| Well, thank you for inviting me!
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Author's Note: If the words are in italics, it's a telepathic message. More info on Jessie's page.
I, the author, would also like to thank my friends on this wiki, to whom without, this story may have never been possible.
It was a blustery, chilly fall day in the suburbs of the city of Danville. A bright yellow school bus pulled to a halt at a bus stop and opened its doors. A small throng of excited kids exited, ready to return home to prepare their costumes. For you see, tonight was no ordinary night. It was Halloween, the one night of the year when you can be anything, even the exact opposite of what you are, and nobody looks at you any different. Strangely, though, the last three to leave the bus were probably the most excited of all. The holdup was due to the fact that one of them, a girl with extremely long green hair, had been trying to write a message on the window with her tongue. “Jessie, I’ve told you I dunno how many times before,” said her redheaded companion, Phineas Flynn “Maybe on another planet it’s considered courteous to leave behind spit-notes when you exit a building or vehicle, but around here it’s just considered weird. And unsanitary.”
“Sorry...” she said, blushing a little. Phineas didn’t seem annoyed though, just a little amused.
“C’mon, guys!” he called, jumping out of the door onto the street “Daylight’s burning!” His step-siblings, the aforementioned Jessica Fletcher and her twin brother, Ferb, followed him eagerly. Each of them had a brilliant idea for a costume, and a lot of work would be necessary. Jessie, as she prefers to be called, looked over at her brothers.
“Remind me, what am I supposed to say again?” She’d been over the Trick-or-Treating process several times before, but it was her first Halloween, so some slack had to be cut.
“Just ‘Trick-or-treat!’” Phineas said “Or, if you want to get creative, ‘Dulces o travesura!’”
Jessie glanced at Ferb, sending him a telepathic message. “Why would someone want a trick, anyway?” she asked.
”Don’t ask me, little sister,” he responded “I didn’t invent the holiday”.
Jessie shot him a glare. ”I’m not little!" she insisted.
A teasing grin crossed Ferb’s face. “Yes you are, I was born first!”.
Jessie rolled her eyes “We're twins!”
“I’m still older!”
“By three minutes!!”
By now, Phineas had guessed that they were arguing about their age again, probably due to the fact that Ferb was now giggling over apparently nothing. “Uh, guys?” he said, snapping them back to the audible world. Just then:
"Hey guys! Watcha doin'?"
“Hey, Dinner Bell!” said Buford “Hey Beanpole! Hey...J-Jessica.” His voice faltered a little when he said her name.
“Hey guys.” Jessie said “You got ideas for tonight?”
“Do we ever!” said Isabella brightly. “I’m gonna be a Native American, what’re you dressing up as?”
Jessie didn’t need to think twice. “Rapunzel.”
Everyone stopped in their tracks and stared at her. Jessie usually couldn’t be caught dead wearing a skirt, let alone a princess dress. She seemed to know what they were thinking.
“It’s a special night!” she said with a shrug.
In an attempt to break the awkward silence, Baljeet’s shrill voice chimed in:
“So, Phineas? Ferb? What are your plans for this fine evening?”
Phineas exchanged a meaningful grin with his brother. “Wait and see!”
What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
“Okay, people! We have roughly two and a half hours before we reach ideal trick-or-treating hour. That may seem like too short a time to break half the laws of bio-physics, but 'Impossible' was never on my vocabulary list. Ferb, you get the mini-lab built. Buford, you and Baljeet see if you can get your hands on some lab supplies. Isabella, you’re going to have to get a DNA sample from Pinky, preferably saliva. Jessie, you and I are getting everything else. Everyone be back here wearing your costumes by sundown. Now, are there any questions?"
Phineas was in his backyard with all his friends, handing them lists of exactly what they were looking for.
“Um, yes.” said Baljeet timidly “Why do I need to go with Buford?”
Buford gave him a death glare.
“Because Buford needs you for his costume.” Phineas replied
“Oh, goody, I cannot wait.” Baljeet sighed
“I have a question” said Jessie “How many digits of Pi can you count?”
Everyone except Phineas and Ferb stared at her.
“Twenty-seven” Phineas said “Any other questions?”
Jessie raised her hand.
“Any questions actually relevant to the assignments?”
Her hand went down.
“Then let’s get going, everyone!” he said happily “Times a-waistin’!”
Ferb pulled out a piece of blueprint paper and a pencil from his pockets, Buford and Baljeet left for the Beaker Emporium, Isabella trotted off to her house and Phineas was about to leave with Jessie when he was greeted by a familiar voice.
“Just what do you think you’re doing?!”
Candace had appeared in the sliding glass door on the side of the house, looking suspiciously at her siblings.
“We’re getting our Halloween costumes ready.” Phineas replied.
Candace glared at them for a second more, then, deciding they weren’t up to anything worthy of her interest, turned to go back inside.
“Remember, Candace!” Jessie called after her “You’ve gotta come with us! Mom said so!” Their parents were away on a business trip until tomorrow morning, so Candace was in charge. Conditionally.
