looking teacher, MR. MONOGRAM (wink wink), lectures to a group of animals who would rather be elsewhere. Perry stares at his textbook. PERRY

I have many difficulties for a platypus my age- - Perry squints at the text. The words look normal to the audiance. PERRY

- - like how I can’t read English. I’m a platypus, people! Duh!

INT. PERRY’S DORM ROOM — NIGHT Perry’s roomate is asleep, SNORING. Perry lies awake, the walls around his covered of posters of various famous fictional secret agents such as: DICK TRACY and JAMES BOND. Tacked to the wall is a photograph: Perry and his mom, in happier times. PERRY

I was also supposed to have some displaced rage because my father abandoned my mom before I was born. But quite honestly, none of that really mattered. . . Distant THUNDER roars. Perry gets up, looks out his window. STORM CLOUDS form in the sky, obscure the moon. PERRY (V.0.)

. . . because my real troubles were just beginning. EXT. METROPOLITIAN MUSEUM — MANHATTAN — THE NEXT DAY — DAY The sky above Manhattan is heavy with dark, ominous clouds. A “YANCY ACADEMY” BUS is parked in front of the museum. INT. METROPOLITIAN MUSEUM OF ART — LATER A spacious. glass-domed room filled with F.B.I ARTIFACTS, rusted WEAPONS, and WANTED POSTERS. In the center of the room, are imposing LIFE-LIKE WAX DUMMIES of the O.W.C.A.’S MAIN AGENTS.

MR. MONOGRAM lectures from the side of the dummies. MR. MONOGRAM

There are twelve O.W.C.A. platypus agents. The top three were brothers, who went on to defeat all evil. Gary became the highest ranking agent of the OWCA and rid Chicago of all evil. His brother, Barry rid New York City of all evil. And their other brother, Jerry, rid Nashville of all evil. A group of fairly disinterested high school SENIORS stand around Mr. Monogram. Perry stands off to the side, sweatshirt pulled up to hide his iPod headphones. PHINEAS, Perry’s roommate stands beside him. Phineas is underweight, with scruffy red hair, a pointy head, and a perpetual expression of lust and mischeif. Using his cell phone, Phineas snaps a picture of Mary’s aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh… I’m getting too dang graphic, aren’t I? Monogram notices. Frowns. Not amused. MR. MONOGRAM

Phineas. Please. Phineas looks up. Guilty. Monogram extends his hand. MR. MONOGRAM

A little more respect for the agents. Phineas sighs, hands over the cell phone. Monogram looks at the photos, holds up the camera for the class to see. The kids chuckle at the image of Mary’s…. You know… Heh heh… MR. MONOGRAM

What does this tell us about Phineas? CUTE GIRL

He’s a *inaproptiate* addict. MR. MONOGRAM

It’s something the Agents also shared with us. There were several occasions, when the Agents would be off duty and . . . how shall I put this?… PHINEAS


They would breed with normal platypuses. Several kids that are platypuses snicker— including Perry. MR. MONOGRAM

The offspring of these Agents were half-agent half-normal. Can anyone tell me what they were called? Mr. Monogram scans to 'LITTLE' MEEPER RUNNER, a tough, and angry-looking son of the Road Runner. MR. MONOGRAM

Mr. Runner? MEEPER

  • inapropriate*? Mongerals? Mutts?

Meeper’s two friends, two hoodlums named JAGUAR and MUSTANG, laugh.

Monogram scowls, looks around. MR. MONOGRAM

Anyone else? Perry? But Perry doesn’t hear, lost in his music. Phineas rips out the earbuds out of Perry’s ears. PERRY


What is the proper name for the offspring of a regular animal and an Agent? Perry narrows his eyes, thinks, finally . . . it comes to him. PERRY

They’re also agents. MR. MONOGRAM

Very good, Mr. Platypus.

(to Meeper Runner)

Mr. Runner, you and the rest of the class obviously need a bit more incentive to learn this material. Perhaps a quiz will help. Tomorrow. Chapters 7 and 8.

