Baljeet's Whistle

This is an episode of Carl's Pop Song Reviews. Carl reviews the song "Whistle". He thinks it's stupid and lame.

Memorable Quotes
Carl: Who is our next star?

(a picture of Baljeet shows up while a record scratches in the background)

Carl:.....What?

Baljeet: (begins singing "Whistle")

Carl: This is Baljeet. If you don't remember him from the last time I reviewed him, well, don't worry, because that's perfectly understandable. Baljeet is kind of like a walking contradiction. The superstar who isn't famous. With his latest, he now has eight top ten hits, and yet you still wouldn't recognize him on the street.

Carl: Wild Ones, meanwhile, was instantly striking due to the interesting vocals of Vanessa.

Monty: (angrily) Vanessa is dead, DEAD!

Carl: Shut up, Monty.

Carl: Now we have his new song, called "Whistle". Of course it is. We already had a bunch of songs last year with whistles, and now we have a whole song called "Whistle". And while we're talking about obnoxious music trends, why not release a song called "Stupid Lyrics"?

Carl: While I don't think Baljeet is talented, this song actually surpassed my expectations. Baljeet finally managed not to ruin this hook.

Baljeet: Can you blow my whistle, baby, whistle, baby, let me know, girl, I'm gonna show you how to do it, and you start real slow, you just put your lips together, and you come real close, can you blow my whistle, baby, whistle, baby.....

Carl: Because it was already terrible.

Carl: I'm putting it here on the table. This is Baljeet's worst song. Yes, worse than "Right Round". Not mediocre, not a waste of potential, just full-on complete suck. I wish I could say that it's because the hook isn't catchy, but no, Baljeet still has a knack for that. This song is still catchy.

Baljeet: (whistles)

Carl: It's very catchy.

Baljeet: (whistles)

Carl: If you were feeling uncharitable, you might call it insufferable, obnoxiously catchy. You might even call it a brain-destroying, hamster-dancing, irritant of biblical proportions catchy.

Baljeet: (whistles)

Carl: (shudders)

Carl: Isn't catchiness supposed to be a good thing? Well, here's the thing, and let's try to keep it on the downlow. (whispers loudly) This song is not actually about whistling!

Baljeet: Can you blow my whistle, baby, whistle, baby, let me know... (skips parts) You just put your lips together, and you come real close....

Carl: See, it's not really a whistle, it's his (bleep). When you're listening to that whistle, you're actually listening to the sound of Baljeet's (bleep). (immediately leaves the set of the show)

(screen shows a closed bathroom door. The viewers can hear the shower running)

Carl's voice: Get it off me....get it off!

(screen shows Carl back on set)

Carl: God.....And I thought that Phineas song was bad.

Phineas: Scream if you want more!

Carl: Obviously, this song is a take on Stacy Hirano's line in this old movie I watched.

Stacy: (in a suggestive voice) You know how to whistle, don't you, Albert? You just put your lips together, and then blow.

Carl:....Question....why does this sound better when she says it? Maybe that's because Baljeet does everything in his power to drain the appeal out of it. Now, let's look at Stacy. Smooth, hot, suggestive. Meanwhile, it seems like Baljeet is trying to sound like a talking dog. (mocks Baljeet) Yeah, that's right, I said it. Baljeet is no Stacy Hirano. These are the controversial statements that makes me ridiculed by Major Monogram for my honesty. (claps a hand to his heart)

Carl: It's not only Baljeet that's the problem here, it's the whistling, too. This is some Norm the Robot stuff right here. Usually, whistling doesn't sound hot, but it can. Not this one. This is some bright, sunny day whistling, skipping across the street to hang out with the Fireside Girls. (screen shows Carl wearing a Fireside Girls' outfit, smiling like a dork, and skipping down the street while Baljeet whistles in the background)

Carl: I'm not sure what the lyrics actually are.

Baljeet: (sings something incomprehensible)

Annotation: I bet you like feet bowl?

Carl: I'm relying on lyric sites, but every one I looked at has different lyrics because no one can understand what the (bleep) he's saying. He raps like like a little kid coughing up mucus and he does something to his voice production that makes him sound like way younger than he actually is. So when I'm reviewing these lyrics, keep in mind that I might be getting them completely wrong. I could just ignore these verses because they don't matter, but I'm drawing the line. You can't just mumble your lyrics at high speed and assume that no one will care about what you're saying so you can get away with anything. I'm going to rip apart every single stupid, lazy line. Alright, let's see what you got.

Baljeet: I bet you like people, and I'm bettin' you love freak mode, and I bet you love girls who give loves to girls and stroke your little ego, I bet you I'm guilty, your honor...

Carl: Um, Baljeet, are you talking to yourself? Well, someone's gotta talk to you, I guess. Actually, the idea of this happening in Baljeet's head is quite funny to me. He's imagining being a hot club icon, talking to himself while being ignored at the bar.

Baljeet: (sings something incomprehensible)

Carl:....What?

Baljeet: (sings something incomprehensible)

Carl:....Done paid the rottweiler? Uh, I don't know who paid the rottweiler. Do you have someone managinf your rottweiler services?

Baljeet: Who in the (bleep) paved the road wider....

Carl: Oh. Well, for a small guy, you're actually strong. I guess paving the roads wider would be no problem.

Baljeet: There's only one Bal and one Jeet....

Carl: Yes, I agree, there is only one Bal. Unfortunately, it is not you. (screen shows a picture of Phineas and Ferb playing on bouncy balls). Who are you trying to kid here? (screen shows Baljeet with a question mark covering his face) (sarcastically) Baljeet, often imitated, never duplicated. (screen shows a picture of Baljeet with a caption that says "Even I don't know who I am") Baljeet has such a unique personality that we will never see again!

Baljeet: I'm a (bleep) shame...

Carl: Correct.

Baljeet: Order more champagne, pull a (bleep) hamstring, try to put it on ya...

Carl: Correction: Baljeet's attempts at being a ladies' man are so stupid they actually cause him physical pain. This isn't getting better.

Carl: NO ONE has anything good to say about Baljeet, except that he sells records.

Carl: What do you do with this song? The goofy whistling, and the guitar....what the (bleep) is this? It's not a club song, so you can't dance to it. You can't sing along because no one knows any of the lyrics. You can't even turn it on for intimate purposes. You think people realize this song is about doing "it"? I can't wait for this to show up on the next P&F Kids Album.

Carl: What is this song good for? Anything? No, I'm done. I'm done with this. (walks off set)

(screen shows Carl playing video games. He begins whistling the whistling part from "Whistle")

Carl: (BLEEP!) (begins hitting himself with a baseball bat) Okay. (goes back to playing video games)

(episode ends)

Trivia

 * The creator likes the song for the whistling and the beat, but doesn't like the lyrics
 * The "Scream if you want more" line is from the song "Rollercoaster". Some P&F fans have sick minds and think the line is suggestive.
 * That "Vanessa is dead" line is a reference to another episode where Monty disliked that Vanessa collaborated with musicians he didn't like, such as Baljeet and Jeremy.
 * The creator doesn't hate Baljeet at all, only Carl does.