Exile: The Musical

For Nan's thingy

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One day, Phineas, Ferb, and their friends were riding the Coolest Coaster Ever, a self-made rollercoaster ride specifically crafted to be as fun as possible. Of course, with making and riding a rollercoaster, there are possible dangerous repercussions, and for this Candace sought to alert her mom of her little brother’s activities. At this point, she and her mother were at the supermarket, and Candace was trying to pull her out so she could see the boys’ coaster, which was in plain view in the parking lot.

Meanwhile, Agent P was riding on a helicopter with Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s Magnetism Magnifinator in tow. The copter passed by the coaster, and the Magnifinator stuck itself to it, as the coaster was made of medal. However, because the coaster weighed more than the Magnifinator, the Magnifinator broke free from the copter and stuck to it, while the copter went on flying to wherever it was going. Candace pulled her mom out into the parking lot, and she audibly gasped. There it was – the rollercoaster, in plain view! Linda yelled for someone to save her children, and with the combined help of the police force and some firefighters, they were able to get them down. Linda chewed them out, while Candace watched with a satisfied expression upon her face knowing that she had successfully busted her bros.

What would happen now? Would all creativity and imagination be banned and the children of Danville child-proofed and stored away until adulthood due to this horrific act? Maybe if this was “Rollercoaster” it would, but this is “Rollercoaster: The Musical”!

Instead, Linda just grounded them for the rest of the summer, forbidding them from leaving their room until school resumed again. Unable to do anything fun, Phineas and Ferb gradually became more and more angry at their maternal guardian, and one night, they decided to run away – go somewhere far away where they would never be found. Isabella joined them because she liked Phineas a little too much and because we need a token female character in this story.

A decade later, Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella had become wanderers of the Earth, jumping from town to town, having no true home. They had taken up jobs as mercenaries, going wherever they could to find work and make money for themselves. On one particular morning in 2017, the trio was hanging out at one of many taverns they had stayed at. Phineas was sitting at a bar stool near the counter, drinking root beer (as he was 20 and couldn’t have the real alternative yet), sulking by himself as his typical optimistic attitude had faded over the years. Ferb took a seat next to him and started to sing:

Ferb ''Bro, I have been wonderin’ ''about all our years of plunderin’ If that’s really the route we ought to go Or if there’s some other road ''a route that will forebode ''a future more pleasurable without so much woe

So I say why don’t we leave it all behind ''Come on now, it’s our time ''We can make our lives much more sublime ''No longer mercenaries ''but rather quite contrary ''instead leading a relaxing life

''So Phin, why don’t you go and settle down ''Take a load offa your shoulders and come embrace the morning air

Female Chorus Da-ba-doo-bap-dah

Ferb ''Stay in one place without nary a care instead of movin’ around everywhere

Female Chorus Da-ba-doo-bap-dah

Ferb ''You can be a farmer or some other lame crap ''and we’ll have our own house where I can take a nap ''and sleep ever so peacefully, yo Phineas now can’t you see This is why you should settle down

Female Chorus Da-ba-doo-bap-ba-da-ba-doo-bap-de-bap-daaaaaaaah

Isabella joined her compadres and joined in song:

Isabella ''We’ve seen the world, met a whole bunch of people ''Made a ton of friends along the way ''But we keep leaving them behind ''All their offers we declined And our reasons we left undefined

So I say why don’t we Sit on down ''Finally spend time together And live a life of our very own

Female Chorus Da-ba-doo-bap-dah

Isabella ''Maybe get married ''And have a cute little kid Come on Phin, can’t you throw me a bone?

Female Chorus Da-ba-doo-bap-dah

Isabella ''Wipe that frown offa your handsome face ''Listen to the beggings of the human race ''Everyone’s sayin’ that you gotta place Yo Phin-e-as, settle down

Female Chorus Da-ba-doo-bap-ba-da-ba-doo-bap-de-bap-daaaaaaaah

Everyone in the Tavern ''Listen to this song, can’t you see, it’s your time ''Join us all in these concurring rhymes ''You need to live your life ''Get rid of all your strife Now that’s not really such a crime

''Let us know you feel ''You need to seal the deal Are you in or will you turn your heel

Phineas got up from his stool, turned around to face everyone in the bar, and sang out in a majestic voice:

Phineas I did things when I was a kid that I’m really not proud of I hurt the folks I cared about ''I can’t settle down I cannot let them find me So of your offer, I must bale out''

''Isabella and Ferb, if you want to go on your own ''And leave me in my journies forever alone I will not stop you, you’re welcome to go I’ll stay all by myself, placed upon the shelf of my self-inflicted neverending hell''

“Well that was depressing”, said one of the bar patrons. Everyone went back to doing their own thing, and Ferb and Isabella sat back down next to Phineas. “Look Phin, you know we’d never leave you. If... if you want to keep doing this for the rest of your life, we’ll be right there next to you along the way”, Isabella said. “No, don’t let me drag you guys down. It was all my decision to run away from Danville, and I brought you guys with me. I can’t stop you from living your lives because I’m too much of a wimp to face my past”, Phineas muttered. “What? You could never drag us down. Traveling the world these past few years? That’s… that’s really livin’. I mean, I might not be able to sleep in my bed and take a nap whenever I want...”, Ferb bit his lip, “But...”

In the middle of his quote, a man burst into the tavern. “Hey guys! Come look! A monster is approaching the village!,” he shouted. “A monster?”, “Are you crazy?”, “I gotta see this!”, said the various patrons of the bar as they rushed out to see what was going on, Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella included. Outside, they looked over the horizon and indeed saw some kind of beast approaching them. It was large, tall, menacing-looking, and it carried a mace. Not the spray mace. The whack-you-over-the-head mace.

