Irving and Albert are Awesome/Phin O'Clock

This is an episode of Carl's Pop Song Reviews. Carl reviews the songs "Sexy and I Know It" by Irving and Albert and "5 O'Clock" by Phineas featuring Eliza Fletcher and Coltrane. Carl thinks the first song is very bad and the second song would be good if Phineas and Coltrane were not on it.

Memorable Quotes in "Irving and Albert are Awesome"
(screen shows Carl sitting in front of a piano with his arms crossed)

Annotation: Play the song, Carl.

Carl: (angrily) No.

Annotation: Seriously, play the (bleep) song, Carl.

Carl: No, I'm not going to.

Annotation: Oh for the love of Christ, just do it.

Carl: No, no, uh-uh, no...................(facepalm) I cannot believe that I'm reviewing another Irving and Albert song!

Albert: (rapping) When I walk on by, girls be looking like (bleep), he's fly....

Carl: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, let's show it to everyone. Why should I suffer alone? See, Irving and Albert are sexy and they know it, and they want you to know it, and in that case, that can only mean one thing.

Baljeet: (bleep)!

Albert: I'm sexy and I know it..... (takes off all his clothes except for his underwear and starts dancing badly)

Carl:...........

(screen shows the world exploding)

Carl: And then the world exploded~! Yes, the entire planet designated a fiery ball of doom, wiping out the human race, and therefore, preventing me from reviewing this song any longer.......god, I wish.....

Irving: I'm sexy and I know it...(takes off all his clothes except for his underwear and starts dancing badly)

Carl: Yes, they're dancing in Speedos. This is what you wanted, America, and you got it. (sarcastically) Let's enjoy it a little more! (screen shows the music video while Carl starts singing) If you're sexy and you know it, flop your (bleep)! Flop, flop, flop.

Albert: We're headed to the bar, so don't get nervous, no shoes, no shirt, and I still get service....

Carl: (sarcastically) Ha, hilarious. You can get service by the cops, you talentless (bleep)s.

Carl: The best description that I can find for this song is a musical version of this.

(screen shows Buford without a shirt on, laying down on a bed and eating fried chicken)

Buford: I'm hot! Look at that hot body!

Albert: I'm in a Speedo, try'na tan my cheeks....

Annotation: BUTTS LOLOLOL

Carl: These guys have the wit of fifth graders. Not bright ones, either.

(the beat of "Sexy and I Know It" plays)

Carl: (while playing a piano) Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, repeated until the end of time!

Albert: When I walk on by, girls be looking like (bleep) he fly....

Carl: And as usual, their lyrics are so pointless that it's not worth it to annotate them.

Carl: Yes, this is stupid, but there's a place for stupidity. It's the smugness that I can't stand. That's the thing. They're NOT sexy, and they know it. They're also not listenable, and they know it. That's their worst quality, that they have this noxious level of self-awareness of how bad they are, so much so, that their second album, "Sorry for Party Rocking" could probably be more accurately named "Sorry for Sucking". They don't use this self-awareness to make anything new, or go in a different direction, they're trying to do the same thing that everybody else is doing, except worse.

Albert and Irving: (while dancing badly) Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah....

Carl: (facepalm).......Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.....you know what, I don't even know what to say about that. This song couldn't be any worse than......I can't deal with this anymore. I'm done. Good night everybody. (begins leaving the show)

Major Monogram: CARL!

Carl:....what?

Monogram: I am ashamed of you!

Carl:....But....what did I do?

Monogram: I sat through a trilogy of films where people did stuff with garbage, and you can't get through a simple little song just because it has two men dancing with their underwear ON!?

Carl: ....I....Well, it's just really bad.

Monogram: And? You're a critic, this is what you do.

Carl: ....But, I.....

Monogram: If you walk away now, you'll be disrespecting your responsibility as a reviewer, Carl. Doesn't everything, no matter what it is, deserve its day in court. Isn't it your duty as a critic to analyze everything that crosses your eye with as much intellectual rigor as you can muster? Get back in there, and do your job!

Carl:..........No, you're right, Major Monogram. This is my job, and if I don't do it, no one else will. I can't walk away from this. Give me a second, guys, we're going to have to go in deep for this one. (screen shows Carl dressed like Baljeet as violin music plays)

Annotation: Deep Lyrical Analysis

Carl: Let's do it.

Carl: Now, I've already made it clear that I reject the ideas by Irving and Albert and their output, their most recent effort especially. Not because it is the work of witless morons with no distinguishing showing their (bleep)s in my face. (laughs sarcastically) No, that would be a shallow and superficial review indeed. No, I am objecting on a much deeper level because I find "Sexy and I Know It" an unsatisfying piece of work to be dangerous. Let me explain.

Carl: Perhaps the best way to explain "Sexy and I Know It" failings by comparing it to other music's influences. While musically, Irving and Albert do very little to distinguish themselves from the idiots of our day, lyrically, it shows heavy influences from the lyrics of Ferb Fletcher, also known as Ferb the Awesome.

Ferb: (singing) I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt....

Carl: Unfairly dismissed as a one hit wonder in the United States, Ferb has captivated more success in his native England, where the people there have more sophisticated taste than our own.

Annotation: Four number one hits. Seriously.

Albert: I work out...

Carl: LIES! LIES AND BLASPHEMY! They clearly do NOT work out!

Carl: I believed that Irving and Albert could be a force of good in this world, and I was wrong. My disappointment knows no bounds.

Carl: And as a progressive thinker, I do not believe that double standards should be reinforced by two lazy BLITHERING IDIOTS PUTTING OUT SUB-HUMAN DRIBBLE LIKE THIS CONTEMPTUOUS PIECE OF (screams)

(screen shows Daffy Duck screaming)

Carl: Who the (bleep) am I trying to kid!? I'm sick of trying to analyze this piece of (bleep)! IT SUCKS BECAUSE IT SUCKS. End of story. The beat sucks, the lyrics suck, the video quite sucks, it's insulting on every level, made by people who have nothing but arrogance and disdain towards making any kind of music of their own imagination or creativity. (sarcastically) But it's fun. (unsarcastically) No, it's not. I hope I never have to hear this song for as long as I live. Finish this.

(screen shows the end of the music video. Goldy, wearing a mom suit, turns to the camera and his eyes glow red)

Carl:............Why did that end like a Thriller......Never mind! (leaves the show)

(episode ends)

Memorable Quotes in "Phin O'Clock"
TBC

Trivia

 * The creator does not like either of these songs