Crashed and Stranded: Invader Lyn's Tale

Lyn piloted her cruiser through the galaxy, heading toward the coordinates that were Hobo 13. Stupid Tallest, she thought, then immediately scolded herself for thinking that way of her superiors. Still, she wasn't thrilled about going to Hobo 13. She had heard it was a nasty place to be. "Warning: fuel low," a robotic voice said, making Lyn jump and RiRi, her malfunctioning SIR, sit up, confused. The ship lost altitude and Lyn gripped the controls, frantically trying to find an alternate fuel source. The outside of her cruiser burst into flames as she entered an unfamiliar planet's atmosphere. "We're going to crash! YAAY!" cried RiRi as Lyn screamed and pulled on the controls with all her might. The ship fell and slid across an empty field, leaving a long dark skid mark. As Lyn pushed open the crumpled door of her cruiser, she saw a thin silver wire poking out of her fuel tank. It looked awfully like a guitar string. "RiRi!" she cried, opening the fuel tank and finding a mass of wooden chips. "What is this?" "My collection of smashed guitars!" sang RiRi, dancing around and eating the tall grass. Lyn looked up, her blue eyes reflecting the sole moon that this planet had. After a moment, she crawled back inside her ship and tried to get it to respond. "Computer!" she cried. "Where are we?" A faint metallic noise sounded from the machine and Lyn's heart sank. She was glad that she hadn't made it to Hobo 13, but where was she? The ship gave one last puff of despair and moved no more. Lyn looked down at her wrist, at the watch that was there, and hit her forehead. Of course! "Where am I?" she said to her wrist, as RiRi continued to do flips. "Planet Earth, home of the humans," the same robotic voice said, showing her a map. Wherever she was, she was in a place called Danville. "What kind of name is Danville?" she snapped at her watch. The computer ignored this and shut down. Lyn sighed and sank to her knees, trying to think of a disguise... she had never heard of Earth... wait... yes, she had. Only in passing, when the Tallest mentioned Zim. Lyn had always thought that Zim was a failure as an invader. However, she was so desperate to blend in that she would have even talked to him to get tips on how to disguise herself. She stood up, snapped her fingers, and said, "RiRi. Invisibility shield. Now." RiRi blinked at her, then said, "Parrots!" and started eating the grass again. Lyn sighed. "Seriously, RiRi!" RiRi's eyes glowed red. "Yes master!" she cried, saluting and waving a hand over herself and Lyn, making them invisible. Lyn took one last look at her destroyed ship and set off through the streets with RiRi by her side. The sun had begun to come up, and Lyn's eyes avoided it whenever possible. She didn't know why, but her gut told her it wouldn't be good to look at it. People began to wake up and start driving their cars around, heading to work, school, or errands. "Interesting," Lyn said to herself as she watched a triangle-headed boy with red hair walk to school. "Do they all look this way?" A quick look around her told her that no, they did not all have triangle-shaped heads. But she caught sight of some pretty weird people. One boy had round glasses, a big head, and spiky hair. When Lyn saw him, she didn't exactly know what hit her, but she decided inwardly that she would try with all her might to meet this boy. She also saw a boy with green hair, walking with the triangle-headed boy. Lyn had heard of green skin before, but never green hair! This Earth place was getting stranger and stranger, but something told Lyn she might like it. The people she had seen so far had all been pretty eccentric, but as the day went by, she deduced that all humans were almost the same. Once she figured out the details, she set back to where her ship had crashed and tried to make something of the spare parts. It took her a while, but she was finally able to produce a diguising mechanism. I may not be good at building robots, she thought, looking down at RiRi, but