Love, Danvillan Style/Script)



The Adventures of Irving and Friends

Episode 10: Love, Danvillan Style

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We open up, as usual, in Irving’s House as Albert is in his room, writing in his journal,.

Albert: And…there. My journal entry for today is now complete…even though I only woke up 2 hours ago, and therefore only wrote about what I ate for breakfast. Mmmm…bacon. Well, I guess it can’t hurt to go nostalgic, and look at some older entries. Let’s see, I can’t read the date here, but I can tell it’s from the day the tried to impress Stacy. *Sigh* Stacy…I remember her. Oh, here’s the one from the day I met Coltrane, and made that bet and kissed that Jenny girl. *Sigh* Jenny…quite the woman, I must say. Though perhaps I was a little hard on Coltrane, though that speech I gave was pretty awesome. Oh, and here’s from the day I meet that creepy Irwin kid, and his jerk friend’s, sister Mandy. *Sigh* Mandy…Wow, I do sigh and then say the name of a girl I’m attracted to a lot, don’t I? Maybe there’s some other past love interests in here, besides Candace, since She has that Jeremy guy.

Albert quickly flipped through his journal, to find any other love interests he’s possibly had.

Albert: Nope, Nothing. Wait, I won’t be young and still have options forever, I have to choose a mate, much like a common animal. And it looks like my three choices are, Jenny, Mandy, or Stacy. Man, that’s a hard one. They’re all so great! How am I supposed to choose? Ugh, this is too hard.

Slightly depressed. Albert walked over to the window, and sighed,.

Albert: I mean, it’s not like the answer to my problem will hit me in the fa-something’s about to hit me in the face, isn’t it?

Sure Enough, a piece paper flew in and hit him in the face,

Albert: That certainly was convenient.

Just then, Irving’s Mom walked in.

Irving’s Mom: Hi Albert. Whatcha doing? Albert: Eh, not much. I was about to look at this paper that hit me in the face. *Reads paper* Gasp, that’s it! Mom, I know what I’m gonna do today! Irving’s Mom: …Hey, Where’s Larry?

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Wanda: Ah, good morning Agent L. As you know, all the agents in Monogram’s Division has been given the day off. But, I believe in hard work, and only 4 days off a year, not counting holidays. Thankfully, most of the evil scientist in town have taken the day off too…expect for Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and Monogram doesn’t wanna bother agent p, so we’re sending you after him. Now on to your mission, Doofenshmirtz has bought up the tri state areas supply of Calculators. It’s all very suspicious, so get out there and find out what he’s up.

Larry salted his boss and went off to fight Doof.

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Meanwhile, Irving was walking down the street, kinda bored and not knowing what to do that day,.

Irving: *Sigh* I can’t believe it, but I’m bored on a summer day. Ever since I’ve discovered Phineas and Ferb, I haven’t felt the feeling of boredom. …I hate it! Maybe if I look in this direction, I’ll see someone I can talk to.

Sure enough, Irving spotted Coltrane walking down the street.

Irving: Hey, that looks like the Coltrane guy that Albert told me about. I’ll go talk to him, I’ve got nothing else to do.

Irving walked over to where Coltrane was.

Irving: Hey dude

Coltrane: …Do I know you?

Irving: No. but you do know my brother, Albert.

Coltrane: Ugh, don’t talk to me about him.

Irving: I guess you weren’t very happy about what happened. ….What happened again?

Coltrane: Didn’t Albert tell you about how he called my interesting, How he made that bet with me to see who could get a girl first, how I was only trying to impress Stacy to win the bet, how he ended up liking Jenny for real, and How Stacy found out and sort of dumped me?

Irving: …Actually yes. I just really like hearing that story. The idea of girl, much less Jenny, liking Albert makes both laugh and puke at the same time.

Coltrane: ….Okay. Well, I haven’t been feeling the same since then..

Irving: Let me guess, you feel bad for being such a jerk and you want Stacy back.

