How Phineas vs. Isabella should have ended/Transcript

Act I
(The show's logo with the episode's title appears in the black background. Gunshots can be heard. The scene then fades up into the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. Phineas & Ferb are planning to build something, when suddenly Isabella comes into the backyard.)

Isabella: Hi, Phineas. I've got something to tell you.

Phineas: Hey, Isabella. Wait, aren't you gonna say (imitating Isabella's voice) "Whatcha doin'?"?

Isabella: (blushes) Oh, Phineas, you didn't need to say that! But on a serious note, I have a confession to make.

Phineas: What is it?

Isabella: You see, Phineas, I have a boyfriend.

Phineas: Of course, that's me!

Isabella: No, not you!

Phineas: Huh?

Isabella: I have a NEW boyfriend. I know, it sounds very worrying to you, but trust me, he's a nice boy. He's from Russia!

Phineas: Russia?

Isabella: Yes, his name is Petya Kushnarov. He's the grandson of the Russian cosmonaut Sergei Kushnarov. Would you like to meet him?

Phineas: No, I don't think I'm ready.

(Petya, Baljeet & Buford come into the backyard)

Petya: Hey, Phineas!

Phineas: Are you Petya Kushnarov?

Petya: Da, I'm Petya Kushnarov.

Phineas: Are you trying to take my girlfriend from me?

Petya: Nyet, it's not what you think. Me & Isabella are just friends.

Phineas: Yeah right. Hey, where's Perry?

Baljeet: He's probably gone out for a walk alone.

Buford: Yeah.

Phineas: Oh, never mind then.

Act II
(Scene cuts to the Garcia-Shapiro house, where Isabella & Petya are sitting on the couch)

Isabella: You know, I always loved Russia. Can you tell me about Russian cars?

Petya: They're terrible. They are small by European standards. Especially Lada models 2101-21099 & models 2113-2115.

Isabella: Man, those cars are quite bad. I don't want to sit in the back.

Petya: The back seat of those cars is extremely uncomfortable.

Isabella: Yeah. Hey, have you ever, like, kissed a girl before?

Petya: No I haven't.

Isabella: That's too bad.

Petya: What is it like then? (Isabella kisses him. Phineas comes at the door in that moment & gasps.)

Isabella: Phineas! It's not what it looks like!

Phineas: I knew it! You dumped me for this Russian pig?

Petya: No one insults Mother Russia! (beats Phineas to a pulp) How do you like that, Stineas?

Phineas: (weakly) My name's...not...Stineas...

Isabella: See, Phineas? Petya here is quite strong, unlike you.

Phineas: I'll get you for this. I mean it.

Act III
(Scene cuts to nighttime, when Isabella & Petya are sleeping. Phineas sneaks in through the window & puts a transquilizer pill inside Petya. Phineas then takes his body, puts it in a coffin, locks him & proceeeds to bury him in the graveyard. The next day, Isabella wakes up & gasps)

Isabella: Where's Petya?

(Scene cuts to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard)

Isabella: PHINEAS!

Phineas: Hi, Isabella! Whatcha doin'?

Isabella: Don't "Whatcha doin'?" me, Phineas! Where is my boyfriend?

Phineas: I dunno.

Isabella: You must be hiding something.

(Scene cuts to Candace's room, where Isabella interrogates Candace)

Isabella: Do you know where my boyfriend is?

Candace: Yes. (whispering) Phineas buried him while you were asleep.

Isabella: WHAT?!

Act IV
(Scene cuts to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, Isabella enters the backyard, looking pissed.)

Isabella: You're dead to me, Phineas.

Phineas: (shocked) What?

Isabella: I know everything! You buried Petya alive and this night, I'm gonna make you pay!

Phineas: NO!

Isabella: Yes! You're gonna die, Phineas! YOU! WILL! DIE! (goes away)

Phineas: No. (shouting) NOOOO!! OH, PLEASE GOD, NO!! (calm) I never had feelings for Isabella.

Act V
(Scene cuts to the gun store, where Phineas is now dressed like Claude from Grand Theft Auto III.)

Phineas: 2 pistols & 1 carbine rifle, please.

Gun seller: OK. Say, aren't you a little young to be purchasing guns?

Phineas: Yes, yes I am.

(Scene cuts to the Garcia-Shapiro house, where Isabella pulls the horn out of the unicorn to reveal a hidden room full of weapons. She goes in there, takes 2 Uzis, puts on a grenade handler, changes her outfit to have combat shoes, a black shirt & a bandana. She also takes a knife, a shotgun & a minigun. She goes past Vivian)

Isabella: I'm going for a walk, Mom.

Vivian: OK!

(Scene cuts to night, near the outskirts of Danville. Phineas is sitting next to his car. Isabella pulls up in Candace's car)

Phineas: Hi, Isabella! Wait, why do you have Candace's car?

Isabella: Candace has let me borrow it.

Phineas: OK then.

Isabella: Listen, you & me, we're through.

Phineas: What is this?

Isabella: I've been waiting for this since you buried Petya alive!

Phineas: What the hell is this? You? You came over so that you could kill me? You? Crap! (Isabella shoots at Phineas, but misses. Phineas gets into his car & speeds off. Isabella gets into Candace's car & follows Phineas all over Danville)

Isabella: Oh, you're not gonna get away! (shoots Phineas' car tire with her Uzi, he loses control & crashes his car at the same place where Petya was buried. Isabella gets out & shoots her minigun. Phineas narrowly avoids the shots. Isabella runs out of ammo. Phineas shoots with 2 pistols & Isabella fires back with 2 Uzis. She hides behind a tombstone. So does Phineas. Isabella reloads. Then she & Phineas prepare to jump. They jump in slow motion while firing at each other. All bullets fired fall to the ground. Phineas & Isabella both fall to the ground & run out of ammo. Isabella pulls a shotgun & prepares to shoot Phineas in the mouth, but he kicks it away. They both beat up each other, then fight back with knifes as if they were fighting with swords. Phineas eventually gets cornered between the chasm & Isabella.)

Act VI
Phineas: Who put you up to this? Candace?

Isabella: No!

Phineas: I brought you into my home, Isabella!

Isabella: I was your friend!

Phineas: (weeping) You just keep telling yourself that! It ain't gonna make you feel any better! You were the only girlfriend I had! And now you're gonna kill the only one who's ever been decent to you? In romance, that is! I trusted you, I took you in, you were like a future wife to me, and this is how you repay me?

Isabella: Shut up!

(She punches Phineas in the face, then nearly lets Phineas fall into the chasm. Isabella is holding his hand)

Isabella: I'm so sorry, Phineas! I just had to do it!

Phineas: YOU HYPOCRITE! I SHOULD HAVE KICKED YOU OUT WHEN I WAS BUILDING THAT ROLLERCOASTER!!

Isabella: No really, I'm sorry!

Phineas: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND NOTHING! I'M ALL YOU GOT!!

Isabella: My hand is slipping!

(She lets Phineas go, he screams & falls into the chasm)

Isabella: Served you right.