I can build machines. She rearranged her look as many times as it took her, trying to figure out the safest, thickest one. She found one that looked a little familiar for some reason, but she shook off this feeling and hit a button. A capsule came out and RiRi watched with big eyes as it opened again and Lyn came out. RiRi couldn't find her. Lyn sighed, ignored the incompetence of her SIR, and placed her in the capsule, trying to decide on a disguise for RiRi. She was browsing through the list of Earth animals when she found one called a rabbit. Lyn looked at the screen, decided that it was 'normal' enough, and hit the button, watching as the capsule opened again and RiRi flopped out in a deep blue bunny costume. "Ingenious!" cried Lyn. "Now that we are normal, RiRi, we have to find somewhere to set up base..." She looked out over the open field, where it would have been perfect to set up, if only she had something to set up with. "...never mind," said Lyn. She grabbed RiRi by the ear and dragged her across the ground. They ended up sleeping on the sidewalk. The sun was just coming up when Lyn heard a car stop. A door opened, and she looked up. "Well, hello," a woman said. She had messy brown hair pulled back in a bun that was falling out and was generally kind of frumpy-looking. "Hi," said Lyn shortly. "Do you have somewhere to go home to?" "No." "Get in." The woman motioned to the inside of her car. Lyn got in slowly, RiRi beside her. "Oh, what a cute widdle bunny!" the woman exclaimed. "What's its name?" "Huh?" Lyn was caught off guard; she was used to referring to RiRi as her SIR, not a bunny. She caught herself and said, "Oh, yes, her name's RiRi. Um, say hi, RiRi." "MEOW!" RiRi said, her ears waving. Lyn coughed. "Oh, that was just me... throwing my voice. Yeah." "Well, you certainly are very good at it!" the woman said. She began driving, and that's when Lyn noticed there was someone else in the backseat with her. She had short, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes that were magnified by big purple glasses. "This is my daughter, Claire," the woman said. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I never asked your name! What is it, dear?" "Lyn," Lyn said uneasily, wondering if Lyn was a common Earth name. If it wasn't... "That's such a pretty name," the woman said. "Is it short for anything?" "Oh, no, just Lyn," Lyn said, talking fast. She knew she was blabbing, but she didn't want to blow her cover. "Just Lyn, what could Lyn be short for anyway?" "Gwendolyn," suggested Claire quietly. "Or Carolyn." "Or Cairdwyn!" Claire's mother chirped. Lyn's eyes widened, and she rubbed them a little. The contacts she was wearing were making her eyes feel all scratchy. "That's a name?" "Why, certainly!" "I don't think that could work, Mom," said Claire. "It doesn't have 'lyn' in it." "It has 'dwyn', that's close." Claire didn't argue and they drove to Claire's house in silence. It was on a large hill. Black Brook Road, the street sign read as they pulled up to a small house (small being a relative term) painted in pale pink and baby blue. The three of them all got in the house and the woman sat them down at the table. "Now," said Claire's mom. "Lyn, you may address me how you like. Carol, Mrs. Williams, Mom, whatever. It's okay with me!" She beamed. "I'll set you up with the local school. You'll start tomorrow. Okay, sweetie?" "Yes, Mrs. Williams," Lyn said. "I'll show you where you can sleep," Claire said, getting up from the table. She led Lyn up to her room, which was draped in gauzy lavender fabric. She pointed to a cushion on a windowsill. "Make yourself comfy." Lyn made to lie down when Claire noticed her PAK. "Aren't you going to take your backpack off?" Lyn froze. All Irkens had a PAK attatched to them when they were born, and it couldn't be taken off. "Uh, no. Hahaha." Lyn laughed a robotic laugh, aided by the fact that RiRi was laughing too, though Claire didn't notice. She left the room and Lyn lay down, staring out the window and rubbing her eyes.