Coltrane: Actually, No. Well I do feel bad for it, but I don’t really want her back. I always liked her better, with someone else. Like...I can’t think of anyone other then Albert.

Irving: The idea of Stacy liking Albert just made me throw up a little.

Coltrane: …Ew. Well, I just think that I’ll never really find love or anything. I’m gonna die alone..

Irving: Come on Coltrane, don‘t think like that.

Coltrane: I know I shouldn’t be like this, but it’s not like you can help my find a girl or something,…

Irving: …Or can I? Coltrane, I know what we’re gonna do today!

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Jingle Singers: Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

For the first time ever, Larry burst into DEI.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the-wait your not Perry the platypus. Oh not again! This is the third time this month! Wait, aren’t you Rodney’s nemesis?

Larry nodded his head.

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, his mediocrity must have been too much for you, and you jumped at the chance to fight a GOOD evil scientist, correct?

Larry just rolled his eyes.

Doofenshmirtz: …Well! I’m not even gonna waste a trap on! ...Mainly because I’ve run out of trap ideas, and didn’t make one. Well anyway, as I’ve told Perry, my love life has been full of man disappointments. And I’ve decided that if my love life has suffered, then so must everyone else’s! You see, in recent years, what with the invention of the internet and all, people have been desperate enough to used dating sites to find their one true love. I had used these sites in the past, and they’ve brought be nothing but pain, and a lady who liked Perry more then me! I like to think that the people running these sites make you find the one women you won’t get along with. Of course, that’s probably not true. So, I’ve decided to create…The Doofenshmirtz Evil Dating Service!

Jingle Singers: Doofenshmirtz Evil Dating Service!

Doofenshmirtz: You see, I’ve created…this!

Doofenshmirtz then produced a calculator, out of nowhere.

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the Love-Calculator…Inator! With this, you can see the exact the percent chance, you have with anyone! Just punch in two names, and there you go! With every costumer I get, I’ll hook them up with the person they have the lowest chance with! And they’ll suffer like I did! Though in retrospect, I don’t think I’ll get many costumes. What kind of lose would actually try a dative serv-

Then. the doorbell rang.

Doofenshmirtz: Now who could that be?

Doof walked up to the door, and opened it to reveal…

Albert: Yes, I’m here for the dating service?

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Meanwhile, Irving and Coltrane were now at the Googleplex Mall.

Irving: Ok Coltrane, the mall is the perfect place to find a girl!

Coltrane: I don’t know about this Irving.

Irving: Oh just give it a try. I’ll called up some of my friends to help you out. Oh, here they come now!

Just then, Candace, Stacy, and Jeremy walked up them.

Coltrane: I really doubt these are your friends, Irving.

Candace: I would never be this geek’s friend. Ever Coltrane: Wait, a sec Irving, why did you bring the girl who dislikes me now, here to help me?

Irving: I talked to Stacy, and she doesn’t dislike you. She’s over that, and she wants to help you find a girl.

Stacy: Yes. Yes I do.

Irving: Okay, I’m gonna close my eyes and point to a random girl over there, and you’ll go over there and talk to her, alright?

Coltrane: Well…ok.

Irving then did so, and his finger landed a random girl.

Irving: Okay, there’s your girl.

Coltrane: She seems ok, guess I’ll head over there then.

Irving: Good luck!

Candace: How long do you think it will take for him to strike out?

Irving: Sometime during the next scene.

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Back at DEI, Albert was meeting Doofenshmirtz for this time, though he had no idea this was this was the man his little brother often talked about.

Doofenshmirtz: Well that answers my question. Well, welcome, young nerd!

Albert: We prefer to be called…actually, we like to called Nerds just fine. Nevermind. So, how does this work?

Doofenshmirtz: Well, With this!

Doof then showed Albert the Love Calculator…inator.

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the Love Calculator…inator!

Albert: Inator? Really?

