Split Personality

(Scene opens in Gina’s room, where she’s calling Crystal Chappell and cutting some pictures) Gina Tognoni: I don’t know Crystal, between busting my brothers and trying to make Jeremy my boyfriend in time for school, I just can’t seem get anything this summer. Like my “Joshua & Me” scrapbook. I mean, I have cute pictures of Joshua and cute pictures of me but no cute pictures of both of us being cute together! It’s a real problem. But time to check on Eric and Peter! (uses a pair of binoculars to spy on Eric and Peter) Standing around, dorking it up, boring. There’s just too much for one person to do. If only there were two of me: One to bust my brothers and one to be with Joshua.

(Cut to the backyard, Anthony is carrying Darnell like luggage) Anthony Geary: Look what Darnell did to my ice cream bar! He got peanut butter on my Magnum! Look at this mess! LOOK AT IT!  (shoves the ice cream bar in Eric’s face) Eric Braeden: Anthony, peanut butter and Magnum are really good together! Anthony Geary: I don’t wanna taste two things at one time! It’s unnatural! Eric Braeden: Well, you’re in luck. We just finished our molecular separator. It’s our cool new machine that breaks things down into their components parts. We used it to separate a mule into a horse and a donkey. And to separate shampoo plus conditioner into shampoo  and conditioner! Peter. (Peter places the peanut butter-Magnum on a stool and shoots it with a machine. The peanut butter-Magnum turns into a jar of peanut butter and a Magnum bar.) Anthony Geary: Witchcraft! Eric Braeden: <span style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;">Try it. (Anthony takes the Magnum and eats it) Eric Braeden:<span class="apple-converted-space" style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> <span style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;">Well? Anthony Geary:<span class="apple-converted-space" style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> <span style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;">Singular-goodness. <span class="apple-converted-space" style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> (At Darnell)<span class="apple-converted-space" style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> <span style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;">Why don’t you grab your peanut butter and your swimsuit and meet me at the flagpole. <span class="apple-converted-space" style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> (He and Darnell walk away.) Eric Braeden:<span class="apple-converted-space" style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> <span style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;">Come on, let’s see what else we can separate. (Eric and Peter walk away. Perry is seen pressing a stone which opens a hatch which he jumps down in. He lands in his lair.)

<p style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;">Joseph Mascolo: Agent P, Sabatino has been seen at the Danville public pool, installing some kind of new device. We need you to get there immediately, good luck Agent P. (Agent P salutes, and hurries away)

<p style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> (Back at the backyard, Gina runs out from the house) Gina Tognoni: Those kids are so busted! All I have to do is bring this to Mom. (tries to lift it) Wow, it’s heavier than I thought! (She accidentally shoots herself with it, creating two different Ginas) Busting Gina Tognoni: Must bust Eric and Peter. Romantic Gina Tognoni: Ah, Joshua. (They look at each other)

<p style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;"> (At the public pool, Sabatino is seen in a line for a high dive) Michael Sabatino: Perry the Platypus, I’m glad you’re here. I’m just in line for the high dive. You see, it reminds me of the high dive I knew as a kid at the Gimmelshtump public wetness maker.

<p style="color:rgb(8,8,8);font-family:Arial,'HelveticaNeue',Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:12px;line-height:17px;">(Flashback) Michael Sabatino: (Narrating) It wasn’t so much of a pool, as it was just a… we’ll just say that it only had water in it on alternating Wednesdays, and leave it at that. Anyhooh, in Gimmelshtump, the high dive was an important rite of passage. Michael’s Father: Are you a man or a schnitzel?! Young Michael: I’m a man, I’m a man. (Young Michael climbs up the ladder, lays on the top and looks down in fear) Queuing man: Das kind ist ein schnitzel. (That kid is a schnitzel.) (He and other queuing men laugh) Michael Sabatino: (Narrating) With all those people looking and laughing at me, I-I just couldn’t do it. Michael’s Father: Ich habe keinen sohn. (I have no son.) (Young Michael sadly follows his father away from the pool) Michael Sabatino: (Narrating) After that, my father and I became increasingly distant. Michael’s Father: Zu nah! (Too close!) (Flashback ends)

Michael Sabatino: Now I will conquer my fear and jump from the high dive, but you know, I still don’t want any of these people to look at me and make fun of me, so I invented the Look-Away-Inator! You’d think it would attract a lot of attention at a public pool, but so far no one’s noticed it. It must be leaking or something. (Multiple people walk by and get hit by the leak, looking away and falling into the pool) Michael Sabatino: Anyway, when I do my man making dive, you can bet that no one in the Tri-State Area will be looking. Sure, it may be tough for people who happen to be driving, plus, brain surgeons might have a problem too, but it’s really a small price to pay for me becoming a man, right? (Agent P glares at him) Michael Sabatino: You’re right, I gotta trap you. (Some life-rings drop down on Agent P, trapping him)