The next morning Mrs. Williams came into the girls' room, flicking the lights on and off. "Come on, get up!" "What's wrong?" asked Lyn. "Are there aliens invading?" She was saved! Claire looked at her like she was insane and put on her glasses. "Um, no, we have to go to the first day of school." "Oh, right, school." Lyn laughed like she knew what she was talking about, but she had no idea what school was. "Computer," she said to her wrist when Claire left the room. "What is... school?" "School is a form of human education." "And what do they learn about? What to do when aliens invade?!" The watch shut down. Lyn sighed and walked out the door. "So do you know anyone here?" asked Claire as they walked to school. Lyn kept getting ahead of Claire, who was an extremely slow walker. Lyn stopped, waited until Claire had caught up to her, and said, "No, I'm new to this town." "How?" asked Claire. "Aren't you an orphan?" "Yeah," said Lyn, thinking, This'll save me the trouble of having to come up with an entire family. "So?" Claire said, narrowing her eyes at Lyn. "You must have had some sort of parents to bring you here." There was no doubt that Claire was inconvienently sharp. Lyn thought for a moment, then said, "I don't like to talk about it." Claire looked like she wanted to press on, but she didn't, and the girls got to homeroom. The room was completely empty and lifeless. "Are we the only ones here?" asked Lyn. Claire looked at her, like, Were you locked away during the first ten years of your life? "No, actually, I like to come to school twenty minutes early." "Twenty minutes!" Lyn cried. She couldn't believe she had skipped out on extra time to research Earth. Claire began unpacking their things and arranging them very neatly on her desk. Lyn migrated to the chair in the smallest, darkest corner of the classroom and looked at her watch. She silently browsed information about what humans learn about in school when a bell rang and scared her right out of her skin. Kids began filing in the class, chattering and talking. Lyn looked up, putting her watch away, and spotted the boy with the triangle-shaped head and the boy with the black spiky hair. The teacher came in, and she was as far from Lyn as you could get. Smiley, happy, and cheerful, she said, beaming, "Hello, my little ducklings!" The class murmured in reply. "Now, that's not a way to start off the school year!" the teacher said, smiling creepily. "My name is Ms. Tarchi and I will be your homeroom teacher this year! Now you know my name, let's learn yours! You!" she said, pointing to the triangle-headed boy. "What's your name?" "Phineas Flynn," the boy replied, smiling at the teacher, looking less stalkerish-looking in comparison to Ms. Tarchi. "I like building stuff with my stepbrother Ferb." "Stuff!" exclaimed a black-haired girl in a pink dress. "Phineas, it's not just stuff, it's masterpieces!" She smiled and blushed. "No comments from the peanut gallery, please, Isabella," Ms. Tarchi said, still smiling that same freakish smile. She turned to the green-haired boy sitting to the right of Phineas. "You're Ferb, I take it?" He nodded. "Can you tell us a little something about yourself?" Silence. "He doesn't talk much," said Phineas. "He's more a man of action." "I see," said Ms. Tarchi. "Well, hello, Claire, I had you last year, didn't I?" "Yes," said Claire. "Claire was in one of my sixth grade math classes last year," said Ms. Tarchi. "Smart girl, you are!" She turned to the boy with the spiky hair. "What's your name, duckling?" Lyn winced. What was with this chick? "I'm Dib," the boy announced. "And he" &mdash; he pointed to the boy at the end of his row &mdash; "is an alien." "IT'S A SKIN CONDITION!" the boy cried, and Lyn recognized Zim. "I believe him," volunteered Phineas. "I mean, wouldn't it be cool if there really was life on other planets?" The class let out a ripple of noise, and Dib punched the air. "YES! One believer becomes two!" He turned to face the classroom. "Anyone else here think Zim is an alien?" "Please sit down, Dib," Ms. Tarchi said, her eyes bulging and her teeth clenched together in a noticeably forced smile. She turned to her list and went through the rest of the class, which was relatively normal. One girl liked macaroni sculptures; another boy shared long ancedotes of violent video games; yet another boy enjoyed indoor skydiving, whatever that was. Finally, Ms. Tarchi reached Lyn's name. "Lyn Williams?" she said, smiling again. "Are you here?" She scanned the classroom, but didn't bother to look in the corner where Lyn was sitting. "Over here!" Lyn cried, standing on her desk and waving her arms in the air. "Lyn is here!" The class didn't look at all concerned that Lyn was standing on her desk and screaming; apparently, Lyn thought, this was probably something Zim did on a daily basis. She calmly sat down and acted as though nothing had happened, while Zim's jaw hit his desk, but he didn't say anything. "Well hello, Lyn," Ms. Tarchi said, smiling and