Perry "The Platypus" Mason


 * Author's Note: When you see italics it means that was Perry is thinking and wants to say.*

Chapter 1
An Urgent Message

''Beep. Beep. Beep. ''Agent P's secret agent watch beeped as he flew to Heinz Doofenshmirtz's penthouse appartment in his hovercar. He pressed the "answer" button and Major Monogram's grim face appeared.

"Agent P," Major Monogram said, a look of confusion and dispair on his face, "we need you to report to your lair immediatly." Agent P turned back to his house, quite worried. ''What if something happened to Phineas or Ferb? Or Candace, Lawrence, or Linda? ''He didn't want to think the worst, but when you're a secret agent, that is always first instinct.

Agent P was swept with relief when he was his host family doing nothing out of the ordinary. For them. Unfortunately, his tranquility left as soon as it came. One constant thought was ringing in his head: what is so urgent?

Agent P quietly hovered down to the backyard, where he slipped out of his car and sneaked into his lair. Major Monogram and Carl were standing there, looking concerned.

"Agent P," started Major Monogram. He paused, as though Agent P knew why he was here. "OWCA has been... shut down." Agent P gasped. "Someone bought it and their offer was too high to refuse. Little did we know they were evil."

"Whoever bought the organization," continued Carl, "fired all they agents. They also left this note for you." Carl handed Agent P a 3" by 5" card. It said: "Ha! Now, OWCA is under my control! It was only a matter of time before your precious agency was mine. Soon, you, Perry, will be in my hands, as well. --#976A12V3SE45SA7N32."

Agent P--or should we call him Perry, now?--took the card. With forlorn in his eyes, he placed his fedora, his symbol of secret agent-ness, on his chair and walked out.

Chapter 2
Unemployment

"Hey, where's--?" Phineas Flynn stopped when he was his platypus walk up to him. "Oh, hi buddy. Wanna help us with today's activity?" ''Yeah. I've always thought you guys were cool,'' he wanted to say, but instead he just chittered. "I wonder where he goes."'''

"Maybe he's a superhero," Ferb Fletcher joked.

"Today we're going to create a suit that will allow us to breathe underwater and use it to skateboard at the bottom of the ocean!"

Maybe retiring will be good for me.

"I'm calling Mom!" squealed Candace Flynn.

Then again, maybe not. It seemed Phineas noticed Candace irritated Perry.

"Don't worry, boy," he said soothingly. "You get used to it."

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"So, Perry?" asked Phineas. "I bet you'be had a lot of fun with us, huh? Sometimes I think you miss what we do, but now I know you don't."

''It has been fun, but I miss being an agent. I wish I knew who bought OWCA. Maybe I should figure that out. ''Perry sneaked down to his old lair after Phineas and Ferb fell asleep. There has to be some clues he can use.

Perry was in his lair until he heard Phineas and Ferb starting their new project. The sound of their jackhammers woke him with a start. His pencil stuck to his face, so he gently pulled it off. Whoever did this was good. No fingerprints, hairs, dandruff. He couldn't even do a handwriting test becuase the message was typed.

"I know." A squeaky, nasaly voice startled Perry. It was only Carl. "I've tried it all, too. If this helps, this person's cheap. They only gave us three thousand bucks." Perry thought of all the possible people it can be. It could have been any of the agents' nemisises. Then again, the note was directed to him. He only had two nemesises: Doofenshmirtz and The Regurgitator. The Regurgitator is in jail and Doofenshmirtz isn't smart enough to come up with that.

Who is it? WHO IS IT???? The curiosity tourtured him. He may not be an agent again, but he won't be able to live the rest of his life without knowing who ruined it.'''

Chapter 3
An Anagram

After another week of unknowing, Perry returned to his lair. It appeared many other agents tried to figure out who bought OWCA, because the other elavators lacked cobwebs and dust.

Down in his lair, he looked at the note. The codename had an odd aura. He'd seen codenames before, but they were usually something like "the Cupcake" or "the Person". Never a number and letter sequence. The letters didn't seem random, like he expected. Perhaps it's an anagram! On a sheet of paper, Perry wrote down the codename without the numbers.

After who knows how many attempts to try to decode the letters, including "AS SWAVE", "SEA VANS", and "VASE SAN", he came up with the answer: "VANESSA". Vanessa Doofenshmirtz bought OWCA.

Perry went to Doofenshmirtz's appartment and, instead of his usual breaking and entering, he knocked.

"Hello?" Doofenshmirtz poked his head out the door. "Perry the Platypus? Where have you been? You know, it's been two weeks. Then again, the other agents haven't showed up to the members of LOVEMUFFIN. What's up?" Perry handed him a cell phone with a picture of his daughter. "What, Vanessa?" He held the phone to his ear. "You want to call her? What are you, a creeper?" Perry dialed her number. "Hey, gimme that!"

"Hello Vanessa. Uh, can you.." Perry moved his arms in a "come to me" motion. "Come here? I guess. Why? Um, I..." Perry handed him some envelopes. "I got your mail. Ten minutes? Ok. Bye!" He closed the phone.

Now let's find out what's going on.

