Call Isabella Maybe

Carl reviews the song "Call Me Maybe". He doesn't understand why people like it, and he thinks it is lame.

Memorable Quotes
Carl:...Well, you wanted it, you got it.

Isabella: (singing) I threw a wish in a well, don't ask me, I'll never tell...

Carl: Wow, did I get a lot of requests for this one. You wanted me to review "Call Me Maybe" by Isabella Garcia-Shapiro. Major Monogram even wanted me to review this. Gosh, even the people who give me my paycheck asked me to review this. Well, I better start.

Carl: I seriously got these requests saying "I love "Call Me Maybe", but I really want you to review it"....Okay. I guess this is because of this song's mass appeal. Isabella's rise has been nothing short of astounding. Here's Phineas and the Ferb-tones performing it on their late night show (screen shows PFT and Isabella singing "Call Me Maybe"), and here's Roger Doofenshmirtz performing it, too.

Roger: But here's my number, so call me maybe...

(screen shows various videos of the P&F cast singing "Call Me Maybe")

Carl: Everyone loves this song. It's even a popular internet meme. Before I blinked, this song turned into everyone's guilty pleasure. But not your cool uncle Carl, right? Surely, Mr. Grumpy-Pants-Pop-Hater over here can't be counted on to give this song a good thrashing. I mean, why would he be doing an episode on it if he hated it, right? Right?

Carl: I wouldn't be making episodes if I disliked everything. So, what about "Call Me Maybe"? Do I like that? Well.....no....no, I don't. I think it sucks a little. Watching the whole world get excited about this piece of stale cheese is (bleep)ing me off. I have no idea why the internet is geeking over this coo-cooing, tee-hee oversugared sweetness. This song is not good. And I hate to tell you this, but that meme, (a picture of a "Call Me Maybe" meme pops up) is not funny. Not even remotely funny. (a picture of Candace and Linda with a caption that says "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm your daughter, so bust your sons maybe" pops up) Not even the Candace and Linda one.

Carl: Now, "TiK ToK", that's a meme-worthy song. Stacy brushed her teeth with a bottle of Jack, remember? That's something you build jokes off of, not some stupid love song with synth-strings. It was memorable, (bleep)! "Call Me Maybe" just ISN'T. Why is EVERYONE, including serious music critics, going crazy over some tweed little tune that rhymes "maybe" with "baby"? I expect much better from you, internet!

Carl: Isabella first rose to fame after being featured on star-making show "Danville Idol".........Sorry, "Mexican Idol". You know, funny thing about "Danville Idol". Even though it's successful, it doesn't have a really good track of turning its winners into pop stars (a picture of Doof pops up). But it's a lot better than it's Mexican counterpart. They had six seasons with theme-filled episodes such as, no joke, "Jeremy and the Incidentials Night" and "Heinz Doofenshmirtz Night", which is as funny to you as it is to me. "Mexican Idol" was a bad idea to begin with. "Danville Idol" has ten times more of a population, and even they can't find a decent singer. So it was no surprise that "Mexican Idol" never made anyone famous, except for this guy?

(screen shows Rodrigo from "Minor Monogram" singing a lame breakup song)

Carl: (shudders) Hope he stays in his home country.

Carl: Isabella entered the show in season five, which, thankfully, had no themes such as "Django Brown Night" or anything. Let's see how she did.

Isabella: (singing badly and off-key) B-U-S-T-E-D, You are busted, I don't wanna put the hurt on you, so you better believe it when I tell you that I finally got the dirt on you...

Baljeet: You had a couple pitchy spots here and there, you know what I mean?

Isabella: (singing badly and off-key) Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game, ooh, baby, baby...

Baljeet: Yeah, it's a bit on the pitchy side.

Carl: Yeah, I looked through all of her performances, and based on those, I don't think she has potential to be the next big thing. She came in third place, and released an album that didn't go anywhere, so it seemed like her career had ended. But instead of being just another reality show wash-out, her career got a big boost when her close friend Ferb Fletcher declared "Call Me Maybe" his new song on Twitter. And, of course, it spread until everyone was a fan, except for me, in a corner all by myself, because I'll be (bleep) until I let Ferb Fletcher dictate my taste in music.

Carl: Well, she's not exactly the best singer, but this is pop music, it's more about personality. Well, she's cute, the video is cute, the song is cute, IT'S ALL SO ANNOYINGLY CUTE! Even her name is cute. Isabella Garcia-Shapiro. That can't possibly be her real name! She's even wearing a bow on her head. Holy (bleep), who does that? (a picture of Stacy pops up) Who?