twitching slightly, as though this class was getting on her nerves. "Please tell us something about yourself." "Well, I'm completely &mdash; totally &mdash; undeniably &mdash; normal." "Good to... know..." said Ms. Tarchi, marking Lyn present. She put down her clipboard and clapped her hands. "Well! Let's start science with the periodic table. Can someone please tell me what this is?" She pointed to the board, where a name was spread across the chalkboard. She grinned. "It's a challenge question!" Phineas and Ferb's hands were in the air, but so was Lyn's. "Lyn?" Ms. Tarchi asked. "What is this element?" "It's Meitnerium, its atomic number is 109, its most stable isotope is 268, which means it's radioactive, and it is synthetic and has failed to be recreated." Ms. Tarchi blinked. "Good job, Lyn!" she said, pulling out a sheet of stickers from her desk. "You get a gold star!" She walked to the corner of room where Lyn sat and stuck the star to her forehead. Lyn moodily pulled it off and stuck it under the desk, where the weak adhesive wore away and the gold star floated to the floor. Ms. Tarchi continued her lesson, in which Lyn was able to answer every question correctly. Maybe I'm good at this school thing! she thought. The class went on and melded into math, and by the time lunch rolled around, Lyn was getting pretty freaked out. She looked at the mysterious goo that filled the lunch trays of the people in front of her, and Phineas saw her face. "I know," he said. "It looks pretty nasty, doesn't it? That's why I pack my own lunch." He smiled and walked away. Lyn looked up at the large lunch lady, who raised a ladle full of the stuff and dumped it on Lyn's tray. It splattered and hit her in the face, but she ignored the pain it caused and simply wiped it from her face with a napkin. As she walked away from the counter, she looked out over the tables, trying to find a place to sit &mdash; preferably alone. She was about to go sit at the near-abandoned table in the back when she spotted Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella waving at her. "You can come sit with us!" they called. Lyn looked nervously from table to table, trying to decide whether to sit with Dib and that creepy girl, or Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and their million other friends. "Uh, no thanks. I'll go sit in the back," Lyn replied, making her way through the crowds of kids, trying to not trip over kids who were sticking out their legs. "That's a shame," Phineas said, turning back to his sandwich. "She seemed nice." More like creepy, Isabella thought. Lyn sent off a vibe to Isabella that told her she definitely wasn't like the others. It was the same vibe she caught from Zim. Something about him struck her as odd too, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Lyn set her lunch tray on the table with a loud clack. Dib looked up, but the creepy girl next to him kept staring down at her game, and said nothing but, "Dib, I'm almost to level three-hundred and ninety-five. If you'd like to keep your insanely large head, keep it down!" Lyn's eyes widened and she looked at Dib. "Sorry about that." Just then, a voice said, "Can I sit here?" Lyn turned around and Phineas was standing there. "Uh, sure," Lyn said, looking uneasily at Dib. Something told her that he sat alone with this girl every day, and Lyn couldn't figure out for the life of her why he did. She looked down at her plate of goo and felt awkward. Phineas, however, talked enough for the four of them. All Lyn had to do was say, "Yep," or, "Uh-huh," every time Phineas paused to take a bite of his sandwich. She wondered when he'd shut up, and when they'd get out of this mess of a cafeteria. They were released outside for recess, where dark clouds hung over the school. Soon enough, it started to rain. All the girly girls like Isabel and Isabelle ran inside shrieking, "My hair! My hair!" while the boys rolled their eyes, laughed, and continued what they were doing. Zim ran inside screaming, and Lyn figured that if she was a girl and Irken, technically she would be expected to run inside too. Instead, she found shelter under a tree. She sat there alone for a while until Phineas walked up. "Oh, hi, Phineas," Lyn said. "Hey," he said. "Do you know Zim? Because he says he knows you..." "Um, yeah, we went to... um, indoor skydiving camp together," said Lyn, rapidly constructing a lie in her head. And what a fail of a lie it was. Trying to change the subject, Lyn asked, "What do you know about planets?" "Oh, lots," he said, his eyes lighting up. Meanwhile, Isabella glared at Lyn from across the playground. Phineas seemed to be warming up to the new girl too fast... way too fast. Isabella then mentally slapped herself in the face and scolded herself for thinking that way. It wasn't nice to judge. Gretchen followed Isabella's eyes across the grounds. "I know what you're thinking, Isabella," she said to her troop leader. "Trust me, they're just friends." "Really?" Isabella asked. "You know?" Gretchen shrugged. "I know I'm smart, but I can't read minds, y'know." "Please, give me a clear answer!" Isabella cried. Gretchen grinned. "Okay, the disgruntled 7 Ball says &mdash;" "Disgruntled 7 Ball?" "Yeah," said Gretchen. "They're all brothers, those pool balls. 