Doofenshmirtz Watches Disaster Movie

Author's Note: This is my first ever P&F one-shot, as well as my first non iaf story in awhile. Before you read this, I suggest you look up some reviews of Disaster movie (Especially The Agony Booth's excellent recap of it) so you can more understand how horrible it is. This fic is Rated T, because the movie is PG-13, so it's only fair.

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Jingle Singers: Doofenshmirtz evil incorporated

It was a quiet Friday night at DEI, and Dr Doofenshmirtz was all ready. He was sitting in his favorite recliner, holding a DVD, and a bowl of popcorn.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh Vanessa! It's Friday! You know what that means?

Vanessa: *Sigh* Movie night?

Doofenshmirtz: Yep! Come on, sit it the chair!

Vanessa: But you always choose the lamest movies!

Doofenshmirtz: Don't Worry! The movie I picked this week came out in 2008, as opposed to the low budget 50's movie I always rent.

Vanessa: Really? Hmmm, I might join you. What's it called?

Doofenshmirtz: Disaster movie!

Vanessa: Isn't it that spoof movie that got tons of bad reviews, and has 2% on Rotten Tomatoes, and is now called the plan 9 of our generation?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh Vanessa, you can't judge things based on what other people say! You gotta think for yourself.

Vanessa: That's what you said when we watched garbage pail kids.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh just give it a chance!

Vanessa: Fine. *Sits down* But if this movie sucks, you owe me one.

Doofenshmirtz: Shhh, it's starting!

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Doofenshmirtz: So let me get this straight. This bad Amy Winehouse look alike, not only can see the future, but also predicted the exact day the world would end AND somehow knew future dates would be based on the Georgian calendar?

Vanessa:: It's just a movie dad.

LATER…

Doofenshmirtz: Oh so it was all a dream and-what the heck? Flava-what's his face? That's just ra-a little dude? What the heck is wrong with this movie?

Vanessa:: Again, just a movie.

LATER STILL...

Doofenshmirtz: Sweet 16? But he looks 22 and-oh come an MTV parody? What's next? Is Dr Phil and that guy from No Country for old men gonna show up?

Vanessa: Told you we shouldn't have watched this...

LATER...

Doofenshmirtz: Well that was stupid. They just have this pointless "Wanted" parody, which isn't even much of a parody,. Then this WWE Diva's thing. How do you mess up 2 girls fighting!

Vannesa: How long is this movie again?

Doofenshmirtz: 90 minutes.

Vanessa: Oh boy.

WAY LATER...

Vanessa: Ugh, can this movie get any worse?

Doofenshmirtz: I'm sure it won't get an-and Iron man just came and got crushed by a cow. Come on, why have all this stuff happen! This isn't satire! It's not!

Vanessa: It's just a joke.

Doofenshmirtx: Aren't jokes supposed to be funny? Cuz I'm not laughing.

LATER STILL...

Doofenshmirtz: There's no way this movie can get any worse.

Vanessa: And the puppet chipmunk just bit a guy in the unmentionables

Doofenshmirtz: That's it I'm out of here

Vanessa: I'm with you!

Doof and Vanessa tried to get of their chairs but...

Vanessa: Uh...I'm stuck.

Doofenshmirtz: Me too. But how di-oh crud.

Vanessa: What?

Doofenshmirtz: I just remembered that I was working om my new "Stuck" inator, which makes you get stuck to the first thing you touch. It must of hit us!

Vanessa: Oh just perfect! How are we gonna stop the movie?

Doofenshmirtrz: Well, If close our eyes and shut our ears, then this movie can't hurt us!

Suddenly, the DVD player started to shake...

Vanessa: Uh...what was that?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh...I also forget that this Dvd Player...ya it's my DVD Player-inator. I didn't want to buy one so I made my own. And I made it so it works based on the quality of the movie put in it. If it's a good movie, it works. If it is bad, it won't work.

Vanessa:But this movie is beyond bad, and it DOES work!

Doofenshmirtz: Odd. Unless...this movie is so bad, that it will overheat and..blow up this building!

Vanessa: This is what happens when YOU pick the movie!

Doofenshmirtz: Don't worry, I put a chip in both of us long ago that prevents us from dieing from explosions!

Vanessa: You put a WHAT in me?

Doofenshmirtz: Perhaps I shouldn't have said that.

Vanessa: Wait, what's that portal machine next to the DVD player?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that's just my time portal-inator. I must have turned it on without specifying a date or year. Wait...that means its set on the very middle of the space time continuum. So if the Dvd Player inator explodes, so will the time portal...and the entire universe will be destroyed!

Vanessa: WHAT?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh we are in big trouble now.

Vanessa: I've always joked about a movie being so bad it makes the universe explode. I never thought it would actually happen!

Doofenshmirtz: That thing's gonna blow any second!

Vanessa: This is horrible!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh...help me Santa clause! Help me Jesus Christ! Help me...SANTA CHRIST!

(AN: None of you are going to get this)

Then, Santa Christ burst in!

Vanessa: It's Santa Christ!

Doofenshmirtz: You gotta help us! We're stuck to these chairs, and Disaster Movie is gonna make my DVD player destroy the universe!

Santa Christ: Not on my watch!

Santa Christ then used his magic powers to take the DVD out of the player, and then he took the DVD player it threw it with such force that it flew far away from Danvile.

Doofenshmirtz: Awesome! I wonder were that DVD player ended up...

Meanwhile, in holy wood, Jason Freidberg and Aaron Seltzer were working on their latest movie.

Seltzer: Hey Jason

Freidberg: What?

Seltzer: Are we really making a movie about blue Avatar things that team up with Karate kids and Scott Pilgrim to take over the world? Can't we actually write materiel instead of watching movie trailers and basing the movie off that?

Freidberg: You said that about our last movie, and it was a hit!

Seltzer: All I'm saying is-

They looked up to see the Ready to explode DVD player right above them.

Seltzer: Jason, is that an exploding DVD player?

Freidberg: Yes. Yes it is.

Seltzer: Oh son of a B- *KA BOOM*

Back at DEI...

Doofenshmirtz: That was epic.

Vanessa: Thanks for saving us, Santa Christ!

Santa Christ: No problem. Here, have an XBox360!

Doofenshmirtz: So, what did you do with the disk?

Santa Christ: Eh, I just teleported it to some random location. Well bye!

Doofenshmirtz: Bye! Well I'm, glad that's over!

Vanessa: Next time, I'm picking the movie.

Doofenshmirtz: Deal! But I wonder were that disk went anyway...

Meanwhile, at the Flynn Fletcher house, Candace was alone, due to the boys off on some camping triip with lawerence, and Linda off being a bad parent.

Candace: Ugh there's nothing to do! I guess I could watch a movie but th-

Candace then saw a disk laying on the ground. She picked it up...

Candace: What's this? Disaster movie? Hmmm...

THE END?