Carl's Pop Song Reviews

''' Closed Captioning By: This was something that I got from the internet by this guy named ToddintheShadows. NONE of this stuff belong to me. The songs belong to their original owner and I DO not own the P&F characters. '''

Carl's Pop Song Reviews is a TV show where Carl the Intern reviews very bad pop songs.

Characters
Carl: the guy who reviews bad pop songs

Vanessa: Carl's love interest. He tries to use pick up lines from the song "OMG" to get her attention, but Vanessa thinks he's being weird and rejects him. Sometimes Carl reviews things that involve Vanessa.

Major Monogram: Carl's boss. He threatened to play Alexis Texas (parody of Hannah Montana) songs when Carl started to get bored of reviewing songs.

Suzy Johnson: Plays Lady GaGa/Miley Cyrus in this series. When she plays Lady GaGa, Carl is scared of her, and when she plays Miley, Carl makes fun of her.

Stacy Hirano: Plays Ke$ha/Fergie in this series. Carl hates her. She also spells her name $tacy when she plays Ke$ha. She also plays the part of the Nostalgia Chick.

Coltrane: Plays will.i.am/Usher/a bunch of R&B singers and rappers. Carl has mixed feelings about him; he likes or hates him at times.

Phineas Flynn: Plays Soulja Boy, or "Phinny Boy". He sings a lot of terrible rap songs. Carl hates him. He also started a rap group with Ferb, Stacy, and Coltrane called PFSC. Unfortunately, Stacy and Coltrane do all the singing, and Phineas sometimes sings.

Ferb Fletcher: Plays Justin Bieber. Carl hates him for the obvious. He has a high-pitched British accent that makes him sound like he's five when he's ten. He has a lot of fangirls. He was made famous because of Coltrane. He's also in PFSC, but he never gets a chance to sing.

Jeremy Johnson: Plays the lead singer who sings "Hey, Soul Sister." Jeremy sounds very high pitched in this song for unknown reasons, so Carl thinks this song is corny and annoying. He also plays lead singers in teeny-bopper boy bands that Carl dislikes and sometimes plays Bruno Mars.

Mindy: Plays Taylor Swift. Carl thinks she's annoying and he thinks all her songs are about boys and ponies.

Jenny:`Plays Beyonce. Carl is a dedicated hater to her. He also hates the fact that she sings endless breakup songs.

Baljeet Rai: Plays Jay Sean/Lil Wayne (or Lil Jeet) Carl has mixed feelings about him.

Buford Von Stomm: Plays Chris Brown. Carl hates him because he seriously hurt Adyson, and Carl is Adyson's biggest fan. He also thinks Buford is untalented.

Adyson: Plays Rihanna. Carl is her biggest fan, but he hates most of her songs.

Candace Flynn: Plays Katy Perry. Carl hates her, but she keeps making pop songs that Carl likes.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro: Plays Willow Smith. Due to "Izzy's Got the Frizzies", she made her own hit single, Whip My Hair. Carl finds it annoying. She also plays Nicki Minaj, and Carl think she has an annoying voice.

Albert: He plays Mike Posner. He writes a song called "Cooler Than Me", based on a girl named Stacy Hirano blowing him off. Carl says that Albert does NOT deserve to be famous, and various things like User:The Regurgitator, cornbread, and getting driven to work by your mom are cooler than Albert. He also plays one of the guys in the band LMFAO.

Irving: He plays not very important people, like a group member in the group who sings "Teach Me How to Dougie". He is also Suzy's love interest in "Alexis Texas: The Movie". He plays the other guy in LMFAO.

Season 1 Episodes
1A/1B: Baljeet is Going Down/Who's Baljeet Rai?: Carl reviews "Down" and "Do You Remember". He thinks Baljeet is uninteresting.

2A/2B: Suzy's Stalker/E-V-I-L S-U-Z-Y: Carl reviews "Paparazzi" and "Bad Romance". Carl is scared of her.

3A/3B: Party in the Tri-State Area/Stacy's Party: Carl reviews "Party in the USA" and "Tik Tok". He hates both Suzy and Stacy.

