Vanessa is an Eenie Meenie Miney Mo Lover/Cooler Than Albert

These are two episodes of Carl's Pop Song Reviews. Carl reviews "Eenie Meenie" by Buford and Ferb and "Cooler Than Me" by Albert. He thinks "Eenie Meenie" is a little kid song and he thinks he (and many other people and things) are cooler than Albert.

Memorable Quotes in "Vanessa is an Eenie Meenie Miney Mo Lover"
Carl: Hi, I'm Carl the Intern and I listen to it because you don't have to! So, what are we doing tonight? Something good?

(evil music plays as a picture of Ferb's face fills the screen)

Carl: (in an evil voice) Fletcccccccccccccccheeeeeeeer.

Buford and Ferb: Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a bad chick by the toe. If she hollers...

Carl: YOU IDIOTS! LISTEN TO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING! You're literally saying that you're restraining women by their feet for being bad and won't release them until they scream enough for your satisfaction! If I said things like that, I'd be arrested!

Carl: This girl has all the right to be indecisive. Her choices are the fat doofus and the toddler!

(shows music video where Vanessa is ditching Buford for Ferb)

Carl: (in a girly voice that's supposed to be Vanessa) Um, you smell like hamburgers, so I'm, like, going over here now.

(shows Vanessa ditching Ferb for Buford)

Carl: (in a girly voice) Oh my god, Spongebob sneakers? Ew. I'm going back to the fat guy.

Memorable Quotes in "Cooler Than Albert"
Carl: On to the important part, WHO THE (bleep) IS THIS GUY AND WHY DO I KNOW HE EXISTS!? Every time I hear this song, I think the same thing: This boy DOES NOT deserve to be famous. This song might as well be called "I Have No Star Qualities" by Boring McLoser. The name of the song is "Cooler Than Me". The name of the guy is Albert. ALBERT!

Carl: Ferb is the name of a popstar, Albert washes your car.

Albert: If I could write you a song to make you fall in love, I would already have you up under my arm, I pull up all of my tricks, I hope that you like this, but you probably won't, you think you're cooler than me...

Carl: Ah, well. The sad song about the guy who can't win the heart of the popular girl. I'm familiar with these types of songs, not that I have any personal experience with them. (shows a clip of Carl crying after getting rejected)

Carl: (in reference to Albert's singing voice) BREATH CONTROL, (bleep)! SING FROM THE DIAPHRAAAAAAAAAM! This guy's singing voice sounds like someone singing along to their headphones, not realizing that other people around them can hear them.

(shows Carl in front of a computer with headphones on)

Carl: Whatcha doin, whatcha doin? I really want to know? When I say-ay-ay-ay-ay, whatcha doin?

Carl: I keep waiting for him to insult this girl, but he never gets there! This song just comes off as, "You think you're cooler than me? You think you're so cooler than me? Well, let me tell you something, you're a (scene censored while orchestra music plays)...................WASHING MACHINE! Yeah! I said it!"

Albert: You got your high-brow shoes on your feet, and you wear them around like it ain't (bleep). But you don't know, the way that you look when your steps make that much noise.

Carl: ...That's it? Okay, one, where are you trying to pick this girl up where you can hear her shoes? A violin recital? Was she wearing tap shoes? Second, it's not that much of an insult. (pretends to be Stacy) Look, you are so out of my league and I am so not interested. (pretends to be Albert) Oh, yeah!? Well, you have loud shoes!

Albert: You got designer shades just to hide your face...

Carl: (sarcastically) Oooh! Burn! I bet you totally think you're so cool in your trendy, overpriced sunglasses. Well, you don't realize that that makes you sound like a total...wait... (shows images of Albert wearing trendy, overpriced sunglasses throughout the entire video) Oh, you're kidding me!

Albert: Cause we all see you've got your head in the clouds...

Carl: (sarcastically) We ALL see. Albert wrote this song, so he can say that the WHOLE CROWD can't stand her. Then they high five him for being so awesome, then he flirts with three hotter girls, then they fly to Nicaragua and save the president's daughter!

Albert: If I could write you a song to make you fall in love, I would already have you up under my arms...

Carl: Well you don't...cause you can't...cause you suck...You see how that works, right?

Carl: I label people EVERY time I see them. Let me do it right now. (picture of Jeremy pops up) This guy's a jerk. (picture of Coltrane pops up) This guy's a jerk. (picture of Irving pops up) This guy's a jerk. (picture of Gurgy pops up) Oh, yeah, that guy's definitely a jerk.

Carl: And in the end, you just gotta feel sorry for him. Cause after he doesn't have any more hits, this is going to be a pretty embarrassing song to sing at the state fair ten years from now.

(as the synth track of the song plays, Carl displays his lists of things cooler than Albert: the P&F fanon wiki, getting driven to work by your mom, TGWTG.com, Linda Flynn, constantly self-Googling, and cornbread)

Carl: Just watch. I'm going to be wrong, and he'll have millions of hits. That's how it always works.

(episode ends)

Trivia

 * Buford and Ferb try to win Vanessa's heart, but fail.
 * Albert tries to win Stacy's heart, but ultimately fails.
 * Albert DID end up getting more hit songs.
 * In the creator's opinion, Jeremy, Coltrane, Irving, and Gurgy are not jerks.
 * The things that are cooler than Albert ARE cooler than Albert.