“Don’t remind me!” Candace snapped as she closed the door. She’s lost interest in Trick-or-Treating a long time ago.
“C’mon, Jess.” Phineas said “Let’s get those genes!”
“Remind me, what are we doing in the museum again?”
Jessica had only been to the museum once before, but it seems a lot different when you break into it past closing time.
“Simple” Phineas said “This is the only place within a hundred miles where we can easily get our hands on the DNA we’re looking without the risk of getting a bite.”
They were strolling through the massive halls filled with fossils of all shapes and sizes. It was very difficult to keep Jessie focused, since she simply adored animals. Finally, Phineas found what he was looking for. Among the fossils of woolly mammoths, smilodons and giant ground sloths, were a pack of lesser-known Ice Age beasts: the Dire Wolf. The half-a-dozen skeletons were held up by stands so that they appeared to be attacking a skeleton of a bush antlered deer. The wolves were as big as Dobermans, and would work perfectly for Ferb’s costume.
“Do we need to take the whole thing?” Jessie asked “Wouldn’t that be stealing?”
“Nah, all we need is a scan of it.” Phineas replied. He pulled out a small gizmo from his pocket and latched it onto the leg of the largest, most vicious looking canine in the group. The word Scanning... appeared in green.
“Hey, Phin?” Jessie said
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Sure I’m sure! It’s only a temporary metamorphosis. I mean, it’s not like he’s gonna, I dunno, be stuck with a tail for the rest of his life!”
Secretly, though, he was a little nervous himself. What if Ferb did get stuck with a tail the rest of his life? Sure, that would be awesome, but the poor guy had only just gotten used to the fact that he’s half alien and has a twin sister. One can only have so much weirdness in their life at once. Beep, beep, beep. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the scanner gadget, which was now finished taking the DNA code of the wolf. They had everything they needed.
When Phineas returned home with his sister, Ferb had just added the finishing touches to the mini-lab. On the outside, it appeared to be only large enough for two people to squeeze into, but Ferb was very skilled at maximizing space. Behind the door was a two-roomed chemistry laboratory.
“Nicely done, Bro.” Phineas said, admiring the room “As soon as Buford and Baljeet get back with the supplies, we can get started on the Halloween getup of the century!.”
Phineas grabbed his costume, a perfect replica of a Nacho Chip bag big enough to wear, and smeared a handful of bright orange paint on his face. He was dressed as a Dorito. A perfect resemblance. As soon as Jessie left to put on her costume, a voice piped up behind him.
“Hey, Phineas! I got the DNA sample!”
He’d just turned around and seen her costume. She had changed out of her usual pink pinafore into a simple, tasseled, light brown dress made of cotton and a pair of leather moccasins. She was wearing a headband with brightly colored feathers and a necklace made of turquoise. A single lock of her raven-black hair was braided by her face, and a quiver was slung over her back, feathered arrow fletchings poking out the top. In one hand she held a wooden bow, in the other she held a bag for her candy.
“Thanks Isab-....Wow, you look great!”
“Thanks!” she said, smiling. She pulled a small jar with a few inches of clear liquid out of her bag. “Getting the drool wasn’t that hard, really, Pinky just had a pre-dinner snack.”
Just as Phineas was unscrewing the jar, Buford stepped in. He was dressed as a football player in a red uniform, and was carrying a very large football.
“Got the supplies.” He said, dropping a bag full of various laboratory doodads on the counter.
“Thanks Buford.” Phineas said “Cool costume, by the way. Where’s Baljeet?”
“I am right here!” said a miserable, muffled voice from inside the football. A pair of huge, brown eyes peeked out of holes in the front of the ball, two arms dangling helplessly out of the sides.
“This will make it very difficult for me to get candy!” Baljeet complained.
“Too bad.” Buford said.
Just then, Ferb stepped in. He was wearing an extra-large set of clothing, and his eyes were full of anticipation.
“You ready, Ferb?” Phineas asked
“Then let’s do this!”
Ten minutes later, the chemical was finished. Phineas held up one of Ferb’s inventions, the painless, needleless syringe.
“You sure you want to do this, Ferb?” He asked.
Ferb nodded again.
“Okay” He handed his brother the injection, and he went into the other room.
“What did I miss?” said Jessie’s voice from behind them.
“Whoa....you look pretty!” Buford said without answering her question.
There was no point in denying that. She was wearing a silky, lavender dress and had somehow managed to straighten out her hair, making it even longer than usual, and tie it down her back. To top it all, several dozen flowers were woven into her braid, making it almost look as if she was wearing a garden on her head.
“Lookin’ good, Sis.” Phineas said, looking her up and down “You didn’t miss much. Ferb just went and...”
His attention was captured by the sound of claws scratching on linoleum coming from the other room.
Phineas opened the door, and everybody filed in.
“Behold, the WereFerb!” he said.What they met in there made even Buford look a little stunned. It wasn’t exactly a dog and it wasn’t exactly a wolf. It was a canine only possible through genetic engineering. But you could still tell it was Ferb. His thick, shaggy fur was leaf-green, the same color as Ferb’s hair. His muzzle was large and cubical, like Ferb’s nose. His eyes were still deep blue and human. The metamorphosis had gone precisely as planned. Ferb’s costume was complete.