4A/4B: The Breakup That Went Horribly Wrong/Izzy's Got the Frizzies: Carl reviews a rap song called "Break Up" that sucks. It is performed by Coltrane, Jeremy, and a random friend of theirs. Jeremy fails to rap, and the music is not in sync with the singing. Jeremy's rapping mentor was Phinny Boy, which was unfortunate. In IGTF, Carl reviews "Whip My Hair". He also realizes that Isabella's message in "Whip My Hair" is not caring about her haters. Carl decides to put on a put on a blonde wig and whip his hair at his "haters": Gretchen, Perry, Major Monogram, and Vanessa. They think he needs serious help, and he ends up making a fool out of himself.

5: What a Bad Friend: Carl reviews the song "Fifteen". Even though both he and Mindy are 15, he thinks that she has no idea about what being 15 is about, due to Mindy talking about wanting the attention of senior boys, going on a first date, and her "best friend" Candace getting taking advantage of by an older guy.

6A/6B: Untalentless Much? Parts 1 and 2: Carl reviews the songs "I Can Transform Ya" by Buford featuring Lil Jeet and "Whatcha Say" by Coltrane. Due to them using Autotune in their voices, Carl declares that they have no talent. He also hates Buford for hurting Adyson. Coltrane also uses this overused sample in his song "Whatcha Say"; the sample is by Stacy, and Carl thinks this is a song about Coltrane apologizing to Stacy for cheating on her.

7A/7B: The Worst Songs of 2009: Carl reviews his worst songs of 2009. The ones on the list were "The Climb" by Suzy Johnson, "If I Were a Boy" by Jenny, "One Time" by Ferb Fletcher, the seventh one was too inappropriate, so it was cut out, but it was sung by Jeremy, "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" by Phinny Boy, "I'm Yours" by Django Brown, "Boom Boom Pow" by PFSC, "Single Ladies" by Jenny, "Break Up" (the Coltrane and Jeremy song where Jeremy failed to rap in "The Breakup That Went Horribly Wrong"), and "Diva" by Jenny. The number 1 song, "Diva" made Carl sick and he had to end the show early because he felt like throwing up.

8A/8B: The Best Songs of 2009: Some kids in Danville called Carl a "pop song hater", so Carl decided to prove them wrong. Notable songs: "Hot N Cold" by Candace Flynn, "Meet Me Halfway" and "I Got a Feeling" by PFSC, "Just Dance" by Lady Suzy, "Use Somebody" by Scubadave, "Good Girls Go Bad" by Jeremy and the Incidentials ft. Candace, Irving, and Albert, "Live Your Life" by P&I4EVAH ft Adyson, "Forever" by Phineas, Coltrane, Baljeet, and TDR97, "Day and Nite" by Albert.

Delayed Season 1 Episodes
9: Irving is Mr. Flintstone : Lil Jeet (Baljeet) starts a rap group with Ferb, Phineas, Isabella, Gurgy, Fadhil, Buford, Django, Irving, and many others. All the names above (except Gurgy and Fadhil) sing the song "Bedrock". Irving sings the chorus, and Carl hates his singing voice. Carl thinks that Baljeet didn't even try, Ferb's rap name was dumb, Isabella's voice sounded like Suzy attempting to rap, Phineas was decent, Django was a (bleep), and Buford was boring.

10: A Person That Carl Dislikes: Carl reviews "Sexy Chick" by Jeremy featuring Coltrane. Carl does not like when Coltrane sings sexual songs about girls because it makes him sound like a (bleep). Carl also thinks that the video is extremely inappropriate, and everything about the song sucks, including calling Stacy a degrading name.

11: The Druselsteinian Earthquake: Because of a deadly earthquake, the cast of P&F and some wikia contributors sing "We Are The World 25 for Druselstein". Carl thinks the entire thing is a HUGE mistake. For one, Jeremy, Suzy, Mindy, American Che, and Jisu Lee didn't show up. Then, the first person to start off the song is Ferb. Heinz starts yodeling the lyrics in German. Also, Lil Jeet and Coltrane were using Autotune and rapping. Gurgy also is in this, which makes Carl angry because when he thinks of Gurgy on a charity single, he thinks of this Albert parody, which is a bunch of people singing about (bleep)ing Albert. Carl also warns the viewers not to buy this single.