Doofenshmirtz: What? What’s wrong with inator?

Albert: Nothing. It’s just…overused, that’s all. I prefer “a trons” myself.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh really? Then I guess I won’t help you then.

Albert: No, I was just kidding! But, from my research only evil people built inators. …Are you evil?

Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Yes I am.

Albert: …Cool. So what other evil inventions have you made?

Doofenshmirtz: I am very glad you asked. Allow me to show you to the other room, where I keep my inventions.

Albert: Eh, I have time to spare

Albert followed Doof to the other room, where the inventions were. Larry was hiding in a corner, making sure Albert didn’t see him.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I have rebuilt almost every invention of mine that didn’t quite…work right. Like for example, take a look my first invention this summer…the Magnetism magnifier!

Albert: Very interesting. What did you use it for?

Doofenshmirtz: It’s a long story, I tried to use tinfoil to reverse the rotation of the earth.

Albert: …What.

Doofenshmirtz: And this is my bread-inator! I used to turn the statue of this president with a great beard, that made me jealous, into bread!

Albert: …What?!

Doofenshmirtz: And this…is my whale translateinator! I used to insult some whales.

Albert: So let me get this straight. You are a genius, evil scientist, who uses his resources…for petty revenge schemes?

Doofenshmirtz: …Yep!

Albert: That has to be…the most idiotic thing I’ve ever seen in my life!

Doofenshmirtz: WHAT?!

Albert: Sorry sir, I’ll try to be more…helpful. It seems to that your inventions are very well done, and it seems you have amazing potential. But, you have poor planning skills.

Doofenshmirtz: Ok, Maybe my planning isn’t ideal, but I assure, I am the best at what I do.

Albert: No. No your not. I’ll keep this plain and simple: Your plans stink, and your not good at evil.

Doofenshmirtz: Ok maybe I’m a little…rusty. But what are you gonna do? Help me?

Albert: Well I don’t know If I-

Doofenshmirtz: PLEASE HELP ME!

Albert: Whoa dude I don’t know If I should…

Doofenshmirtz: …Please?

Albert: …Ok.

Doofenshmirtz: Really? You’ll help me?

Albert: You have my word. My…nerd word.

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Back at the mall…Coltrane had struck out.

Irving: Told ya it would happen during that scene.

Candace: Whatever, don’t rub it in.

Coltrane: What just happened was so crazy I’m not even gonna bring it up ever again.

Irving: Thank goodness.

Coltrane: Maybe I should just give up.

Irving: No! We’ll help you get a girl, I promise!

Coltrane: I don’t know Irving, what kind of girl would want me?

Then, Jenny walked by.

Jenny: Hey guys.

Coltrane: Yeah hi Jen-

Coltrane caught sight of Jenny, and really saw her for the first time. Needless to say, he liked what he saw.

Coltrane: .H-Hi.

Jenny: Umn…Hello.

Candace: Oh hi Jenny, what’s up?

Jenny: Not much. Just came over to say hi real quick But Now I gotta go do my hippie stuff

Irving: Bye!

Jenny: See ya. *Leaves*

Irving: So, now that THAT pointless-ness is over, back to Coltrane problem.

Coltrane: I think I may have fixed it..

Irving: What do you mean?

Candace: Don’t you get? (Mocking tone) Coltrane likes Jenny!

Coltrane: I….do. Ok?

Irving: Jenny? Well, not what I expected, but better for it to be someone I know, then some stranger I guess. Let’s get cracking!

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Back at DEI, Albert and Doof had started on a machine.

Doofenshmirtz: Thanks for helping me young man, with this I’ll take over the Tri state area! Uh…what does this do again?

Albert: Well, I needed a way for you to take over, without anyone opposing you once you have done so. So, I have made…The Epiphany-inator!

Doofenshmirtz: The What?

Albert: The epiphany-inator! It causes whoever it hits to have an epiphany, or come to a great realization. And with my tweaks, that will be that they must serve you!