Everyone muttered among themselves as the creature came closer and closer. They were all curious enough to stay in place and see what it would do or say once it approached them and, except for a couple, didn’t run away. Eventually, the creature came to just a few feet away from the humans, and stood in place, staring at them as they stared back at him. A smirk spread across the creature’s face as he lifted his mace and brought it down upon the crowd.

Everyone scattered, running in several directions as the creature swung its weapon around. Phineas unsheathed his sword from its holder – as he was a mercenary and needed such a thing – and parried with the creature’s mace, which was just about to hit the ground. “Hey, man! What’s your deal?,” Phineas yelled. “What’s MY deal?!,” the creature yelled back. “Yeah! Your reason for coming around and thrashing wildly like an idiot!,” he yelled in return. “It ALL started back when I was a kid…” The creature broke out in a rap.

Creature ''It all started back when I was a kid ''And in my lowly village I did all that kids did ''I lived with my momma and my poppa in nature ''Away from all the humans who take part in denature ''‘cause we was monsters ''Creepy creatures, y’know ''Who tried to live peacefully even in the winter snow Ya didn’t know about us We didn’t really know want to know about you But there wasn’t really nothin’ we could do

When they attacked us They raided our poor town ''Brought the spirits of all of us all the way down ''They discovered we was livin’ ''They totally wer’n forgiving ''When they burned everything down to the ground

''Cuz we was different ''They didn’t know what we was like ''So they figured that we should all take a hike ''They killed all my friends and my momma and poppa ''So I thought about it for a bit and I decided I gotta ''Get away, so I ran for my life Away from the meanies with their guns and their knife

I wandered the world, didn’t know what to do I cried for several nights, I was totally boo-hoo ''Then I got an idea, a brilliant plan ''The most ingenious plot ever thought throughout the land ''I’d take revenge ''Kill all the humans I could To make them feel the pain I felt when they attacked meh hood

Phineas ''Well I admit, that’s pretty darn sad ''And I cannot disagree that that’s really really bad ''Losin’ yer momma and yer poppa, my homie ''Even though I haven’t quite experienced that, y’see ''But I ran ''I ran away from my home ''From the only life I lived that was shiny as chrome ''Cuz I was angry ''I was mad that I was punished ''So I thought by running away my parents would be punished ''Too, cuz they would never see me again ''But now I realize I was punishin’ myself, ah-men ''I still haven’t seen ‘em since that very day And I feel horrible about that, though that may be cliché

Creature ''Hey man, now why are you tellin’ me this? ''I don’t care about that the stuff that you’ve reminisced ''I’ve rather listen to the tale of a rubber duck ''Are you listenin’ to me? I don’t give a flying f--''

Phineas ''Watch your language ''Do you know where you are? You’re on a children’s website, bro, you can’t go that far

Creature ''Alright then ''But you’re takin’ what chu have for a-granted ''You’ve been avoidin’ your folks ''Bro, this ain’t no kinda joke I don’t even got a family to visit no mo Appreciate what have, kid, come on Cuz you don’t know what ya got til its gone

Ferb Word to yo motha

“So now you know why I’m doing this!,” the creature concluded. “Okay then, but not all people are like the ones that attacked your village. You’re not any better than them if you go around beating people up,” Phineas explained. “Maybe so. But what else am I supposed to do? I have no one to go to… everyone hates me… though you try to hide the fact, you’re probably going to slash at me again as soon as I finish speaking,” the creature groaned.

“No,” Phineas replied. He threw his sword off to the side, “I won’t.” The creature looked at his sword on the ground, and then back at Phineas. “Foolish human,” he muttered. The creature raised his mace and swung at Phin. “Look out!,” Isabella yelled. She ran towards Phineas and pushed him out of the way as she took the hit. She hit the ground with a loud “THUD!” and writhed in pain.

Phineas NOOOOOOOOO!

Isabella Right now I can hardly breathe...

Phineas Oh, you can do it, just know that I believe...

Isabella And that’s all I really need...

Phineas So come on...

Isabella Make me strong...

Phineas It’s time to turn It up...

Isabella Game on!

Isabella got up, but the creature bashed her with his mace again, killing her this time. “That’s what you get for making a pop culture reference,” he growled. “Isabella!,” Phineas yelled and ran over to her side. “I... I’m not going to make it…,” she whispered. “No, you have to… Isabella, this is all my fault… If I had just listened to what you wanted and decided to settle down a long time ago, this never would’ve happened…,” he cried. “No...", she rubbed her hands through his hair, “It’s not your fault… Don’t waste your life, Phineas... Don't...”

“Do what?,” he asked. But it was too late. ISABELLA WAS DEAD!

“Well, I think I’ve caused enough misery here for now. Gonna move on to the next place,” the creature said as it nonchalantly exited. After awhile, everyone else went back into the tavern until it was just Phineas and Ferb on their knees holding Isabella’s corpse in the grass.

Months later, Phineas and Ferb had finally made it back to Danville, and were approaching their house at 2308 Maple Drive. Phineas looked at Ferb who gave him an approving look and then back at the door. He was going to follow Isabella’s last wish – to finally live a relaxing life – but first, he had to face his past. Not just for himself, but to prove closure for this fan-fiction. After a long breath, he curled his hand into a fist and was about to knock on the door when a familiar person walked up beside them.

“Phineas? Ferb?” The two looked behind them and found that it was none other than Vivian Garcia-Shapiro, Isabella’s mother. She rushed in and hugged them both. “Oh! I haven’t you both in years! Why did you run off? Where’s Isabella?!” “Um...", Phineas gulped, beginning to sweat. Just then, the door to the house opened. “Vivian, what are you doing out he—“ Linda stopped mid-sentence. She stared at the two long-lost figures in front of her. “Phineas?”