Platypus Seasoning

(Note: The violence in this story is just like the violence in the cartoon. It’s not gory or anything.  Just to let you know.)

Heinz Doofenshmirtz was walking through the woods wearing Elmer Fudd’s clothes, says, "Be vewwy,vewwy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits." We see Daffy Duck making platypus tracks leading to Perry’s home. When he gets there he wipes off his feet and calls, "Oh, Perry! Perry, buddy, there's a friend here to see ya." Daffy hides behind a nearby rock. "Survivial of the fittest," he tells us. "Besides, it's fun. Woo-hoo!”

Perry comes out of his home. "Did someone knock?" Heinz takes a shot at him. "Say, Doof. Are you trying to get in trouble with the law? Everyone knows it's duck season."

A confused Heinz waits while Daffy and Perry argue, “Platypus season!" "Duck season!" “Platypus season!" "Duck season!"

Perry gets Daffy confused. Daffy says, "I say it's duck season and I say fire!" Heinz shoots him.

An injured Daffy walks over to Perry. "Let's try that again. This time I'll start." They repeat the argument, with Daffy remaining calm, until he gets shot again!

"This time you start," he tells Perry.

"Platypus," says Perry. Daffy shouts, "Duck, fire!" Heinz shoots him, again. Daffy's head is on upside down this time.

Heinz apologizes that he can't play anymore because he has no more bullets left. Daffy starts teasing him. "No bullets?" Daffy, of course, gets shot, and Heinz figures there must have been one bullet left after all.

"Hey, laughing boy," says Perry. Did ya hear that? One bullet left."

"Yeah, I know, I know!" Daffy screams.

Perry is now dressed as a duck and Daffy as a platypus. Daffy says to Heinz, "You know what to do with that gun, Doof.” Heinz sees a platypus season sign and shoots Daffy. Daffy walks over to Perry.

"You're despicable. Yes, you're despicable, and, and" as Daffy thinks up insults for Perry, Perry calmly takes out a book entitled, "1,000 Ways to Cook a Duck," and reads the names of some duck recipes. Daffy counters with his own book, "1,000 Ways to Cook a platypus."

“Platypus au gratin du jour under tooled leather. Drool! Drool!”

Heinz confesses, "I'm sorry, fellas, but I'm a vegetarian. I only hunt for the sport."

Perry and Daffy are outraged. "There's other sports besides hunting, you know!"

Daffy jumps out in a tennis outfit, holding up a racket. "Anyone for tennis?" BLAM! "Nice game, tennis."

"Hey, Doof,” says Perry, "Did you know you were using an elephant gun?"

Daffy adds, "Maybe you should be hunting elephants."

A huge elephant comes out of nowhere and says, "You do and I'll give you such a pinch!" as he pounds Daffy into the ground.

A shot rings out and Heinz is almost hit. Perry is dressed as a buxom blond lady hunter, and Daffy is his dog.

"Oh, how simply dreadful, you poor little man. Did I hurt you with my naughty gun? Chitter Chitter..." Perry’s tail pops out from under the shirt and Heinz recognizes them both.

Perry and Daffy stand in front of a tree with hunting signs tacked on it. They rip away the signs one at a time, each saying, “Platypus season!" "Duck season!" “Platypus season!" "Duck season!"

The last sign proclaims Heinz season. Doof smiles nervously and runs away cursing Perry and Daffy.

Perry and Daffy are now dressed up like Elmer Fudd. "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet," says Perry. "We're hunting Doofenshmirtzez.” Daffy adds, in an Elmer Fudd-like laugh, “heheheheheh.”

THE END!