(Back at the house, Romantic Gina is decorating her room) Romantic Gina Tognoni: Romance, lalalalala. It’s a Joshua bedroom! Busting Gina Tognoni: O. M. G. (Busting Gina pulls out her phone and calls Hunter) Busting Gina Tognoni: Mom! Eric and Peter made me! Hunter Tylo: Um, I’ve got some stretch marks that would say otherwise. Busting Gina Tognoni: No, I mean, they split me in half! Well, not like I’m cut in half, but they’ve made another me! Hear for yourself… (Busting Gina gives the phone to Romantic Gina) Busting Gina Tognoni: It’s for you. Romantic Gina Tognoni: Hi Joshua! Busting Gina Tognoni: Not Joshua, it’s Mom. Romantic Gina Tognoni: Oh, hi Mom. Here’s Gina. Busting Gina Tognoni: See? Hunter Tylo: That was a very nice imitation of yourself Gina. Love ya, bye. Busting Gina Tognoni: No, wait! Hello? Grrrrrr…. (Eric and Peter walk by) Eric Braeden: Hi Gina, and hello to you Gina. (Eric walks back) Eric Braeden: Uh-oh. Okay Peter, change of plans. Busting Gina Tognoni: You need to focus on what’s important, you touchy-feely ninny! Eric Braeden: Hey guys. So it appears there’s been a little mishap. Let’s say we fire up the ol’ molecular splitter in reverse and… Busting Gina Tognoni: Forget it. I’ve only got one thing on my mind, and that’s busting you! I’m going to the mall to get Mom! (She runs out of the room) Romantic Gina Tognoni: Wait for me! (She runs after her) Eric Braeden: Well, I guess I know what we’re gonna do today.

(At the Googolplex Mall, the two Ginas run through the doors) Busting Gina Tognoni: Gotta find Mom! Romantic Gina Tognoni: Gotta find Joshua! (They run off in opposite directions)

(Song: Me, Myself and I)

Gina Tognoni: ♪Me, Myself and I ♪ ♪Don’t see eye to eye ♪ ♪Me, Myself and I ♪ ♪Don’t get along ♪ ♪Me, Myself and I ♪ ♪Can finally say goodbye ♪ ♪This collaboration always felt so wrong ♪

Busting Gina Tognoni: ♪There’s two of us on the scene ♪ ♪And I don’t wanna sound mean ♪ ♪But I’ll tell you that I’m happy without me ♪ ♪I’ve been holding me back ♪ ♪But now I’m on my own track ♪ ♪We’re done. Finito! I’m free! ♪

Romantic Gina Tognoni: ♪From here on out ♪ ♪We can both exist peacefully ♪ ♪Without all of this struggle and internal strife ♪ Busting Gina Tognoni: ♪(Internal strife) ♪ Romantic Gina Tognoni: ♪Now that we’re separate we can do anything ♪ ♪So don’t let the door hit you ♪ ♪Have a nice life ♪ Busting Gina Tognoni: ♪(Have a nice life) ♪

Busting Gina Tognoni: ♪I’m through with myself ♪ ♪I’m better off without her ♪ Romantic Gina Tognoni: ♪(Myself and I) ♪ Busting Gina Tognoni: ♪I’m through with myself ♪ ♪I’m better off without her ♪ ♪Me, myself and I ♪ ♪Don’t get along ♪ Romantic Gina Tognoni: ♪(Without her) ♪

(Romantic Gina walks up to Hunter who’s at a glasses stand) Romantic Gina Tognoni: Hi, Mom. Have you seen Joshua? Hunter Tylo: Doesn’t he work over at that hot dog stand? Romantic Gina Tognoni: (dreamily) Oh, yeah. (Romantic Gina leaves happily and Busting Gina comes up while Hunter’s trying on another pair of glasses) Busting Gina Tognoni: Mom, Mom! Have you seen me? Hunter Tylo: Well, I see you right now. Weren’t you looking for Joshua? Busting Gina Tognoni: No! (Busting Gina leaves angrily) Glasses Seller: Wow, twins. That’s a handful. Hunter Tylo: What?

(Back at the public pool, Sabatino is now first in line for the high dive. He looks at the top nervously as he sees a bird crash into it. He looks to the man beside him.) Michael Sabatino: You can go ahead if you want. I’m not in that much of a hurry. Man: (knowingly) Uh huh. Michael Sabatino: You have fun up there. (looks to the kid next in line) So… Kid: Don’t talk to me, Mister.