“You feeling okay, Ferb?” Phineas asked.
In response, Ferb barked happily and wagged his tail. He grabbed a Halloween bag in his teeth and trotted out the door, ready for Tricks or Treats.
An Unfortunate Turn of EventsThat night was, easily, the most successful Halloween night in the history of the world! (Or at least, in the history of Danville). Candace was understandably freaked out that her stepbrother was now a two-hundred pound green dog, but after Phineas assured her for the thousandth time that he won’t bite, she finally agreed to go through with her promise to go with them, though she kept her distance. WereFerb was admired at almost every house, but wasn’t given candy until Phineas proved that he was a human (mostly), not a dog they had spray-painted green. After that, half the candy in the house was all theirs. Jessie was given the constant question: “Is that your real hair?”. And she gave the constant answer: “Yes, yes it is. You like it?”.
As he predicted, Baljeet had quite a difficult time getting candy, but eventually Buford gave him a break and told him he would make sure he got a little extra to share with him. Baljeet was about to tell him that this was a very kind thing for him to do, but then changed his mind, thinking it would offend him. Even Perry, whom Phineas had dressed up as Abraham Lincoln, got to come along. (Unbeknownst to his family, Perry had a day off of being Agent P, since Doofenshmirtz had taken a quick break from being evil to spend Halloween with his daughter, Vanessa.) By the time Candace had told them it was way past their bedtime and they finally agreed to return home, Ferb had chased seven cats, Buford had passed Baljeet to another person four times, Perry had ridden in Isabella’s quiver twice before deciding to reside in there until the night was up, and everyone was tired, happy and limping under the weight of all the candy they’d earned. “What we should do,” Phineas said to Ferb as he lugged his heavy candy-filled pillowcase over his shoulder “Is pool together all our candy, pour it out into the living room, and separate it into categories. That way, everyone can go home with only the types of candies they like!”
Ferb looked at him but didn’t respond, not even with a bark. He’d been awful quiet the past half hour, even for him. As they approached the street that led to their house, Phineas turned around to tell this idea to his friends. Isabella, of course, thought is was a great idea, Baljeet said it was “entirely logical”, Buford said that it was fine as long as he got all the Tuff Gum, Perry chattered, and Candace just examined her nails in a bored manner, not paying any attention to what her brother had just said.
“You think that’s a cool idea Ferb? Ferb?” Phineas had just realized his canine companion was no longer next to him. Everyone turned around and saw he was several yards behind everybody, as if he’d suddenly stopped walking. He’d closed his eyes, lowered his body halfway to the ground, and tensed every muscle in his limbs, his mouth twisted into a snarl. He seemed to be in pain.
“What’s the matter, boy?” Phineas asked, almost forgetting he was talking to his brother and not a dog. A small growl escaped from Ferb’s throat, but otherwise he didn’t respond. Phineas walked swiftly over to him and lay a hand on his hairy shoulder, but Ferb growled louder at his touch, making him recoil.
“P-Phineas?” said Isabella’s scared voice from behind him “How long was his costume supposed to last?” Phineas didn’t see why that was important in the current situation, but he checked his watch anyway. Horror clawed at his heart. Ferb should have been turned back into himself two hours ago. They’d been so busy trick-or-treating, they’d lost track of time. As Phineas looked back up into his brother’s furry face, a very in-human snarl greeted him. When the wolf reopened his eyes, they were no longer blue. They were golden yellow, with inky black slits. He growled, the fur on his back standing on end, foamy saliva dripping from his jaws. Very, very slowly, he started to prowl at his terrified brother, his eyes empty and cold.
“Phineas...don’t...move...” Jessie sounded like she was about to faint. No problem following that order, Phineas was so paralyzed with fear he couldn’t have moved even if he wanted too. Then a completely different voice brought him to his senses:
“YOU IDIOT, RUN!” Candace screamed.
Phineas, jolted, jumped out of the way just as Ferb pounced at him. Then, grabbing Isabella’s hand, he bolted as fast as it was possible to in a nacho chip costume in the opposite direction. Then, as he and all his friends ran for their lives, a terrible noise rang out into the cold midnight air:
You Smell Delicous
The only reason nobody lost their lives within the next ten seconds was simply because Ferb wasn’t used to running four-legged style. He slipped and stumbled repeatedly, but hardly slowed down. He was hungry, and he didn’t care who he ate.
“P-Phineas, wh-what happened to him?” Isabella shouted through heavy pants.
“Th-the wolf DNA was in him too long.” Phineas responded “H-his blood went through his brain t-too many times.” He wiped his sweaty forehead, still running faster than he ever had in his life. “I-it’s my fault. I-I should’ve remembered to- AH!”
His foot struck against an uneven bump in the street, and he tripped, almost pulling Isabella down with him. Fortunately, he managed to break his fall with his hands. Unfortunately, this didn’t stop him from getting hurt quite badly. Also unfortunately, this gave Ferb just the opportunity he was waiting for.