12: Sweet Candace: Carl reviews the song "3". It is about sexual content, which Carl doesn't like. Also, he thinks that Candace shouldn't be singing songs like this. Candace also references a band that Carl likes, and Carl begins to have weird thoughts about them due to Candace's song.

Season 2 Episodes
9A/9B: Who is Annoying Stacy?/Stacy's Crush: Carl reviews "Blah Blah Blah" and "Your Love is My Drug". He absolutely hates "Blah Blah Blah" and he thinks "YLIMD" is an annoying song and is NOT about love. Also, Stacy's crush is on a guy who looks like Mick Jagger with a beard.

10A/10B: Suzy and Jenny's Scheme/Suzy's Relationship Problems: Carl reviews "Telephone" and "Alejandro". He thinks both songs are overrated, and the music videos have NOTHING to do with the songs' lyrical content. In "Suzy and Jenny's Scheme", Carl says that Maddyfae, Isabella, and Candace were inspired to make weird and creepy music videos of themselves.

11A/11B:Stacy and Coltrane are Bees!: Carl reviews "Imma Be". He thinks the whole song is PFSC telling the world that they are bees. He also thinks that this song is annoying and Stacy and Coltrane talking about how awesome they are isn't interesting at all.

12A/12B:The Sun-Beater 3000: Carl reviews "Like a G6". Jenny sings the chorus, and Phineas, Ferb, Buford, and Baljeet fail to rap. Carl figures out that a G6 does NOT exist, and the plane that Phineas, Ferb, Buford, and Baljeet get on at the end of the music video is NOT a G6; it's a Sun-Beater 3000.

13A/13B:Carl's Failed Dating Life: Carl reviews "OMG". Due to Coltrane's corny pick up lines in the song, Carl tries to use them to get the attention of Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, but ultimately fails. Carl also says that this song is the reason why Coltrane can't maintain a relationship (he had a relationship with a crazy fan, but it didn't work out).

14A/14B:The Club Can't Handle Baljeet/Jeremy's Soul Sister: Carl reviews "Club Can't Handle Me" and "Hey, Soul Sister". He thinks Baljeet is still uninteresting, and when $tacy was beginning her career, she didn't want to be associated with Baljeet. He also thinks Baljeet needs to stop writing songs about the club. At first, Carl didn't want to review this song, but Major Monogram threatens him to by playing the "Hoedown Throwdown" by Alexis Texas. In Jeremy's Soul Sister, he complains about Jeremy's voice, which suddenly became high pitched for no reason at all. He thinks "Hey, Soul Sister" is a corny song.

15A/15B:Vanessa is an Eenie Meenie Miney Mo Lover/Cooler Than Albert: Carl reviews "Eenie Meenie" and "Cooler Than Me". He thinks Ferb needs to go away, and he is cooler than Albert. In "Eenie Meenie", Vanessa looks about ten years older than Ferb and Buford combined in the music video.

16A/16B:Buford's Break Up Song: Carl reviews a song called "Deuces". Due to the Adyson incident, Carl hates Buford. He also thinks Buford does NOT get to make a song like this, and Django and Gurgy's rapping is lame.

17A, B, C, and D:Alexispalooza Parts 1 and 2: Carl decides to review Suzy Johnson's movie since her new single "Can't Be Tamed" failed before he had a chance to review it. In the movie, Suzy's double life thing is going way over her head. Her agent Lindana takes her out shopping instead of doing important things like seeing her brother Jeremy off to college or attending Stacy's birthday party. She also gets in a shoe fight with Candace Flynn. Her dad becomes angry with this and makes her go to Tennessee. Her love interest there is Irving, and even though people Carl's age shouldn't be watching this movie, he still thinks it's a terrible movie. At the end of the movie, when Suzy takes her wig off and sings "The Climb", a fan tells Suzy to still be Alexis; the town will keep her secret. Lindana, Irving, Stacy, and the rest of the town beg her to be Alexis, and Suzy does. Suzy and Irving became a couple at the end, but Carl didn't care because he didn't like the ending AT ALL. In Alexis Texas Guitar Hero, Carl talks about how as a joke, the OWCA decided to give him an Alexis Texas Guitar Hero for his birthday. The ATGH is $60, and Carl says it's a waste of money and warns the viewers to NEVER buy it.