Doofenshmirtz: Perfect! This should be great! But, I supposes you’ll be still wanting love help..

Albert: Well, can I really trust you? For all I know, you might hook me up with someone really ugly just to trick me.

Doofenshmirtz: That’s what I was gonna do, but since you’ve been helping me I changed my mind.

Albert: …Ok!

Doofenshmirtz: Ok, just tell me the name of 3 girls you are interested and, the one you have the best chance with I’ll see if I hook you up with her.

Albert: Let’s see, there’s Mandy Weaver, Stacy Hirano, and …I forget Jenny’s last name.

Doofenshmirtz: It’s ok, because I know the name of everyone in the tri state area, and there’s only one girl named Jenny!

Albert: …You know the name of every person in the tri state area? Are you a stalker or something?

Doofenshmirtz: No, No I’m not! Not like that stupid kid who was here a few weeks ago. I forget his name, but I think it started with a “I”. I just call him SOCSN.

Albert: SOCSN?

Doofenshmirtz: Yes, it stands for Super Obsessive Compulsive Stalker Nerd. I nickname everyone. Heh, Dr Coconut, I crack myself up. Anyway, I won’t tell you the results of my calculations until we’re done.

Albert: *Sigh* I wonder how Irving is doing

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Back at the mall, Coltrane was figuring out how to get jenny.

Irving: Ok, so we need a way for you to get jenny to like you. Let’s see what I have in my Wacky Hijacks file…

Stacy: Or he could just talk to here, avoiding any complications.

Irving: …You know what, I actually agree with you.

Coltrane: But after what I did that day, she might not be so crazy about me.

Stacy: Oh don’t be like that. Just try to appeal to her good side.

Irving: Even if it means doing really nasty things.

Albert: Ok, so where’s this hippie thing she’s doing?

Candace: I think right outside,.

Coltrane: That’s convenient.

Irving: Well what are you waiting for? Go get her!

Coltrane: Ok. Let’s do this!

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Back at DEI, Albert had finished the Epiphany-Inator.

Albert: Ok, I’m done. Now can you help me?

Doofenshmirtz: …Help you?

Albert: You said you’d help me when I am done. So, will you help me?

Doofenshmirtz: Kid, I’m EVIL. I only help those who are Evil. I never cared about your love life at all. I will use this inator to make every realize they’re true purpose in life: Obeying me!

Albert: Hey, you can’t do this!

Doofenshmirtz: I can do whatever I want! You can’t do anything about it!

Albert: Your not doing anything on my watch!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh really? In less then a minute, I’ll be on my way to becoming Dr Doofenshmirtz: Ruler of the tri state area!

Albert: …Doofenshmirtz?! YOU’RE the guy my little brother keeps talking about? I’ve been helping the man I would say bad words about under my breath?

Doofenshmirtz: You’re the brother of Irving the human boy?

Albert: Yes! And I’m gonna turn this machine off!

Albert walked over the machine, but Doof tripped him up and Albert bonked his head on something, knocking him out.

Doofenshmirtz: Now that he’s knocked out, I can make him realize that he should obey me!

Doof then fired the epiphany nator at Albert, just as Al was drifting off into a dream. But little did Doof know, Al had bumped into another one Doof’s inators, causing it to fire…

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In the parking lot at the mall, Coltrane had discovered what this hippie thing is…

Coltrane: …A Save the pygmy marmoset’s rally? Guess they ran out of animals to save.

He spotted Jenny walking over yonder, and went over to talk to her.

Coltrane: Hi Jenny.

Jenny: Oh, hey Coltrane.

Just then, the inator Albert had bumped into, Fired at Coltrane turning him into…a hippie.

Jenny: Whoa, what happened, Coltrane?

Coltrane: Huh? I look like a..

Jenny: Hippie! Coltrane, you’ve finally discovered the true path In life!

Coltrane: You like it?