“PHINEAS!!” Everybody cried. Ferb pounced, barking savagely, his gnarled jaws aiming for his prey’s neck. Phineas braced himself for the strike, feeling Ferb’s hot breath against his back, when somebody much bigger than him grabbed him, pulled him clean into the air, and kicked Ferb square in the nose, making him stagger back with a yelp of pain.
“Back off, brute!” Candace shouted “If anybody’s gonna hurt this kid, it’s me!”
Jessica was running like power through an electric cable. That girl could outrun anybody anytime, but put her in a life-threatening situation, and nothing alive stood a chance.
“I’ve got an idea!” she shouted as everyone struggled to keep up “Come on!”
They followed her down the road, through the just-falling-asleep city, and to...Tri-State Plank and Board? It was a good place to go for building supplies, but didn’t seem too helpful if you happened to be running from a bloodthirsty monster.
“J-jessie, wha-?” Phineas began.
“Just trust me!” she snapped.
They all rushed into the massive building. Beside the conveyor-belt filled room, which was now motionless, there were aisles apon aisles of wooden planks, and plenty of hiding places.
“Split up!” Jessie whisper-shouted.
WereFerb had tripped and fallen behind them before they’d got there, but he was sure to come back. Phineas, Isabella and Jessie ran in one direction, Buford and Baljeet in another, and Candace ran straight ahead. Total silence fell. Phineas dashed into an aisle of wood, slipped behind one and fell on all fours, trying to get his breath back.
“Jessie...you’re...a...a genius.” he panted.
“Don’t mention it.” she said, seeming hardly tired at all "I lived on the streets for months, this place is perfect for hiding from people who intend on killing you". She’d torn a long rip in the hem of her dress so it would be easier to run. Isabella had collapsed next to Phineas and was shivering violently, her face almost pure white from fear. Phineas pulled her up next to her and held her hand, hoping and praying that the others were okay. Jessie’s brow furrowed, then her eyes widened in terror.
Despite his now canine body, Jessica could still read Ferb’s thoughts. Not his mind, just his thoughts. And from what she was hearing, she could hardly believe it was her brother:
Come on out, snackies, come out and play. Don’t worry, I’ll make it quick. I’m sure you won’t feel a thing. Oh, don’t try to hide, I can smell you. You smell scared, terrified. Ah, fear is delicious...
Phineas, who was covering his mouth with his sweaty hand, peered around the edge of the wall, and saw his transmogrified brother. He was looking even worse. His hair was sticking out in all directions and his eyes almost seemed to glow. He was pacing in circles, carefully sniffing the ground. Thankfully, the smell of sawdust was interfering with Ferb’s olfactory senses enough to keep them from immediate danger, but a dog’s sense of smell is 100,000 to 1,000,000 times better than a human’s. There was no way they could hide forever.
Then the silence was shattered:
“AH! On no, Buford, don’t! This is a bad idea, a bad- Aieeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!”
Before anybody could react, something shot through the air like a missile. WereFerb’s gaze followed it. Then, his chase instinct seeming to overcome his predatory instinct, he ran at it, barking and panting wildly. Everybody else’s jaw dropped. Buford, in an absurd attempt to distract the monstrous wolf, had thrown Baljeet the Football like a professional player. But Buford clearly acted before he thought, because this put Baljeet in very imminent danger of being eaten. WereFerb leaped several feet in the air and snatched the ball in his teeth, and was about to shred it to pieces. Buford, if I live, I am going to kill you. Phineas thought as he did something both very brave and very stupid: he tackled the wolf, clinging very tightly to his fur to not get thrown off. WereFerb howled and tried to buck Phineas off of his back, scrabbling at him with his paws, but to no avail. Then he rolled over, squashing Phineas underneath him and stunning him. Phineas was about to be ripped into dog food, when Ferb was grabbed from behind.
“Get off him!” Candace growled in an even meaner voice than the wolf.
WereFerb barked and struggled, his eyes going wild, and he sank his teeth into her hand. Candace’s scream of pain was drowned out almost immediately as WereFerb broke free of her grip. He spun around in a flurry of fur and claws, and pounced on her with such strength they were knocked back several feet. He barreled her over twice, end over end, and they were swallowed by the shadows.
For about a second, there was silence. Painfully loud silence. Phineas got shakily to his feet and stared, terrified, at the spot where his sister had vanished. Then his mouth went dry.
He started to run, but was held back by someone. He struggled with all his might, but her grip was far too strong.
“P-Phineas, no, you’ll- Phineas listen to me- Phineas, listen!”
It was Isabella, and she sounded shaken.
“Th-There’s nothing you can- Phineas, stop!”
“Let go of me!”
“P-Phineas,” Her voice was cracking “Th-there’s nothing you can do about it! Y-you’re just gonna get yourself k-killed!”
“I DON’T CARE!”
“Phineas, we have to get out of here!”