18A/18B:The Worst Songs of 2010:Carl reviews bad songs of 2010. The songs he reviewed were "I Like It" by Django Brown (in a very high pitched voice) ft. Buford, "In My Head" by Coltrane, "Teach Me How to Dougie" by Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet, Irving, and Django, "All the Right Moves" by Jeremy and the Incidentals, "Billionaire" by Ferb Fletcher ft. Jeremy Johnson, "Mine" by Mindy, "Danville Gurls" by Candace Flynn ft. Coltrane, "My First Kiss" by Phineas and Ferb ft. Stacy, and "Take It Off" by Stacy.


 * In this episode, Carl thinks that Django sounds like a girl in "I Like It".


 * He also says that Coltrane has no talent, and he sucks.


 * The "Teach Me How to Dougie" song has a video were Phineas, Ferb, and Irving, wearing 5xxxl clothing, "demonstrating" the Dougie, which isn't much.


 * Carl has never listened to "All the Right Moves" the full time because he found it INCREDIBLY boring.


 * Ferb's song "Billionaire" was a rip off, according to Carl, of some other song.


 * The "uh-oh-oh" Mindy does in the song "Mine" reminds Carl of some very annoying 80's song where the singer was saying "oh! oh!" every five seconds.


 * Carl refuses to believe that Coltrane wrote his own rap verse in the song "Danville Gurls". He thinks that Candace and the producers dragged him out of bed and made him rap something.


 * Because of "Blah Blah Blah" and "My First Kiss", Carl thinks that Phineas, Ferb, and Stacy are made for each other and should have a bizarre three person marriage and not have children.

19A/19B: The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2010: Carl reviews the best songs of 2010. The songs were "Magic" by Ferb ft. Albert, "Find Your Love" by Phineas, "Teenage Dream" by Candace, "Danville Gurls" by Candace ft Coltrane, "Nothin on You" by Ferb ft. Jeremy, "Animal" by Jeremy and the Incidentals, "Empire State of Mind" by Heinz Doofenshmirtz ft Holly, "Rude Boy" by Adyson, "Need You Now" by Lindana ft Max Modem, and "DJ Got Us Fallin in Love" by Coltrane ft. Buford.
 * Because of Stacy's fourth single, "Take It Off", Carl says his brain had "collapsed". He says that Stacy's inspiration for this song is from a kindergarten chant (which is actually TRUE) and he wants Stacy to go away.
 * "Need You Know" was the number 1 song in Carl's opinion.

