Candward

Candward is Spongebob/Phineas and Ferb Crossover Crack fic by The Regurgitator.'

'''Candward

By The Regurgitator ''' /////////

Authors Note: Ok this is VERY different from what I usually do. For one, it’s a Crack Fic. That supports A Crack pairing. And it’s sick and wrong in every way ship or form. It’s not to be taken seriously in any way. If your offended at all by this (And I know you are) then repeat to yourself “It’s just a fic, I should really just relax”. So grab youself some Brain Bleach and let’s get started!

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It had finally happened. After all these years it had finally happened. Squidward Tentacles, resident Butt Monkey of Bikini Bottom had finally left…for good. Ever since he moved there, he had been tortured 24/7 by his annoying neighbor, Spongebob Squarepants.

He had tried to leave many times in the past. Like the time he made Spongebob think it was Opposite Day, or the time he moved to a town full of Octopuses like him. But this time he meant it. After a horrifying experience (which is to horrifying to even mention here) he has decided that was it. He was leaving forever.

He didn’t tell Spongebob. He knew that he would try to get him to stay. It was no use though. He had already left. But he wasn’t leaving the city…..he was leaving the sea.

The day before, he had snuck into Sandy’s tree dome and stolen her Escape hatch and her newest invention which would help him breath without a water helmet.

He was know walking down the road. No one was amazied at the sight oh an octopus walking around. They assumed it was just a costume. He carried the machine on his back, which also made him the same size as a human. Unfortunately, the machine could only make him as tall as a 15 year old.

Eventually he saw a sign. It read “Welcome To Danville”.

“Seems like an ok place” Squidward said to himself. “At least it looks better then Bikini Bottom”

A few hours later, Squidward was tired from his long journey. Thankfully he saw a house right down the road.

Squidward walked up to it and knocked on the door. A few minutes later, someone came out.

It was a littlie boy. Squidward looked down and saw that his head was shaped like a triangle. But he wasn’t one to judge so he just ignored that,

“Um Hello…little boy. My name is…” He hesitated. He didn’t want people to know he was really a octopus..

“Rodger! Yes Rodger.” How he came up with Roger, no one knows.

“And I was looking for a place to stay. I’m kinda…homeless” he told the boy.

“Oh. Well hello… Rodger. It’s sad that your homeless and all. I’d love to how here but I’d have to ask my parents when they get home” He said “My Names Phineas By the way”.

“They’re not home? Do they allow strangers?” Squidward said.

“Who is it Phineas?” a girl from inside the house yelled.

“It’s a homeless octopus!” yelled Phineas.

“Wait, I’m not an octopus!” said Squidward.

“It’s ok, I can tell your not some guy in a bad Octopus costume. Don’t worry your secret’s safe with me…and maybe some of my friends” Phineas told him.

“So you don’t find it weird that a homeless octopus is at your door?” asked Squidward asked.

“Well it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that’s happened to me”

Squidward followed Phineas into his house. The first thing he was someone sitting on the couch. His eyes widened when he saw. She was absolutely gorgeous in his opinion.

(AN: I don’t feel like describing her here. If your reading this, then your already know what she looks like anyway”)

“Candace, this is Rodger. He’s an octopus’ Phineas told Candace.

“Your taking in a homeless octopus? Not only does that make no sense whatsoever but it’s also wrong! You guys are so busted!” Candace said.

“Hello…. Candace. There’s nothing wrong with taking in a homeless person regardless of their species’” Squidward told Candace.

“Well I guess you are right. Welcome to our home! But if you touch any of my stuff, your dead” she warned Squidward.

“I wouldn’t think it” he assured Candace.

“Come one let me show you to the guest room” Phineas told Squidward.

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Later that day, Squidward got bored and decided to find something to do. He was walking by Candace’s room when she over heard her talking on the phone.

“Oh Stacy, It’s hopeless. I’ll never be able to bust my annoying brothers! Yes they are annoying,. They do all this crazy stuff and always get away with it!” she said.

“Um Hello?” Squidward said.

“Oh it’s you Rodger.. Leave me alone, I’m talking to someone” she told Squidward.

“But I couldn’t help but hear your predicament. I think we have a lot in common” he said

“Please. Like what?”

“Well for one. I too have someone who bothers me too no end. They always do these crazy things and the worst part is they never get punished for it!” Squidward

“Hey I have the same problem with my brothers. Maybe were not so different after all”

“You know your kinda cute…for a air breather” he told Candace.

“This may sound wrong but…your not so bad yourself” she said.

“Thanks. I try”

Then out of nowhere, Candace leaned forward…and kissed Squidward. He didn’t try to stop her as they kept kissing. Squidward finally stepped back

“That was…wonderful” he finally said.

“Thanks… Rodger.”

“Call me Squidward”

“What’s going on in there”? Said Phineas who was watching them this whole time.

“Phineas! How long have you been standing there?” Candace asked

“I just got here. I saw you with Squidward and wanted to know what you guys were talking about” Phineas lied.

“Ok good. Well I’m gonna take a nap. Bye Squidward, I mean Rodger!” she said as she left.

“I’m out too” Squidward said.

He then retreated to his room, leaving Phineas (and Ferb) standing there.

“So Candace was kissing a homeless octopus…Cool! Let’s go Ferb!”

Ferb finally opened his mouth and said “That’s wrong on so Many levels”

And that was that.

THE END.