A Real Man (Song)

A Real Man is a song about Carl, from the episode of the same name

Lyrics
He's a total dude

And totally crude!

He'll beat you down with the queen of Switzerland's crown! He's a

REAL MAN AND HE'S TOTALLY COOL

A REAL MAN

HE'LL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL

He'll slam you down on the grass

And he'll kick your -

FACE!~

He can swing from a vine

And he'll speak in rhyme

He's amazingly wise

And the perfect size

He's conquered the mountains

And there he built some fountains

He can guide you anywhere

And fly through the air

He'll lift your spirit

Then cast it down and make you fear it

He'll give you a massage

And open your garage

He has his own hot tub

And a duck made of rub... er

REAL MAN AND HE'S TOTALLY COOL

A REAL MAN

HE'LL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL

He'll wax your back

With a large thumbtack

He'll carve a house out of a pineapple

And there he'll store his Snapple

REAL MAN AND HE'S TOTALLY COOL

A REAL MAN

HE'LL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL

He'll make your wishes come true

If you give him your left shoe

He'll dig a large hole

And get rid of the moles

He'll make cleaning fun

By constantly making puns

He'll loan you a cup of sugar

And disintegrate your boogers

He'll clean in the spring

And search the web on bing

He can ride his bike with his eyes closed

And balance a can of beans on his nose

He'll kill a rat with the power of dance

And get rid of an infestation of ants

You can see him in a constellation

And visit a train station REAL MAN AND HE'S TOTALLY COOL

A REAL MAN

HE'LL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL

He's Carl, the real man!

One incredibly large ham!

Trivia
This song, and the episode, is a spoof of the memetic badass trope