Delayed Season 2 Episode
20: What Happens in 1987: Carl reviews the worst ten songs of 1987. Among these songs are:
 * "Funky Town" (not the disco version) by Jeremy and the Incidentials. Jeremy's band wasn't even that successful to begin with, and this song made it even worse because they had a one-hit wonder that was someone else's one hit wonder.
 * "Shake You Down" by Coltrane. This is a VERY sappy love song. Also, "shaking someone down" means mugging someone. Coltrane also uses the line "Eenie Meenie Miney Mo" and Carl has "Fletcher nightmares".
 * "Will You Still Love Me" by Danville, a band composed of Django, Irving, and Buford. Albert used to be the lead singer, but he quit, so Django is now the new lead singer. Even when Albert was in the band, they sucked, and Carl claims that after Albert left, the band became even worse. In the 1970's, the band used to play rocking guitar solos, but when Albert joined, the band began to sing VERY sappy love songs, a reason why Carl hates them.
 * "Ballerina Girl" by Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Carl thinks this is a VERY boring song. This is also a father-daughter song to Heinz's daughter Vanessa, who grew up to be "anorexic, a Mindy BFF, and a worthless human being".
 * "Head to Toe" by Izzy Izzy and the PhinFerb. Carl compares Isabella's voice to "a chipper fame reject doing a bad Candace Flynn impression". He also thinks that this group is trying to rip off when Candace, Stacy, and Jenny sing in 50's style about busting Phineas and Ferb (You're Goin Down FTW!)
 * "Candace", a song by Jeremy and the Incidentials. It is a VERY bad breakup song. Carl says that even if you HAVE a girlfriend named Candace, a guy cannot sing this to her because it is a breakup song. You could TRY to sing this to Candace, but it wouldn't go over very well.
 * "Tonight, Tonight, Tonight" a song by PFT. It is a very depressing song about heroin addiction, according to Carl. Carl hates this song because it is depressing and it has a VERY weird line: "I'm going down, I'm going down like a monkey".
 * "The Next Time I Fall" by Albert featuring Stacy. This song is the reason why Albert left the band Danville: so he could sing more sappy love songs by himself. Carl also thinks Albert turned Danville bad because he is EVIL! Because Albert wasn't with his band for his song, he had Stacy on this song. Stacy was a contemporary Christian singer, and Carl says that Stacy being on this song had something to do with Albert being evil. Carl also says that this song is bland and boring.
 * "Never Gonna Change My Love For You" by Jeremy. This is a sappy love song that makes Carl's skin crawl. Carl's mom LOVES this song. Carl also hates the music video, which shows Jeremy and Candace walking on a beach the whole time. Carl also says that Jeremy only got a career because he won a local radio contest, and that everything about this song screams "Only a few friends and family care about this and that's it". After this song, Jeremy sang a duet with The Regurgitator (not Gurgy) of all people, and then he was never seen or heard from again.
 * "Songbird" by Irving. This isn't even a song; it's Irving playing a saxaphone the ENTIRE TIME! Carl says this is the worst song of 1987. Also, many people don't even know or care who Irving IS. There is also a music video for this "song". Carl also makes up his own lyrics, which are basically bashing Irving.

Season 3 Episodes
20A: The Time of the Dirty Bit: Carl reviews "The Time (Dirty Bit) by PFSC. He said that they ruined a classic song, and Stacy and Coltrane cannot sing live, based on their terrible performance in the Super Bowl. Carl is mad at Phineas for using an overused "swagger/Mick Jagger" rhyme in the song, and says that PFSC is so desperate that they are ripping off Stacy solo songs. He also declares this as the worst song PFSC has ever made.

21A/21B: The New Django/Coltrane Knows What It Is: Carl reviews the songs "Tonight (I'm Loving You)" and "Black and Yellow". The first song is VERY inappropriate. Carl also listens to the inappropriate version of "Tonight", and says this Django isn't the kind of person who should be making these kinds of songs. In "Coltrane Knows What It Is", Carl complains about this wiki being an awful place, and Coltrane labeling this wiki as a terrible place because he raps about girls, cars, and money.

22A: Jeremy Would Catch A Grenade: Carl reviews "Grenade". He thinks Jeremy is talented, but this wasn't a good song for him. Also, Jeremy sings about how Candace is evil, demonic, abusive, and bad at auto repair, yet he still wants to die for her.

23A and B: The Worst Songs of 1976: Carl reviews the worst songs of 1976. They are:


 * "Larry" by Baljeet. This is a song about Irving's pet Larry the Lemur (Gurgy's character) dying. Carl thinks this is a pointless song because there were more important problems in Irving's life that Baljeet could sing about (like Albert's drug addiction) and Baljeet chose to sing about a dead lemur.


 * "Shop Around" by the Goldfish and Vanessa. AgentGoldfish and Vanessa are married, and they have a singing career. Carl thinks Vanessa acts like "your best friend's mom who is profoundly drunk decides to go to the karaoke booth and you're left feeling embarrassed".


 * "If You Leave Me Now" by Danville. This band consists of Albert, Irving, Django, and Buford. This is the band in What Happens in 1987 that sang sappy love songs, and it is revealed that Carl hates Albert's singing voice.


