What a Bad Friend

Carl reviews the song "Fifteen" by Mindy/Taylor Swift. Even though he and Mindy are fifteen, he claims that Mindy knows NOTHING about being fifteen.

Memorable Quotes
Carl: Mindy. I just love this girl.

Mindy: Jeremy looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see...

Carl: I love how she writes songs about guys named Jeremy, instead of Billy or Bobby, or any of that country (bleep).

Mindy: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts...

Carl: I love how she writes songs about how the guy next door would NEVER been interested in the girl who wears icky t-shirts.

Mindy: And you were Romeo, I was the Scarlet Letter, and my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"...

Carl: I love how she writes songs referencing "Romeo and Juliet" and "The Scarlet Letter" proving in the right way that she knows nothing about either of them.

Carl: Here's what it's like being fifteen. Nothing you do, say, think, or care about matters. The end. Sorry fifteen year olds, but it's true. If you don't believe me, wait till your twenty five. Wait till your nineteen. Wait till your SIXTEEN. Or of course, ask Mindy. Cause that's what the song's about.

Mindy: And those senior boys, who wink at you and say...

Carl: Wishing to get hit on by creepy senior boys? (sarcastically) Yeah, I totally did that.

Mindy: And then you're on your very first date, and he's got a car...

Carl: A date with a boy with a car? (sarcastically) Yeah, that happened too.

Mindy: You sit in class next to a redhead named Candace, and soon enough your best friend...

Carl: (sarcastically) Well, that's the best thing about high school! Sitting next to a redhead named Candace, and suddenly you're best friends!

Mindy: Back then, I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams than mine. And Candace gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind. We both cried...

Carl: That means sex, right? "Gave everything she had to a boy". Otherwise, Candace just gave this boy all her stuff. And that's a really degrading way of putting that. But we've all got our sad stories. I remember my freshman year. (talks about a story about he and his non existant girlfriend breaking up in Paris). As far as high school goes, that's probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me.....Except for the part where NONE of that EVER happened to me. That happened to Cody and Bailey on "The Suite Life on Deck: Break Up in Paris".

(Shows scene where Cody and Bailey break up)

Carl: So imagine I've told you that whole story, but it's about my friend Cody now. The story really loses it luster then. Why? Cause it's easy to be emotional about something that happened to SOMEONE ELSE! I'm not going to be sad cause Mindy's sad that Candace's sad.

Carl: What about you, Mindy? Weren't you dating a boy with a car?

Mindy: Back then, I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams than mine...

Carl: That's it?! What happened!? Did he beat up his brother with nunchucks? Did he cheat on you with Stacy Hirano? Was he called back to his home planet!?

Carl: Anyway, this was always going to be about Candace. Because Mindy would never write a song where SHE gives it up at age fifteen. Maybe that trampy redheaded Candace does that. But Mindy lives in this perpetual Normal Rockwell world where she's had her first kiss last week, and has friends like Candace, or Abigail, or Mildred, probably.

Carl: I do think that Mindy is a talented song writer with a lot of potential. But seriously? Wake me up when she's had two divorces, develops a drinking habit, and starts making some actual country music.