Carl's Failed Dating Life

This is an episode of Carl's Pop Song Reviews. Carl reviews the song "OMG" by Coltrane. Due to Coltrane's corny pick up lines in the song, Carl thinks this is why Stacy broke up with him. Carl also uses these pick up lines to hit on Vanessa, but he ultimately fails.

Memorable Quotes
Carl: Coltrane's new break-up album will go down in history as one of the greatest break-up albums ever, with his new single, "Daddy's Home"

Coltrane: (the song turns out to be inappropriately sexual)

Carl:....Maybe not that single. I must have been talking about the SECOND single.

Coltrane ft Isabella: (sings another inappropriately sexual song)

Carl: (sigh) Maybe the third single, OMG, which I assume stands for "Overwhelming Marital Grief". No, it stands for exactly what it means, and not in the "OMG, my life is ruined because my girlfriend left me" way, more like "OMG, there's a hot girl over there that I'd like to touch with my (bleep)

Phineas: (using Autotune) Oh my gosh, I did it again so imma (in a deep voice) Let the beat rock...

Carl: Where do I know that from? Oh, from one of my least favorite songs ever.

Phineas: (in Boom Boom Pow) Let the beat rock.

Carl: This SOUNDS like a Coltrane song written by Phineas, as it has overused cliches married to annoying idiots without any coherence at all.

Phineas: A-G-L-E-T

Carl: And no, we do not need that point illustrated.

Coltrane: Baby let me love you down, there's so many ways to love you, baby I could break you down...

Carl: ...............

Coltrane: Baby I could break you down

Carl: Breaking you down? I hope that's not a threat. Apparently, there are "so many ways to love you", but Coltrane chooses "breaking you down". Unfortunately, I don't have a social life outside of top 40 pop hits...Maybe that's a reason why I don't have good luck picking up chicks off the internet.

(scene switches to Carl in front of a computer)

Carl: Baby let me love you down, yeah, there's so many ways to love you. Baby I could break you down, yeah. You know what I'm talking about.

Vanessa: (looks unimpressed) Carl, I'm serious. Stop calling me.

Coltrane: Honey got her booty like pow pow pow, honey get some boobies like wow oh wow

Carl: (laughs nervously) Oh, boy. Remember in those sitcoms where the room goes dead quiet after the main character says something really embarrassing?

Isabella: You had me at our grandchildren's house...

(record scratching noise)

Phineas: WHAT!? (a laugh track plays in the background)

Carl: Yeah, that's kind of like what happened here. The crowd goes dead quiet at some of the most embarrassing set of lyrics I've ever heard. First gosh, now boobies!? What are you, nine!? (thinks about those lines) Hmm...

(shows Carl in front of a computer)

Carl: Shawty, you got a booty like pow pow pow

Vanessa: Carl...

Carl: And you've got some boobies like wow oh wow!

Vanessa: Carl, oh my gosh, I'll file a restraining order if I have to.

Coltrane: Got me like oh my gosh, I'm so in love, I found you finally...

Carl: Wow. Does THAT line belong in a different song. (in a sarcastic romantic voice) At last, I've found you finally, nameless woman that I know nothing about. You have all the qualities I've ever looked for in a woman, pow pow pow, booty girl! I, Coltrane, have never met a girl with ANY of those qualities.

Carl: OMG, Coltrane, STFU.

Coltrane: Oh my...

Albert: (in a girlish tone) GOSH!

Carl: (in front of a computer) So, (laughs nervously) what are you wearing?

Vanessa: Carl, we're on a webcam! You can see what I'm....I'm hanging up now, Carl.

Carl: (bleep) yousa sexy (bleep)

Vanessa: Goodnight, Carl.

Trivia

 * In other episodes, Carl tries to pick up Vanessa. He ultimately fails.
 * The Albert saying "gosh" in a girlish tone is from "The Doof Side of the Moon".
 * The Isabella and Phineas stuff is from "Comet Kermillian".
 * None of the songs that Coltrane sings are about Stacy. They're about a nameless girl that he knows nothing about.