Phineas reached fruitlessly forward with the one arm that wasn’t being restrained.
Jessie grabbed him from Isabella's clutches and was about to hit him across the face to get him to shut up and listen, when they heard something that made them all stop dead: a pitiful, sad little whimper, like a puppy that has just been caught in the act chewing on the sofa. It grew sadder, more desperate, until it was a whine of misery. Isabella and Jessie let go of Phineas, but he didn’t run. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the flashlight he’d almost forgotten he’d brought with him. He clicked it on, and walked toward the heartbroken sound, his friends close behind him. The beam of light fell across the source of the noise. It was Ferb. He was crouched down next to Candace, who seemed to be unconscious, and was nudging her shoulder with his muzzle, as if desperately asking her to wake up, his ears and tail droopy. His eyes were no longer a nightmarish yellow. They were deep blue, human-looking, and full of guilt.
“Ferb?” said Jessie cautiously.
Ferb looked up at his friends and wagged his tail. He seemed to be in his right mind again, heaven knows why. Phineas patted him on the head then went to inspect Candace. Jessie got down on her knees and hugged the big furball, who gave her a slobbery little lick on the ear.
“Is Candace okay?” she asked over his shaggy shoulder.
“Well, she’s alive, if that’s what you mean.” Phineas replied, feeling a pulse on his sister’s wrist. He shined the flashlight on her hand, examining the bite Ferb had given her. Amazingly, it was tiny. Maybe band-aid and disinfectant worthy, but Phineas had been expecting far worse.
“Yeah, she’ll be fine.” he said, feeling almost lightheaded with relief. Ferb cleaned the cut tenderly with his tongue, still whimpering guiltily.
“She’ll be fine, Ferb, really.” Phineas said, hoisting Candace up with the help of Jessie, Isabella and Baljeet, whom Buford had finally set free from the football.
“What happened to Ferb?” Buford asked, the only one not helping carry Candace. “I thought he was gonna tear out your spleen, give it too his uncle, and have him do something questionable with it?”
They carried Candace out the door of the building.
“Not sure.” Phineas replied “Ferb must’ve released enough DNA in that bite too...turn...him...”
Slowly, he stopped talking, taking in what he’d just said. Then he froze in his tracks, making Candace crumple up before the others could stop.
Right then and there, he dropped Candace in an unceremonious heap onto the ground, grabbed Isabella’s hand again, and ran, his mind going numb with panic. Everybody stared.
“Phineas? What the?!-” Isabella started to say, trying to squirm her hand out of his.
But Ferb seemed to sense something was wrong too. The fur on his back stood up, and he sniffed the air. One whiff of the cut on Candace’s hand, which was beginning to look a little green, and he immediately understood. He started barking like a maniac, shoving Jessie and his friends away from her with his head.
“Ferb, what on earth-?” she began.
"Move!" he yelped at her in his mind "We don’t have a lot of time!"
"Time until what?"
"I infected her with me! One more minute and she’ll become-"
Your Sister is a Werewolf
As Phineas fled with Isabella’s hand tight in his, only one thought was going through his head: Okay, is there ever going to be a Halloween where I can trick or treat and not have to run for my life half the time?He heard a howl behind him but didn’t stop to look, knowing whatever he saw would paralyze him with fear again. He ran from the building and into the heart of the dozing city, the thought of being shredded to pieces by his own sister the only thing keeping him going, the chilly night air piercing his lungs like nails. He ran blindly through the streets, not knowing where any sort of help was. Phineas heard a snarl behind him, then an insane bout of viscous barking. He tried to keep his eyes glued ahead of him, but the temptation took over. He looked, and nearly screamed.
The monster that was pursuing him was scarier, yet somehow more majestic than Wereferb ever was. Her fur was long, glossy and fiery orange, like Candace’s hair. Her claws were obsidian black and deadly sharp. And instead of big and awkwardly built like Ferb, she was slim and streamlined, like a greyhound. Her fangs were gleaming in the moon as she bayed madly, her eyes green and glowing slightly. To top it all, she was enormous: twice as tall as Wereferb, and three times as long. Terror-stricken, Phineas led his friends into the nearest building that was unlocked: a multi-level parking lot. He ran to the elevator that took them between levels, crammed everyone inside, and slammed his hand on the buttons. WereCandace leaped at the door, but all she met was Buford’s fist. She was rubbing her muzzle with her paw just as the door closed.
“Normally, I wouldn’t hit a girl.” Buford said “But I’ll make an exception this time.”
The room started to rise. It got very quiet, except for the sound of everybody trying to get their breath back. It wasn’t a particularly large elevator, so fitting five small people and a large dog into it was no picnic, and ideal breathing room was limited. Isabella’s knees buckled and she crumbled exhaustedly against Phineas’s shoulder, who caught her before she could fall.
