Conrad Sharpissito Gifolage

 (JIF-oh-lej) is a Canadian-American man from Canada who moved to America at the age of eleven. His family was part of a traveling circus that bred rare antarctic tigers. Their circus did well until the public realized that there were no tigers in Antarctica and they were run out of business. The circus disbanded and Conrad's family was stuck with no mode of transport except for a tiger spraypainted white. The tiger attacked them, only doing damage to Conrad's left big toe. Conrad's mother was severely injured and had to amputate her hair. She is assumed to have not survived the operation, though nobody bothered to check on her and the barbershop door remains unopened to this day. The windows remain open, however, and on the night of a full moon you can sometimes hear the faint noise of rats playing with discarded hair. Conrad and his father, being too cheap and lazy to buy a car, eventually settled on living in an old circus train car, the one that housed the elephant poop for later disposal, on the outskirts of a town known as "Danville". That year he had a number of unsuccessful business attempts, including selling used archery arrows, repairing broken down balloons, stealing christmas, and setting fire to the sun. None of those worked out and Conrad was forced to eating his own pants. It was after he had gone pantsless that he noticed that there was a Slushy Burger hiring across the street. He applied for the job and was turned down for being overqualified. He eventually found work as a male stripper. He read the application wrong, however, and became a mail stripper. He took excess stamps of of letters and packages and such. This was not quite the job he was looking for, so once he had the money, he quit. With that money he was able to buy a jetski and fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming a world-famous jetski rider. At the age of 26 he was severely injured in a jetskiing accident involving a two-pound ball of camel fur, an empty water bottle, and a box of kleenex. This injury left him unable to jetski for the next three months. Sadly, those three months were June, July, and August, the peak jetski season. From outside his hospital window he could see an oversized rollercoaster and the two children that built it. He had stared at it for about three hours before it was lifted into the sky. Then he had figured out how he could make money on it. He found the kids and had a long discussion, that ended with them not agreeing to be his business partner and mountain lions. So many mountain lions.

After his failed business attempt, he came across a trillionaire inventor extreme fighting champion from the future, an amateur stage magician framed for a crime he didn't commit (the 1883 assassination of Abraham Lincoln [he was a platypus {the magician not the president}]), and their state of the art talking rickshaw R.I.C.K. They called themselves "Doof 'n' Puss". He agreed to represent them as their lawyer. Conrad had studied law in clown college. Clown colleges are not known for their law programs so he was a terrible lawyer. They lost the case and he was thrown in jail. During his time in prison he mastered the art of harmonica playing and formed a blues trio with two fellow criminals known as "Skizzle" and "Grizzle". Their trio was called "The Danville State Penintentiarry Maximum Security Prison Blues Funky Time Band". The name didn't catch on so they shortened it to "The". That name caught on and they released a record while still in prison. It went platinum. After a few days, the guards were so into the music they left the doors open and the band was able to escape. They performed multiple gigs before disbanding due to infighting due to pressures from a dwindling fanbase. Conrad teamed up with smash hit rock band Love Handel for a worldwide tour around the world. They lost Bobbi in Antarctica and later found him hiding with a group of tigers. Conrad captured the group of antarctic tigers and proved to the world that they exist. He is currently running a traveling circus that breeds antarctic tigers. His current age is 27.