Chapter 4
Confrontation

"Perry the Platypus, where do you keep all your stuff?" Doofenshmirtz tried to pass the time by asking awkward, and often inappropriate, questions. Ding Dong. "Never mind." Doofenshmirtz opened the door to reveal his goth daughter.

"Ok, Dad, what's the real reason you called me over here?" Vanessa shot her father a cold stare that rendered him dumb (dumber than usual).

"Uh," Doofenshmirtz stuttered, "Perry the Platypus wanted to see you." Vanessa walked over to Perry.

"Hey, what's up?" Perry handed her the note. She obviously seemed to recognize it. "I... I gotta go." She ran to the door. Now, normally, Perry didn't like to use his gadgets on girls. He grabbed a small device. With a flick of a switch, Vanessa was immobilized. "Hey!" She yelled as Perry turned her around.

"Perry the Platypus!" screamed Doofenshmirtz. "Are you verrückt?"

"Dad! Make him let me go!" Doofenshmirtz was about to attack Perry, but he saw the card on the floor. She apparently dropped it when she became immobilized.

"What's this?" Doofenshmirtz read the card, which took a while. "Vanessa, what do you have to do with this?"

Vanessa sighed, as though she'd been dreading, yet expecting, this moment. "It was me. I bought Perry's agency."

"But, why? I mean, I'm impressed, nonetheless, it's quite evil, but why?"

"I thought that by firing the agents, you wouldn't be evil. Remember all those times Perry didn't fight you, but you wanted him to? In fact, without Perry, you haven't built any inators in the past week. And I thought that if you weren't evil..." she mummered something that sounded like "your on and should be lather."

"What?"

"You and mom would get back together! There, I said it."

"Oh, Vanessa, that's so sweet! Who would have thought under all that goth you'd have a heart for you family!"--Couldn't have said it better myself--"Perry the Platypus, let her go." Perry shook his head.

"Why not? I technically didn't do anything wrong!" Perry took out a pen and paper and wrote down what he wanted.

Chapter 5
Vanessa's Humiliation

"I must admit Perry," sneered Vanessa, "you have evil in you." Perry blushed. Vanessa waddled over to her father. "Dad! Aren't you going to do something?"

"I am," Doofenshmirtz replied as he held up a camcorder.

"Ugh. Please don't put this on the Internet!"

"I wouldn't dream of it! Then again, I might, after all I'm evil. I'll sleep on it. Action!"

Vanessa sighed as she started dancing the Macarana in her fat-suit, rainbow afro wig, and frilly ball gown. "Hey everybody! I'm Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, although you may know me as #976A12V3SE45SA7N32. That's right! I bought OWCA for three grand!"

"Where did she get three big ones?" Perry elbowed Doofenshmirtz.

"I am hereby giving it back to you. And I'm gonna let you keep the money," she finished through clenched teeth.

"I'm proud of you, baby girl!" Doofenshmirtz embraced his daughter. "You actually did something evil!"

"Whatever," Vanessa replied. "I'm gonna get changed and then meet my friends at a party."

"Be back at your mother's house by ten!"

"We'll see!"

Vanessa entered another room as Doofenshmirtz handed Perry the tape. "Well, goodbye Perry the Platypus."

I don't hit girls, but this is for what she did. Perry kicked Doofenshmirtz in a painful spot. Hard. So hard, his reply sounded like he breathed helium for three years.

"That smarts, Perry the Platypus! Did you miss me?"

''In a way. Oh, this is to make up for those two weeks''. He punched him in the eye and walked out.

Epilouge
Back to Normal

"Thank you for saving this agency," said Major Monogram. Perry had shown Major Monogram and Carl the tape, and they couldn't be more happy. Except maybe when Major Monogram got married and Carl got friended. "And just for that, we'd like to present you with a raise and vacation!"

"But sir," Carl interrupted, "I thought you said you were only gonna give him an extra hour of sleep." Perry--or should we call him Agent P?--glared at his boss.

"Carl!" yelled Major Monogram. Agent P left, happy enough that his once again, employed.

"Oh," said Phineas, "there you are, Perry." His catchphrase was music to Agent P's ears.

"Mom! The boys created an island!" Candace's squealing killed the moment. Her psychotic behavior was not what he had in mind after doing the most noble thing in his career.

"Sweet dreams, Perry." Ferb's melodic English accent was the last thing Agent P heard before drifting off into a well-deserved nap.

Trivia and Background Information

 * In Chapter 3, Perry finds out whodunnit by unscrambling the letters in a codename. A similar method is used in Spy Kids: All The Time in The World
 * This story started off as a story where Agent P is laid off and goes looking for work. I changed it a lot because it seemed like the episode "Oh, There You Are Perry"
 * My favorite character is Agent P, which is why this fanfic is centered on him
 * In Chapter 4, Doofenshmirtz asks Perry where he keeps his stuff (secret agent gear, fedora, etc.). I have always wondered that myself, despite the fact it's a cartoon
 * In Chapter 1 and the Epilouge, I put in -- and say "or shall we call him...?", which is similar to what Lemony Snicket does in A Series of Unfortunate Events (the books, not the movie)