The doors slid open. They saw nobody, but Ferb’s ears perked up. As everyone stepped out of the elevator, Ferb stood in front of them with his eyes fixed on a staircase on the opposite side. His lip curled back as he started to growl, his head lowered, his limbs tense and ready to pounce. He was weary, like everyone else, but refused to show it. A pair of glowing green eyes appeared, followed by another, more bloodthirsty growl. When the second wolf stepped into the flashlight’s beam, Ferb crouched down and snarled angrily, blocking the path to his friends. WereCandace broke into a run, straight at Ferb and the others, then jumped, eight feet in the air, straight over Ferb’s head. At least, she would have jumped that far, but Ferb wouldn’t let her. He sprang up and slammed her, mid-jump, with his paws. They fell backwards and hit the concrete floor with a yelp and a thud. WereCandace growled, grabbed the scruff of Ferb’s neck in her teeth and threw him to the side. Ferb rolled over, got back on his feet, and pounced on her. The two dogs began to fight. WereFerb sank his teeth into WereCandace’s neck, she bit into his shoulder, and they reared up, tearing at each other with their claws, trying to bring the other to the floor. Ferb was strong, but it was clear who had the upper paw. Candace pulled him right off the ground, then slammed him against a parked car, making Ferb howl in pain and everybody onlooking the fight wince. Isabella screamed and Phineas shouted “Ferb!”. WereFerb was injured, but not badly. As the wolves continued to brawl, Jessie suddenly got a strange look on her face, like she had just had an epiphany.
“I’ve got an idea.” she said quietly. Then she turned back toward the elevator.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think you’re going?” Phineas asked, grabbing her arm before she could move.
“What?! You can’t leave Ferb here, she’ll kill him! Then she could attack anybody in the city!”
“I know that! Just keep her occupied, I think I know how to turn her back! Just don’t let her go anywhere! And make sure Ferb doesn’t get hurt.”
“Phineas, trust me, I know what I’m doing. Do you have a better idea?”
Normally, Phineas had more ideas than a movie screenwriter with too much free time and not enough funding, but he was too scared and tired at the present time to think of anything.
“Hurry back, Ferb can’t fight much longer.”
And with that, she opened the elevator door and left.
Even if you had been to every dog fight that ever was, where people payed to watch dogs tear each other apart just for the sake of entertainment, you would have never met a more tenacious or adamant gladiator than WereFerb was that night. No matter how many times WereCandace struck him down and no matter how bad he was hurt, he wouldn’t let her win. But it was clear he was losing strength. Candace was simply too powerful. And all Phineas and the others could do was watch. Phineas squeezed Isabella’s hand, feeling every minute they had left slip by, clinging to the hope that Jessie’s plan would work. The dogs fought until Ferb was pressed against the safety rail by the ledge of the parking lot level, ten, maybe twenty feet above the ground, Candace pinning him there with her paws. Ferb barked desperately, maybe to be beg for mercy, maybe to see if there was any human left in her, but it didn’t work either way, because it wasn’t a second later before she flipped him over the edge.
“No!” Phineas shouted “NOOOO!”
He heard his brother howl as he fell, followed by a rustling thud as he landed in the shrubbery below. He let out a small, wheezy whimper, then silence.
Before anybody else could move, WereCandace turned toward them, freezing them with fear. Her limbs and belly were cut from the fight, and her fangs were drippy with saliva. The tattered remains of her clothing were covered in fur and sweat. Her eyes looked literally insane with bloodlust. She began to charge them...
“OY, BIFFENKRIRK! YOU LOOK LIKE AN ORANGE-GLORFED FURBY!”
Everybody’s heads turned so fast, they almost cricked their necks. There, standing in the elevator door, aiming Ferb's old slingshot straight at Candace, was Jessica. In the strap of the weapon sat a most unlikely ammo: A syringe, full to the plunger with electric blue liquid. This chemical, which Phineas should've used on Ferb a long time ago, was supposed to counteract the effects of the first one and return Ferb to his usual techie self. Hopefully, it would do the same for Candace, minus the techie part. Candace was apparently unflattered by Jessie’s remark, or she simply found her more savory looking than Buford, because she snarled and immediately directed her attack on her.
“Eat antidote, fleabag!”
Despite the fact that they had been wombmates, Ferb and Jessie didn't really have a lot in common, but one trait they did share was unbelieveably professional aiming skills. The syringe shot through the air like an arrow and implanted itself right in her shoulder. And it wasn’t the needle-less variety. She wailed in pain and tripped, tumbling to the floor. She clawed out the projectile with her other paw, but it had already done it’s job. She suddenly went very stiff, then her head flopped to the floor, her eyes staring into space.
“Way to go, Jessie!” Phineas whooped.
“That....was awesome.” Buford said admiringly.
Baljeet gave Buford a weird look, about to ask him why he’d complimented a girl for doing something a boy couldn't, but Buford just elbowed him to shut him up. Quickly forgetting the celebration, Phineas ran over to the railing and shined his flashlight down at the spot where the other wolf had landed.
There was a low moan, and something green stepped out of the shrub below, limping slightly, and looked up. Ferb seemed amazed that Phineas was unhurt.
“Ferb, we’re all safe! Candace is turning into herself again! Come on up!”
