Mindy's Breakup Song Number 3453

Carl reviews the song "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together". Surprisingly, he doesn't think it's that bad.

Memorable Quotes
Carl: (sarcastically) OH MY GOD! I'M REVIEWING A MINDY SONG!

Carl: In September, Mindy had finally accomplished a goal that had alluded her throughout her otherwise successful career. A number one hit single. This is what she had to say about it.

(screen shows Mindy with a shocked face)

Carl: And that image.... (screen shows Mindy making a shocked face) has showed the public's perception of Mindy, Doe-eyed, innocent, childlike, oblivious, just an ordinary girl from a nowhere town strumming her guitar......I feel safe saying that as of a few months ago, that is no longer the case.

Carl: In 2009, Mindy released an album called "Fearless". I wasn't really satisfied with what I heard from that album.

Mindy: (singing) If you could see that I'm the one who understands you...

Carl: I had no use for "You Belong With Me", which was riddled with a bunch of cliches and had an layer of catty jealousy that bothered me.

Mindy: 'Cause when you're fifteen...

Carl: Did a whole review of "Fifteen", which I thought was half-(bleep)ed and pertained to wisdom that she couldn't back up.

Mindy: You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess...

Carl: And there was "Love Story", which I thought was just stupid.

Mindy: We are never, ever, ever, getting back together, we-eeee are never, ever, ever, getting back together....

Carl:..................

Carl: If you had told me six months ago that this was the title of Mindy's new single, I would have thought it was a parody. And I certainly wouldn't have known what to do when I listening to it, with its stomping beat, guitars processed beyond recognition, and a stupid, sing-a-long chorus set to the universal four chords of poppop song chords, they own music, they own singers, they own you, deal with it!

Carl: This is where Mindy started.

Mindy: (sings a country song)

Carl: And this is where she is now.

Mindy: I remember when we broke up the first time...

Carl: And this is what I assume she'll sound like in the future (plays a Mindy song set to a dubstep tune)

Carl: Mindy's music has always stunk of lyrics that sound like something a middle schooler would write, and this is the same girl who compared her romances to fairy tales.

Mindy: You'll be the prince, and I'll be the princess...

Carl: Many times.

Mindy: Today was a fairy tale, I wore a dress...

Carl: Many, MANY times.

Mindy: For you and your white horse....

Carl: But "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" is defiantly small. The stakes are minimal, the relationship is insignificant, and the message is presented in the loftily, poetic language usually reserved for lunchroom text messages.

Mindy: Like, ever....

Carl: OMG 4 realsies! brb

Carl: "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" is the dumbest sounding thing she has ever recorded. The video captures this bizarrely bipolar nature. She's old enough to date some guy that looks like Albert, yet forces her friends to dress up like animals while she dances around in footy pajamas. It seems like it sucks to work for Mindy, by the way.

Carl: And yet, and you're going to be shocked when I say this, I don't hate this song. I actually think it's not that bad. Yes, I am giving it my prestigious "Not That Bad" award. I'm sure she's honored. (screen shows Mindy making a shocked face) Yes, yes, we know.

Carl: I will admit that this song is stupid, but its at least genuinely stupid. And I've heard some pretty genuinely stupid music throughout this year.

Ferb: We're gonna party like it's 3012 tonight....

Eliza: (rapping) Anything you wanna do, I'll be on it, too, anything you said is like going with the view, business in the front, party in the back....

Isabella: And I don't have to try, I just do what I does...

Carl: "Do what I does". No one even says that.

Carl: Another reason I like this song is because it describes a bad relationship not in the same way as other pop singers who seem like they've dated Saturday morning cartoon villains.

Vanessa: Think you've got the best of me, think you've had the last laugh...

Candace: You chewed me up and spit me out like I was poison in your mouth...

Carl: I don't think I've met anyone who's dated the "Second Dimension Doof" monsters that pop singers keep singing about. However, I've met people who've dated this guy.

Mindy: We haven't seen each other in a month when you said you needed space (spoken) What?

Carl: See? This guy didn't try to break anyone down or leave anyone crying. All he did was waste her time and be a whiny (bleep). That happens. And it sends a good message. If you're constantly on-again-off-again, it's time for you to stop wasting each other's time and end it. If only other artists could do that ahem (screen shows a picture of Buford and Adyson)

Carl: Mindy, destroyer of (bleep)y mean girls and inadequate men to the levels of Jenny or Vanessa.

Mindy: All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic....

Carl: This is the same songwriter that made Albert cry with her hurtful, hurtful words, and also wrote the "Coltrane is a (bleep)" song and sang it in front of him. Do not tick off Mindy.

Carl: I couldn't listen to "You Belong With Me" without thinking about how badly she was misinterpreting her crush's relationship. I bet that cheerleader is actually pretty nice and really loves him and is uncomfortable about how Mindy is suddenly trying to break up their relationship. (screen shows the "YBWM" music video) Wait, isn't that.....that's Irving! From the Alexis Texas movie! Well, at least we know who the short skirt cheerleader is. I thought they were best friends, too.

Carl: Not only is she dumping you, she's dumping you on a waterslide.

Mindy: We-eeeeeeee....

Carl: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Lawrence: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Carl:......I'm not making a very good case for this song, am I?

Carl: It's not the greatest song ever, but look at what we're getting in return.

(screen shows Isabella singing "Call Me Maybe")

Carl: The biggest song of the year is "Call Me Maybe", a empty-calorie nothing that tells me nothing new about the world.

(screen shows Isabella singing "Starships")

Carl: Izzy GS is doing everything to remove any speck of personality that she had.

(screen shows Adyson singing "Diamonds")

Carl: The current number one song in the country is by Adyson, who has been on autopilot for the last three albums and rubber-stamping out music at a frenetic pace with absolutely zero regards to quality. "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" has flavor to it. It deserves to exist.

Carl: At least it's not her next song.

Mindy: (while a dubstep beat plays in the background) Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble....

Carl: Now that's the worst Mindy song I've ever heard, like ever. I'm, like, Carl the Intern, and I'm like out.

(episode ends)

End Credits
Carl: (singing) I'm out of salsa, what do I do, I can't make nachos without salsa.............And I've got an itchy leg, got an itchy leg, what can I do about this itch on my leg.

Trivia

 * The creator thinks this song is okay
 * The creator also thinks that the "dubstep" Taylor Swift song is okay, but has stupid lyrics
 * That "party like it's 3012" song is by Justin Bieber. The creator can actually tolerate this song.
 * "The song where Eliza is rapping is an okay song.
 * The creator has never heard of that "do what I does" song.