(Cut back to the mall, at Slushy Dawg where Joshua is working) Joshua Morrow: There you go little guy. (Busting Gina walks up) Joshua Morrow: Hi Gina. Busting Gina Tognoni: Have you seen Gina? Joshua Morrow: Well, I can see you right now. Busting Gina Tognoni: No, no, no, no. Not me me, the me that isn’t me. Joshua Morrow: (Confused) Uh… Busting Gina Tognoni: You know, “bla-bla-bla, Joshua is so amazing, hearts, rainbows, and unicorns bla!” That me! Joshua Morrow: (Confused) Oh, gosh. I guess I could say yes I have… Busting Gina Tognoni: Where? Joshua Morrow: (Scared) Nowhere… I mean, not today. Busting Gina Tognoni: Ugh! Well, if I come back and I have a flower in my hair, you tell me! Find Gina, find Mom, bust, bust, bust! (She runs off and Joshua turns around before Romantic Gina walks up) Romantic Gina Tognoni: Hi, Joshua! Joshua Morrow: Uh, hey, Gina. You have a flower in your hair. Romantic Gina Tognoni: I know! Joshua Morrow: Ok, you’re kinda scaring me… Romantic Gina Tognoni: (sighs contentedly) I could just stare at you all day long… Joshua Morrow: Listen, I gotta get back to work, but if you like, I can swing by your house after I’m done. Romantic Gina Tognoni: Really? I would love that! Joshua Morrow: Ok then, see you after work. Romantic Gina Tognoni: Something to remember me by? (points to her cheek, smiling) Joshua Morrow: Ok. (Joshua leans over to kiss Romantic Gina and she smiles more before she’s pulled away by Busting Gina, leaving Joshua alone) Joshua Morrow: Ok, maybe later. (Eric and Peter walk up) Eric Braeden: Hey, Joshua. Joshua Morrow: Oh, hey, guys. Eric Braeden: Have you seen Gina? Joshua Morrow: Yeah, you just missed her. Eric Braeden: Was she talking about busting or was she oogling over you? Joshua Morrow: Uh… both. She said something about going to find the “other Gina” and-and Mom and then she went all wild when I mentioned stopping by tonight. Eric Braeden: So if we find Mom, we’ll find both Ginas. Joshua Morrow: (Confused) Uh, tell them I say hi. (The boys leave)

(Back at the public pool, it’s Sabatino turn for the high dive but he simply stares up instead of going) Kid: Mister, come on it’s your turn. Are you some kinda schnitzel? Michael Sabatino: I am a man, not a schnitzel! (Climbing up the high dive) I will prove it right now! Nobody calls me schnitzel anymore! I bet he doesn’t even know what it means the little…(He reaches the top) Hey, hey wait a minute. This isn’t as bad as I remember… IT’S SO MUCH WORSE! (Clings onto the diving board) Kid: (Flatly sighs) Schnitzel…

(In the clothing store, Linda is trying on an outfit inside a changing booth when she hears Busting Gina) Busting Gina Tognoni: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom! She’s here. I have Gina here with me! Come out and look for yourself. (Hunter sighs and comes out of the changing room) Busting Gina Tognoni: See? Two of us! (Hunter sees Busting Gina but she is alone, standing in front mirrors which make it look like there are three more Ginas.) Hunter Tylo: Actually, right now I can see four of you. Busting Gina Tognoni: That slippery vixen! Don’t move, I’ll be right back! (runs off) Hunter Tylo: (sighs tiredly) Yes, yes you will.

(Busting Gina runs past a store) Busting Gina Tognoni: Bust, bust, bust, bust, bust! (Romantic Gina comes out of the store holding a picture frame) Romantic Gina Tognoni: Ah, my Joshua is going to love this! Eric Braeden: There she is! (He and Peter go down the escalator to intercept Romantic Gina as Hunter walks up to her) Hunter Tylo: Well, I’m heading out. You want a ride? Romantic Gina Tognoni: But my cookie-boo is still… Eric Braeden: Gina! Isn’t Joshua coming over later? You should be home getting ready. Romantic Gina Tognoni: Oh, they’re right! Mom, let’s go! Hunter Tylo: How about you, boys? Eric Braeden: Don’t worry; we’ll be home soon. (Hunter and Romantic Gina leave) Eric Braeden: One Gina down, one to go. Busting Gina Tognoni: Eric! Peter! Have you seen the other Gina? Eric Braeden: We just saw her. She’s driving away with Mom. (Busting Gina lets out an unearthly shriek, scaring the boys a bit before she takes off and fisting really angry) Eric Braeden: If the molecular separator doesn’t just disappear when this is over, we should really consider destroying it. Peter Bergman: Agreed.

(Switches to the car, where Linda listens to her daughter with a slightly twitching eye while Busting Gina is running after the car, unnoticed by the two) Romantic Gina Tognoni: My Joshua, my Joshua, and I will be forever! My Joshua, Joshua, Joshua will leave me never! Oh, Joshua. Yay, Joshua! (The car stops and Romantic Gina jumps out while Busting Gina crashes into the back window, which Hunter hears) Hunter Tylo: What was that? (In the house, Romantic Gina runs up the stairs while Hunter carries in bags) Romantic Gina Tognoni: Joshua’s coming! Gotta get ready for Joshua!