Ferb wagged his tail and headed for the elevator, keeping one paw up as he went. Phineas felt a tap on his shoulder
“Umm, Phineas?” said Isabella’s voice from behind him “I think you said that a little too soon.”
WereCandace was on her paws again, but she was still a wolf. She growled and started to run at them, then yelped and fell to the floor, her limbs jerking. She was breathing heavily, her eyes going out of focus. She curled up into a ball and clawed at her belly, whimpering in either pain or pure madness.
“Jessie?" Phineas said in a forced-calm voice "What exactly did that chemical’s label say?”
“‘Costume Reversal, use on Ferb at 9:00 PM’”?
“And did you read the back?”
“...There was something on the back?”
“The second label that said ‘Combine with Chemical 6 before using’?! Jessie, you just poisoned her!”
Phineas estimated they had three and a half minutes before Candace was painfully reduced to a quivering pulp, or worse.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Isabella said, trying to calm herself “What was in this ‘Chemical 6’?”
“Heptapeptide.” Phineas replied
“No, really, it’s a venom. It causes severe pain and, in some animals such as dogs, death.”
There was a pause.
“You were planning on injecting a dog...with a venom that can kill a dog?” said Baljeet “Are you crazy?!”
“Snake venom is used to cure snake bites. If we combine heptapeptide with the stuff that Jessie just stabbed her with, it’ll turn her back into herself.”
“Right, but as you may have noticed,” Buford said “I doubt there’s any hepta-whatsit around here.”
"I know, I know!" Phineas covered his eyes and screwed up his face. Think, Flynn! he thought to himself Think! Where does heptapeptide come from? It’s a venom, it’s from an animal. Which animal? I've read this somewhere, it’s semi-aquatic, it’s a mammal... His eyes opened wide.
Between the shock of WereFerb losing his mind and his sister turning into a werewolf, Phineas had completely forgotten that his platypus was still sitting in Isabella’s quiver. At least, that’s where he should’ve been.
“Perry? Perry, where are you? Perry?! Perry, come on boy, we need you! PERRY?!”
Everybody scattered, trying to find the little monotreme, but there was no sign of him.
“Perry?! Perry, why did you have to wait to disappear until now!?” Phineas shouted, too scared to sound angry.
As it turned out, Perry had taken into account the dangerous situation and had snuck away to get backup from OWCA. Unfortunately, he was having extreme difficulty getting the message across to Major Monogram. It had taken him the entire time the wolves were fighting to even tell him half the story.
“Agent P, really, who ever heard of a boy turning himself into an animal for Halloween?” said the Major’s face from the small screen on Perry’s wristwatch. “What’s the real reason you called?”
Perry chattered in frustration, his paw slapping against his forehead. Just then, he heard his name being called and footsteps approaching. Perry ducked behind a car tire, trying to mime out the rest of his massage to his boss, when something hairy, green and smelly poked right in next to him, scaring him out of his skin. A big, black nose was sniffing him intently.
“Agent P! Is that a-a green dog?!” Major Monogram startled “Agent P, forget about the werewolf, this is a much more pressing manner!”
As if there were an audience watching him, Perry looked off to his peripheral with an unamused glare. He scrabbled away from the nose, but it had already done its job. WereFerb threw back his head and howled, like a hound dog that just caught the scent of a fox, then tried to dig Perry out from under the car with his paws. Phineas and the others heard Ferb’s signal and ran to the scene.
“Sorry, boy.” Phineas said as he crawled under the car and pulled a struggling Perry out “But you’re gonna have to do something for us, and you’re probably not gonna like it.”
Perry tried desperately to squirm out of his owner’s hands to finish his call to the agency, but Phineas wouldn’t let him go. When they got back to WereCandace, it didn’t look good. Her breathing was shallow and her eyes looked cloudy and faraway. Knowing he had very little time, Phineas grabbed Perry’s hind leg and felt around the heel of his webbed foot. Few people know this, but platypuses are one of the very few venomous mammals, and they release this venom through a sharp spur on their hind legs. A venom which contains the very chemical compound that they needed. Perry, being the world’s only tame platypus, knew very well to keep his spur flat and never use it, but this was an emergency. Phineas closed his eyes tight, bit his lip, and drove Perry’s heel into the werewolf’s back. Isabella covered her eyes and hid her face in Phineas’s shoulder as the wolf wailed in agony. Phineas didn't blame her: Platypus venom wasn't lethal, but it reportedly hurts so bad you wish it was. Perry fell to the floor and scrambled away. Phineas tried to not look like a wimp, but once the dog began turn back into a human, he had to conceal his eyes to avoid getting sick. He heard the yelps of pain slowly turn into whimpers, then into...nothing.
It was completely quiet. After a minute, Phineas decided it was safe to look. Candace was herself again, but battered pretty badly from the fight. Everybody waited, but she didn’t move. She just lay there, not moving a muscle. Phineas couldn’t even tell if she was breathing or not.
“C-Candace?” Phineas said “C-can you hear me?”
Phineas got down on his knees and shook her shoulder.
Jessie knelt down next him and felt her heart.