INT. MUSEUM MEN’S ROOM — LATER — DAY Perry and Phineas enter. PERRY

I can’t get above a D in most classes. But somehow, without even studying. . . I get this stuff. . . PHINEAS

(ironic smile) Maybe it’s in your blood. The bathroom door FLIES OPEN. Meeper and his possy enter, shove past Phineas, nearly knocking him down. MEEPER

Out of the way, pointy. PERRY

Shut your beak, Meeper. Meeper turns, walks back to Perry, getting in his face. MEEPER

You’re the one who should keep your beak shut, Platypus. If you weren’t so busy being Monogram’s favorite, we wouldn’t be having a quiz tomorrow. PERRY

Big deal. You have to study. Grow up. MEEPER

Not all of us can get a fancy tutor by pretending we can’t read English. PERRY

I’m not pretending. I can only read Platypusese. Furious, Meeper and his gang DRAG Perry into a STALL. Meeper tries to SHOVE Perry’s head into the toilet bowl. Perry CHITTERS and STRUGGLES to break free. Phineas BANGS on the stall door. PHINEAS (O.S.)

Perry? As Perry’s face gets closer to the toilet water, the water begins to CHURN and BUBBLE, growing in POWER. PERRY

Stop! Meeper keeps PUSHING. The water CHURNS violently. PERRY

I. . . said. . . STOP!

Suddenly, a BLAST OF WATER EXPLODES out of the toilet bowl. The water moves with EXTREME FORCE and a definite PURPOSE. It SHOOTS past Perry, STRIKES Meeper and the birds with the power of a FIREHOSE, blows them out of the stall and . . . . . .ACROSS the bathroom floor, right past Phineas. They land UNDER the urinals. Phineas SEES Perry step out of the stall. Perry is SHAKEN, CONFUSED. UNSURE what just happened. PHINEAS

Perry. . . Let’s go. . . Meeper and the birds get back on their feet, SOAKED. They BLOCK Perry and Phineas’s exit. A CREAKING SOUND fills the room. Followed by a low, GROANING NOISE and the sound of pipes RATTLING. Then - - CRACK! CRACK! - - several HAIRLINE FRACTURES form in the walls and on the floor, spreading out like spiderwebs. Urinals and sinks EXPLODE, firing like missiles across the bathroom. Water RUSHES in through the holes in the wall, forming into the shape of several snake-like TENTACLES. The water-tentacles WHIP through the room, like living creatures. They ATTACK Meeper and his friends. Phineas watches in AMAZEMENT. Perry is BAFFLED, standing in the center of the maelstrom. The floor beneath Meeper’s feet CRACKS OPEN. A GEYSER of water shoots upward. The powerful water LIFTS Meeper into the air. The bathroom door FLIES OPEN. MR. MONOGRAM walks in. STUNNED by what he sees. The geyser quickly DISSOLVES. Meeper FALLS to the floor, right on top of his soggy, freaked-out friends. The other water STOPS FLOWING, retreating back into the pipes, leaving POOLS OF WATER everywhere. MR. MONOGRAM

What’s going on?!? MEEPER

Platypus. He blew up the bathroom. Mr. Monogram looks very CONCERNED. Perry’s expression is equal parts amazement, confusion, and fear. PERRY

I didn’t. . . I don’t. . . it just - - Mr. Monogram nods, speaks softly, almost knowingly. MR. MONOGRAM

- -happened. INT. MR. MONOGRAM’S OFFICE — LATER — DAY Angry, Perry is sitting across from Mr. Monogram’s desk. Phineas stands in the background. PERRY

Detention!? But it wasn’t my fault. . . I don’t even know how it happened. . . MR. MONOGRAM

I believe you, Perry. But the Dean wants to suspend you. I argued for a compromise.


One month detention is a compromise? MR. MONOGRAM

For you? Yes. You’ve been to six different schools in eight platypus-years. You’ve got a D-minus average. You’re on very thin ice. PERRY

Perfect. I like cold water. MR. MONOGRAM

You really want to be expelled from another school? PERRY

Do I really give a dang? MR. MONOGRAM

Maybe you don’t. But your Mother does.

(soft, solemn)

Don’t let her down again.

The words sting. Perry looks out the window. Troubled, uspet. Mr. Monogram feels Perry’s torment. Mr. Monogram takes a THICK BOOK off his shelf.

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