Jenny: Of course I do! My respect for you had gone way up! …What little I had, after what happened with you and Stacy.

Coltrane: Jenny, I can explain that. You see, it is true I wanted to win that bet. But I did that, not just to win the bet, but so I wouldn’t be embarrassed that a Nerd had a girlfriend and I didn’t. I did like Stacy a little, but I didn’t think we had enough chemistry. I should of gone after someone else instead, and I was acting a little jerkish. I shouldn’t have even made that bet in the first place. I’m sorry if I lost any of your respect.

Jenny: Oh, it’s ok Coltrane. To be honest, even after that I still kinda liked you

Coltrane: Wait, do you mean like or…Like like?

Jenny: Well…maybe it’s like like.

Coltrane: You really mean it?

Jenny: I do.

Then…they kissed.

Coltrane: …That was great.

Jenny: Indeed it was.

Coltrane: Maybe I should tell Albert what I just told you, about the bet and all. I wonder how he’s doing…

///

Back at DEI, Albert was still knocked out, and Doof was all ready to start his evil plan

Doofenshmirtz: With that nerd knocked out I can finally start my evil plan!

Larry, who had been watching all this time, saw that this was the perfect time to stop doof, now that Al was knocked out. Larry sprang into action and sprang at the machine.

Doofenshmirtz: Larry the lemur, what are you doing?! Get away from there!

Larry somehow picked up the machine and threw it out the window, and when it landed on the ground, it fired.

Doofenshmirtz: Well that was quick.

Larry then quickly jumped out the window, and headed home.

Doofenshmirtz: ….CURSE YOU LARRY THE LEMUR!

Albert was still knocked out, and he started to drift of into a dream/epiphany …

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Albert was standing in a blank void, all by himself.

Albert: Ugh, where am I? I think I was hit by that inator. Is this my epiphany?

Voice: Yes. Yes it is.

Albert: Huh?

Albert turned around to see that this person was….

Albert: …Mandy?

Mandy: No, I am a spirit. I have chosen the form that would make your more comfortable.

Albert: Kinda like that stupid movie I watched once.

Mandy: Anyway, you shall be visited by 3 ghost, counting me.

Albert: And they will she me my past, present and future, to teach me a lesson, right?

Mandy: Uh, Ya. How did you-

Albert: I’ve seen this plot before. Way too many times infact. Can’t people come up with original ideas instead of re –using someone else’s?

Mandy: Anyway, take a look inside the portal that just appeared, and you will see your past.

Albert: Ok…

Albert looked in said portal, and saw himself, way back when he was in 3rd grade.

Albert: Hey, there’s 3rd grade me! I looked so cute.

Mandy: Indeed. And do you remember that girl you had attraction to?

Albert: Yea. There’s little me talk to her right now!

Little Albert: H.

Girl: I don’t like you.

Albert: I never said I was a Casanova.

Mandy: But did you know that she actually secretly liked you back, but never realized it?

Albert: Really? Wait; is this fake and part of the dream, or real and part of the epiphany?

Mandy: You make the call. Also, did you know that girl grew up to be a certain fashion obsessed bow wearing girl?

Albert: Wait, the girl I liked when I was little was really…Stacy?

Mandy: Yes. But that doesn’t mean she’s still not an option. So you still have 3 girls to choose from. Well, I’ll be going now,.

Mandy: By the way the ghost is right behind you.

Albert turned around to see…

Albert: Stacy? So you choose the form of the girl I’m still considering?

Stacy: Yep!

Albert: …Fair Enough.,

Stacy: I’m here to show you your future, and ultimately show you who you belong with.

Albert: Whoa, aren’t you gonna show me the present first?

Stacy: Nah. We figured that we’d spare you the boring-ness of your current life, and show you what will happen if you choose the wrong girl.

Albert: Ok, that’s fine.

Stacy: Ok, let’s go to about 20 years later.