“She’s still got her smeet.”
Phineas looked at her.
“She’s alive.” She said, translating her alien slang. “But I don’t know if she’ll come back to us.”
Phineas turned his head back to his unconscious sister. He wanted to beg her to wake up, but he simply didn’t have the energy. He was repeating a silent prayer at a hundred miles an hour: Please let her be okay, please let her be okay, please let her be okay...
“Wake up, Candace.” he said quietly, holding her cold hand tightly in his. “Look, I...I don’t think you can hear me, but I wish Ferb had bitten me instead. I wish it had been me that got turned into a dog. I-I really wish it was me lying there instead of you.” He could feel his throat getting tight, but he refused to believe that she was gone. “I’m sorry, Sis. I’m sorry I c-couldn’t...help you...”
His voice finally broke. Phineas felt a three-fingered hand on his shoulder.
“Oh, Phineas, it wasn’t your fault!” Jessie said, her own voice thick. “S-she’ll be okay...”
But she didn’t sound honest with herself when she spoke.
Behind them, they heard the sound of heavy paws. There stood WereFerb, his injured leg still up by his body. He looked at Candace, then he looked at Phineas. He looked at Jessie, at the syringe on the floor, and at the swollen cut in Candace’s back. He looked the whole scene with sad, sad eyes, then began to howl. And it wasn’t the howl they’d heard what felt like hours and hours ago; it was a howl of grief. Phineas wrapped one arm around the dog’s shaggy shoulders, Isabella took Phineas’s hand, and Buford and Baljeet just stared, blank-faced, without really anything to input. And Jessie began to cry. Hard. Now, that may not sound like much, but between growing up on another planet with an abusive alien mother and spending a whole winter on the streets in her pajamas with nothing to live in but a cramped space vessel, Jessie was one of the most unbreakable girls you could ever meet. She made Buford look like a total pansy. But there she sat, crying her little blue eyes out into her knees, thinking about her sister and wishing she could hear her speak again, just once....
“Owww...Next time we go anywhere, make sure whoever replaces me as a chaperon has had all their dog bite shots.”
Everybody opened their eyes and looked up.
Candace, whom everybody had assumed to be pushing up daises, was sitting up and rubbing the back of her head with a dazed expression on her face. She was scratched, bruised and battered up, but very much alive. She looked around at everybody’s stunned faces.
“...Did I miss something?”
Ferb went completely nuts: He literally knocked her to the ground with an ambush puppy hug and began licking every inch of her face he could reach, barking and yipping ecstatically like a lunatic.
“Ah, ew!...He-Hey Ferb.” she said, ruffling the fur on his head “You seem to be feeling like yourself again.”
She eventually managed to wrestle Ferb off, only to get strangle-hugged by Phineas and Jessie, though, thankfully, neither of them started drooling on her.
“I thought you were gone for good...” whispered Phineas, who was still very shaky “I thought...I thought...”
Candace patted her little brother on the back.
“Don’t worry, lil’ bro, you’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
Phineas was so tired he wanted to curl up and spend the night in the parking lot, but Candace reminded him that they still had to turn Ferb back into his usual zany alien-boy self. Plus, they didn’t want their parents to come home tomorrow morning and find the house deserted. So, they all trudged home. Buford revealed that he’d somehow managed to save all the candy that they’d dropped when WereFerb started chasing them, so this whole adventure hadn't been a total wash. When Phineas asked where on earth he’d kept all of it, Buford replied that it was the same place where he always kept his velvet rope. After all the candy had been distributed, they each left to return to their homes. Few things feel more comforting than returning to your house with all your limbs intact after a werewolf almost eats you. Upon entering the mini-lab again, Phineas discovered that they still had more of the werewolf reversal chemical, and this time they remembered to combine it with Chemical 6. Ferb felt a little sick when he returned to his usual self, but he figured a good night’s sleep would do the trick. His brother and sisters were delighted to see him again, even though he still smelled like...well, a dog. Everyone said goodnight, dragged themselves to each of their rooms, then crashed in their beds, not even bothering to put on their pajamas.
“Next year,” Ferb said as he pulled up his covers “I think it would be best if we skipped the genetic engineering and just wear something instead.”
Then he passed out.
Trivia and Background Information
- The title is a parody of the famous comedy/horror film An American Werewolf in London.
- In Chapter 4, Phineas suggest pooling the candy into a pile and separating it into categories. This is a Halloween tradition for the author's family.
- The title of Chapter 7 is named after the second installment in The Howling films, a film series that also centers around werewolves.
- The alien word "Smeet" is from the television series Invader Zim, though in that show it's a word for a young Irken.
- The idea for this story started as an uncolored doodle the author wrote in her sketchpad.
- The line "I thought you were gone for good." is from the story "Phineas's Journal" by FerbIsMyLover, also said by Phineas during a similar situation, but to a different character.
- The line "You're not getting rid of me that easy." is from the film Night at the Museum, though the words are changed slightly.
- The line "If I live, I am going to kill you." is from the film Megamind.