(Hunter is in her room when Busting Gina kicks the door open) Busting Gina Tognoni: Where is she? Hunter Tylo: Where is who? Busting Gina Tognoni: Gina! She was with you in the car! Hunter Tylo: Yes, “she” was. Busting Gina Tognoni: And?!

(Back at the pool, Tino is still clinging to the board, and the people in line are becoming increasingly impatient) Man: Come on buddy! Move it! Kid: (has climbed up the diving board) Watch out, schnitzel! (skillfully dives into the pool) Boo-yah! Woman: Now that’s a man! (Michael whimpers pitifully)

(In the Braeden-Bergman backyard) Eric Braeden: Hey Gina! Look who’s here early! (Romantic Gina looks out her window to see, what looks like, Joshua with his back to her) Romantic Gina Tognoni: Ooh! My Joshua is here! I’ll be right with you my love! (disappears from the window to rush to downstairs) Eric Braeden: Wow, she bought it! (Turns around giving a thumbs up to Peter, who is dressed up like Joshua) I guess love is blind.

(At the public pool, Michael seems to have recovered some of his bravery. He is slowly standing up on the diving board, pulling out the Look-Away-Inator’s remote.) Michael Sabatino: Okay, that’s it. My Turn-Away-Inator and I are ready to go! (presses the button and everyone at the pool looks to the side, away from Michael) That’s right, look away! (The scene switches to a room where a man is chiseling a giant sculpture, the machine affects him and he accidentally hits the statue with too much force causing it to fall apart.) Sculptor: (Sarcastically) Fantastic. (Switches to a medical room, where three brain surgeons are working on a woman’s brain. They too are affected by the Look-Away-Inator) Brain Surgeon: Uh, has everyone paid up on their insurance bill? Woman: I taste lilacs.

(In the Braeden-Bergman backyard, Romantic Gina skips into the backyard) Romantic Gina Tognoni: My Joshua’s here! My Joshua’s here! My Joshua’s here! (Busting Gina runs into the backyard after her) Busting Gina Tognoni: Busted, busted, busted! Mom! Eric Braeden: Peter, now! (Peter pulls on the lever. Instead of combining the two Ginas, it creates eleven more and they’re all chattering incoherently) Eric Braeden: Yikes… (Hunter comes into the backyard) Hunter Tylo: All right Gina. I’m here. (The Look-Away-Inator suddenly affects everyone in the backyard, turning their heads to the side.)

(At the pool, Sabatino is preparing to dive)

Michael Sabatino: Now I’m ready. (His head suddenly turns to the side) Oh, I didn’t realize it would affect me too! (He shouts as he loses balance, falling down into the water below. His splash hits his Look-Away-Inator, rendering it useless) Michael Sabatino: (Flailing in the water) Ah, I can’t swim! I am a schnitzel! I am a schnitzel! (Perry jumps into the pool, breaking out of his trap, and tosses a life-ring over Sabatino) Michael Sabatino: (Stops shouting and flailing) Curse you and thank you, Perry the Platypus. Female background singers: ♪ Perry! ♪

(Back in the backyard) Eric Braeden: What are we looking at? Peter Bergman: I have no idea. (He and Eric look back before activating the molecular separator, combining all the Ginas. After she’s combined again, she lands on the stone Perry used to enter his lair. The molecular separator falls into the lair and Eric and Peter exchange confused glances afterward.) Hunter Tylo: I could’ve sworn there were more people here. What did you want Gina? Gina Tognoni: (Sighs) Nothing… Hunter Tylo: Suit yourself. (Leaves)

(Inside the lair, the molecular separator hits Joseph Mascolo. Another more colorful version of him is beside himself afterwards.) Singing Joseph Mascolo: I wanna SING! (Laughs) Joseph Mascolo: I try so hard to keep you under wraps.

(In the backyard…) Gina Tognoni: (To herself) I can’t do anything right…even with two of me! I can’t bust my brothers. I can’t even— Joshua Morrow: There you are, Gina. Gina Tognoni: Joshua? Joshua Morrow: (Holding the frame Romantic Gina had bought) Your mom said you got this for me at the mall today. Gina Tognoni: Uh, no, that wasn’t me. Uh, not all of me, I mean, ugh, this isn’t coming out right! Joshua Morrow: Well, I think it’s pretty cool. Gina Tognoni: You do? Joshua Morrow: Only thing is it needs a picture. Anybody got a camera? Eric Braeden: We’re on it! Peter Bergman: (Holds up a camera) Say “fromage”! Gina Tognoni / Joshua Morrow: Fromage! (Shows the picture Peter took, but they were both talking so the picture doesn’t look very good.)