8 gets the most recognition as the Magic one &mdash; he's a problem solver and everyone turns to him for help. But 7 is disgruntled that his older brother gets more eyes on him than he does. He's not a bestseller." "I see," Isabella said, clearly not understanding at all. "Wow, Gretch, you're like a walking Wikipedia: useful at times, and full of random facts." Gretchen curtsied. "I aim to please. Seriously, though, here's what I see." She pulled out a little box from her sash pocket and pressed a button. It transformed into a boom box, which Gretchen put a CD into. The Kronk For Hire cue began to play, and Gretchen started talking. "Think back to the first time you met Phineas. He warmed right up to you, right? He's that kind of person. He likes everyone and everything." "Except for Isabelle," Isabella interrupted. Gretchen nodded. "Except for Isabelle. "See what I mean, though? He likes everyone, everything, and of course he'll befriend the new girl, it's nearly involuntary for him! Why else do you think we sit with loads of people at lunch?" She had a point. "You're right, Gretchen. Nothing to worry about." "I'm not done," Gretchen said. "This is more. Lyn doesn't like-like Phineas. She like-likes that Nib kid or whatever his name is, the one with the big head." Isabella's heart leapt. "Thank goodness." "And I can just tell, Isabella, he doesn't like-like her, either. He like-likes..." she lowered her voice to a whisper. "Her name starts with an I..." "Omigosh." Isabella clapped her hands to her mouth. "Isabel." "NO, YOU FOOL!" Gretchen cried, still perfectly in time with the beat of the music she was playing in the background. "ISABELLA!" Just then, the CD hit a scratch and started skipping. Gretchen pressed the button on the boom box and it shrunk back into the little box it was. Meanwhile, on the other side of the playground, Dib was talking animatedly to Gaz, who ignored his every word and continued coloring her picture. "I'm telling you, Gaz, not all the kids at this school are brainless," he said. "Phineas believes me." "Phineas is that kind of person, Dib." "I know, but he believes that Zim is an alien! If we can team up, we could actually get real, solid evidence that &mdash;" Gaz jerked her head up from her picture, looking murderous. "Can't you see I'm trying to draw, Dib?!"

Lyn walked home from school alone, avoiding the puddles that were still on the ground. She had ditched Claire because she had been hanging around the Irving crowd (read: a bunch of nerds). She was just stepping over a particularly large puddle when a voice behind her made her stumble and fall face-first into a deep puddle. She got up, dried herself off, and continued walking, ignoring the voice behind her. "Lyn! Hey, Lyn, wait up!" It was an unfamiliar voice, and yet, it was rather familar. It sounded like that Isabella girl. Lyn turned around, saying, "Leave me alone, Isabella." The girls behind her were definitely not Isabella. One had long brown hair, a maroon shirt, and black jeans, and the other girl had short, bright orange hair and a black and gray striped dress with high socks. "How dare you associate me with her!" cried the one with the maroon shirt. "I'm Isabelle, thank you very much." "And I'm Isabel," the other girl said. "No one cares," said Isabelle. "Shut your trap." Lyn ignored the bickering pair and continued walking. Isabelle tripped over Isabel trying to catch up. "LYN! DON'T YOU DARE DITCH US! DO YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE?" "No, actually," said Lyn. "Leave me alone, or I'll call up my SIR on you." She had spoken without thinking. She sped up her pace, hoping they hadn't realized what she had just said. They had. "What's a sir?" asked Isabel, pushing Isabelle out of the way in her attempts to catch up with Lyn, who was nearly running now. "Nothing." Although, thought Lyn, I could blank their memories... "RiRi," she said into her watch. "Come find me. And be in duty mode." "OKIE DOKIE!" screamed RiRi's voice from the watch. Lyn began running away from Isabel and Isabelle, but they were too quick for her and caught her by the arms, restraining her. "You're not going anywhere until you tell us what a sir is," said Isabelle. "Yeah," echoed Isabel. "Get off of me!" screeched Lyn. "NOW!" She attempted to kick both of them in the shins backwards, and succeeded: The girls dropped Lyn, grabbing their shins and screaming. "YOU JERK!" cried Isabel as Lyn ran away. "LOOK BACK AT ME!" Lyn looked back, and as she did, something flashed in her eyes; Isabel and Isabelle's faces became blank, and they dropped their legs. "Have a nice day, Lyn," said Isabel, waving absently. "That's what I thought," muttered Lyn, smiling to herself and running home.