 * "Only Sixteen" by P&I4EVAH. P&I sings about having a relationship with a sixteen year old girl but it didn't work out. There is a hidden joke in the song that isn't funny.


 * "Get Up and Boogie" by Candace, Stacy, and Jenny. There are literally only six words in the entire song, and the three girls aren't even trying to look excited to sing.


 * "Disco Duck" by Ducky Momo and Albert. It is a VERY awful song about Albert making unfunny jokes about people dancing like a duck.


 * "Let Her In" by Jeremy. Carl thinks Jeremy is a "pretty boy from the 70's" who can't sing.


 * "I Write The Songs" by Albert. It is a conceited song about how Albert literally writes every song in the world.


 * "Convoy" by Heinz Doofenshmirtz. It is about Heinz pretending to be a truck driver and the song is very incomprehensable.

24A and B: Candace Is A Firework/Suzy Was Born This Way: Carl reviews "Firework" and "Born This Way". He likes that they are writing inspirational songs, but he thinks that Candace and Suzy are the least likely people to sing inspirational songs. He also thinks that the music videos for both songs are bad.
 * "Afternoon Delight" by Irving, Phineas, Isabella, and Katie. This is one of the worst songs of all time. This is a song about...stuff (that the four names above) don't know about but the music sounds innocent.

25: A Strange Girl Named Adyson: Carl reviews the song "S&M". He thinks everything about Adyson's song is bad and disturbing. Also, he thinks that this is a song to Buford referencing the incident where Buford beat Adyson up.

26A/26B: Jeremy's Lazy Song/Candace's Alien Lover: Carl reviews the song "The Lazy Song". He thinks Jeremy's song and music video is stupid, and he thinks Jeremy didn't even try to put effort into the song. In "Candace's Alien Lover", Carl reviews the song "E.T." He dislikes Coltrane's guest rapping, and he hates the metaphors Candace uses in the song. He also hates Candace in general.

27 A and B: Vanessa's Big Fail: Carl reviews the movie "Glitter", which stars Vanessa. He thinks that Vanessa is a terrible actress, and he hates almost all the other characters in the movie. He also feels like there is no point to this movie.

28A/28B: Irving and Albert's Party Anthem/Give Buford Everything: Carl reviews the song "Party Rock Anthem". He complains about how he wishes that all songs about the club need to go away, since he is sick of songs like this. He also says that Irving and Albert are ripoffs of many artists, including PFSC. He also complains about everyone in the music video wearing bad clothing. He also reviews "Give Me Everything" by Buford, Coltrane, and Isabella, saying that he is sick of hearing more club songs.

29A/29B: Jeremy's Club Song/Candace's Death: Carl reviews the song "Tonight Tonight" by Jeremy and the Incidentials. He thinks that this song doesn't belong in the club and instead should be in a middle school dance. He also thinks that this song sounds like the Good Mood Food guy from the Arby's commercials and the FreeCreditReport.com people teamed up to make a hit song. Carl also reviews the song "If I Die Young" by The Band Flynn-Fletcher, and thinks it's a song about a spoiled teenage girl fantasizing about her funeral.

30A/30B: Moves Like Albert/Ferb's Inspiration Song: Carl reviews the song "Moves Like Jagger" by Nunchucks 5 (parody of Maroon 5). He thinks that Nunchucks 5 has sold out and he thinks that the entire song is lame. He also feels like Candace made an unnecessary guest verse on the song. In "Ferb's Inspiration Song", Carl reviews the song "Lighters" by Ferb featuring Jeremy and Baljeet. He thinks the song sounds like all three boys recorded it separately and attempted to make it sound decent.

31A: Irving and Albert are Awesome: Carl reviews the song "Sexy and I Know It". He has MANY problems with it. He thinks the lyrics, the beat, and the music video are HORRIBLE.

Crossovers
Sunday High School Musical: Carl and Irwin (owned by the Regurgitator/StacyFan) review a High School Musical ripoff called "Sunday School Musical". Coltrane, Stacy, Jenny, and Albert are the main characters. Carl and Irwin think the entire movie is corny and the acting is horrible.