Carl: I'm not trying to be harsh here, and a wise man once said that people are always trying to fill the world with silly love songs, but this comes off as silly. She meets this guy, and she's not doing anything with him or dating him, or holding hands with him, or even having a conversation with him. She's just giving him her number, so that he can call her "maybe".

Isabella: Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe...

Carl: (sarcastically) Wow, that /is/ crazy. (mocks Isabella) Omigod, you guys will never believe this, I gave him my phone number! Omigod, this is so crazy, right? Omigod! Squee! (in his regular voice) I'm going to (bleep)...

Carl: This song is not for me. I can access my girly side, I can access my feminine side, but I can't do both. I can't relate to a teenage girl. Call me unsympathetic maybe?

Isabella: Your stare was holding, ripped jeans, skin was showing...

Carl: (mocks Isabella) Omigod, his jeans were ripped, and I saw his knee! (screams like Candace)

Carl: I know many good crush songs, especially from the "waiting in anticipation" perspective, the only romance perspective that this song's target audience knows anything about (a picture of the Fireside Girls pops up). But "Call Me Maybe" puts it so coy and tiptoes around everything.

Isabella: I threw a wish in a well, don't ask me, I'll never tell...

Carl: (sarcastically) I'll never tell...teeheehee....so, let me tell you all about it.

Isabella: I'd trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss, I wasn't looking for this...

Carl: ...You weren't looking for this? But you wished for it.

Isabella: Hot night, wind was blowing...

Carl: "Hot night, wind was blowing"? "Before you came into my life"? "I wasn't looking for this"? These are words to describe a passionate whirlwind romance, not about something that hasn't happened. The video, which has Isabella reading a romance novel and failing to attract the attention of the guy criticizes this song more harshly than I ever could.

Isabella: It's hard to look right at you, baby...

Carl: He's so radiantly gorgeous that you can't even look directly at him, like the sun. I think Vanessa described Ferb in the exact same terms.

Vanessa: (to Ferb) You're beautiful....

Isabella: And all the other boys try to chase me...

Carl: And not only this is a fantasy about how this one guy attracts your attention, it's about the many guys who want you. (screen shows Isabella being hit on by Ferb, Baljeet, and Buford)

Carl: I don't like this song, and I don't like what it represents. (screen shows the Baljeatles singing "We Are Young") When I reviewed Albert and the Baljeatles, I optimistically stated that they were the beginning of a new trend of pop music, but I was completely wrong. Maybe it wasn't the beginning of a new trend, maybe it was the end of it. Maybe there was a brief time where club music began to fade away at the end of 2010 and interesting, non-stupid music could seep through, and now that trend is dying to make room for the next new trend. And that trend is: teeny-boppery (bleep).

(screen shows Vanessa singing "Rolling in the Deep")

Carl: I hope that we see more of Vanessa and Albert in the top 10, but I have a feeling that the pop charts will look like the cover of Quazmo Magazine for the next few years. You know, I haven't realized how adult pop music was in the years I've been reviewing. (screen shows Phineas singing "Buy U a Drank") At least club music acknowledges the age you have to be to get into a club. But now, look where we are. (screen shows Jeremy and the Incidentials singing "What Makes You Beautiful") Boys bands are back, (screen shows Ferb singing "Boyfriend") Ferb finally has a real hit song, (screen shows Isabella singing "Call Me Maybe") And now our new pop princess is here.

Carl: "Call Me Maybe" is the most screamingly innocent love song I've ever heard. But what can you expect from a naive bow-wearing-pink-loving ten year old like Isabella?

Annotation: Isabella Garcia-Shapiro. Age: 26.

Carl: (sighs angrily) I should have known. If she was really 10, she would have named this song "Text Me Maybe". Twenty-six. You're kidding. I guess it's an accomplishment for a 26 year old to sound like a 10 year old to sound like an adult. Gosh, if this is what she sounds like now, what did the music from her first album sound like?

Isabella and the Fireside Girls: We're Fireside Girls, one and all, and together, we belong....

Carl:...................................................

Carl: Maybe I'm being too harsh. "Call Me Maybe" the song isn't so bad. "Call Me Maybe" the phenomenon definitely is. (screen shows Perry in pet form growling while "Call Me Maybe" plays in the background) Here's a platypus singing "Call Me Maybe". (screen shows Buford beating up Baljeet while "Call Me Maybe" plays in the background) Here's a bully beating up a nerd while they listen to "Call Me Maybe". Why is this so popular? Why has it spread so quickly? When did people on the internet start embracing such girly things as this!?

Fluttershy: (gasps) Yaaaaaay.

Rainbow Dash: Ugh. (sighs and faints)

Carl: .....It all makes sense now.

(episode ends)

Trivia

 * The creator has a love/hate relationship with this song