Lyn enjoyed her first few days on Earth, but as time wore on, she decided that she needed help. It came in the form of Zim. She used RiRi to find his base and knocked on his door. A scream sounded from inside. "YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE AGAIN!" Lyn blinked and knocked again. Zim screamed again. "STOP KNOCKING ON MY DOOR, TAK!" "I'M NOT TAK!" screamed Lyn, causing a few birds to take off from a nearby tree. "NOW OPEN YOUR DOOR!" The neighbors peered out their windows. Lyn waved, then slammed her fist into Zim's door. "OPEN UP NOW." The door opened and Zim stood there, GIR peering out from around his ankles. "Hmm," he said. "You look like Tak. How do I know it's not you?" "Zim, you moron!" said Lyn, taking off one of her contacts. "Happy now?" "Hmm," he said again. "How come you look like Tak?" "I have no idea, Zim, just let me in." He stood aside and Lyn strode in, looking up at the ceiling, covered in wires and whatnot. "That's not conspicuous at all," Lyn commented. "Now what do you want?" asked Zim. "I want &mdash;" Another knock sounded at the door. Zim ran over and peeked out the window. "Who is it?" asked Lyn. Zim ignored her and carefully opened the door. There stood Phineas, Ferb, and behind them, Isabella, looking a little skeptical. "Hey, Zim!" said Phineas. "Whatcha do &mdash;" Zim closed the door in his face. "That was rude," said Lyn, crossing her arms, RiRi climbing on her head. "Yes, well, his assistance isn't needed. So what were you going to say &mdash; ?" A fierce knock was heard, as though the person behind it was close to knocking the door down. Zim sighed and went to answer the door again. "What?" "HOW DARE YOU CLOSE THE DOOR ON PHINEAS!" yelled Isabella, who was red in the face with anger. Phineas tapped her shoulder. "Izzy..." "WHAT?" she snapped, whirling around and hitting him in the face with her hair. Phineas shrunk slightly. "Don't be mean to Zim. He's nice." "Oh yeah?" said Zim. "Whose side are you on anyway... Phineas?" He spat the last word out like it was something disgusting he was eating. Phineas looked confused. "What do you mean?" "I mean, today in class you supported Dib when he called me an alien! Which I'm not!" said Zim in mock indignance. Phineas shook his head. "I never said you were an alien." "But you're his friend!" "Phineas is everybody's friend," said Isabella. "Everyone's." "LIES!" screamed Zim. "I'm your friend too, Zim," Phineas said. "I have no need for... FRIENDS!" screamed Zim, pushing him, Ferb, and Isabella out the door and shutting it. He turned to Lyn again. "So what did you come here for again?" "I need," said Lyn, "technology. Whatever you can use to help me." "Do what?" said Zim, looking skeptical. "Get off this planet!" cried Lyn. Wasn't this obvious? "I have no technology whatsoever here and I want to get off this planet &mdash;" "Okay, okay, sheesh, calm down!" Lyn sighed and raised an eyebrow. Zim stood up and walked out of the room. After a moment, he returned holding a small object that looked like a TV remote. "Zim &mdash;" began Lyn. Zim clicked the remote and a cruiser crashed through the ceiling. "Hmm," he said. "That didn't work out the way I planned." "You think?" asked Lyn. She took the remote from his hand, thanked him, and hopped into the cruiser, RiRi breakdancing on her head the entire time. The cruiser rose up off the ground and into the sky, and as she flew away, she saw a flash of red and green hair, but it faded quickly and she was out of there. Phineas ran up to the door and knocked again. Zim opened it. "What?" "What just happened &mdash; ?" asked Phineas, as Zim shut the door in his face yet again. He turned to Isabella and Ferb. "You saw that too, right?" Ferb nodded. "You're not insane, Phineas." "I know," said Phineas, turning to face the sky. "But maybe... aliens do exist."