The next thing Albert knew, they were standing in front of house. Only things looked a little different. Everything was bleak, gray and boring.

Stacy: Here we are.

Albert: Whoa, what happened?

Stacy: Well in this timeline, you choose to get with Mandy. At first, you two went along ok. But soon she realized how successful you are compared to her. She started to leech off you. Years later, she wanted marriage. But you rejected, and instead decided to after Jenny, who now…less fortunate, if you catch my meaning. Mandy didn’t take it too well, and she not only forced you marry, but she also was now the mayor because of a long series of events I don’t want to explain. So un-fairly banned Jenny, and made the city a terrible place. Now your miserable, just like everyone else in town.

Albert: Have you considered changing your name to Mrs. Exposition?

Stacy: Have you considered shutting your trap?

Albert: Sorry. But you gotta be kidding.

Stacy: It’s true. Choose Mandy, and your life is over.

Albert: What if I choose Jenny?

Stacy: Eh, pretty much the same thing. Only you choose jenny first, then you lose interest and go after Mandy, then she does the mayor thing and takes over.

Albert: So choosing Jenny leads to Mandy getting jealous, and choosing Mandy leads to pain?

Stacy: Yep. So, now you realize what your choice should be.

Albert: Of course! Jenny and Mandy are out so the only option left is-

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Then, Albert was waken out of his Dream by Doof yelling at him.

Doofenshmirtz: WAKE UP!

Albert: Huh?

Doofenshmirtz: You’ve been knocked out on my floor for like 5 minutes! My temp nemesis has already destroyed my inator!

Albert: Your epiphany inator…it made me finally realize who to date! Thank you Doofenshmirtz, you’ve actually helped me! Bye!

Albert then ran out, leaving Doof alone.

Doofenshmirtz: I don’t work for free you know! And he’s gone.

////

Back at the mall parking lot, Stacy, Candace, and Irving had watched the Coltrane/Jenny hook up happen.

Irving: Well that didn’t take very long.

Stacy: I’m glad Coltrane found someone. Now if only the same thing could happen to me….

Just then, the final short from the epiphany inator had finally fired, and hit Stacy.

Stacy: …I just realized something!

Candace: What is it?

Stacy: Well…

Just then, Albert ran in, and Larry was beside him Irving: Oh, there you are Larry. And Albert.

Albert: After much thinking, and a long story I will never tell, I finally realized who I want!

Candace: This should be good.

Albert: I have made my choice! Stacy, I have known you for quite sometime. I remember when I first saw you, I liked you from the start. I know we don’t exactly have the most in common, but it’s better to be with someone who’s different then you with one thing you really agree with, then with someone who’s a lot like you, with something you disagree with. If that makes sense. I’ve fallen for other girls before, like jenny and mandy, even though I liked them I never felt the sort of…connection I left with you. I know that I’m a nerd, and your far from nerdy, but I still feel like we have a chance. I would understand if you weren’t interested in me. But…I like you. The only question is…Do you like me back?

There was a long, awkward pause. And finally stacy spoke.

Stacy: Well…Yes. Yes I do.

Everyone: Really?!

Stacy: Yes. Really.

Then…Stacy and Albert kissed.

Albert: Wow. I never knew you felt that way.

Stacy: Neither did I, until I had this great realization a few minutes ago.

Albert: Great realization…where have I heard that before?

Irving: Wow. I never thought that would ever happen. But…I’m not disgusted. This is…kinda cute.

Candace: I never thought that Stacy would end up with a nerd. I should be enraged but…I’m ok with it. I’m actually happy for her.

Irving: And I’m happy for him. At least this will distract him from beating me up.

Albert: Come on guys, let’s go home. It’s been quite a day.

Irving: Indeed it has. But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something I forgot to do….

Cut to Phineas and Ferb’s backyard as the boys project for the day had just disappeared, as per usual.

Phineas: Ferb, Why do I feel like someone should be here right now?

Ferb: *Shrugs*

END